Journey of a Sikher

Brady Bunch got nothing on us!

2012-01-27T12:20:00.003-05:00

Not actual portrait of my family ;-)!

If your Indian you know what I’m talking about, families, BIG families often living under one roof, up in each others biz, for better or worse for calm or for drama its always one of the most colorful hog posh of people and creates for the most memorable and explosive situations in ones life!

You still live with your parents? How does your wife get along with your mother? Don’t you want privacy?

So I have gotten all these questions, in various forms and fashions, some as jokes some as serious inquiries into how a dynamic like this can work. Let me tell you its always a work in progress. Throughout my adult life there has always been many members living in my house ranging from various family members and grandparents. Lots of time there are jokes about how one has a tough time living with in-laws, or issues with parents and let me be the first to say, yes all of those are real. As with every generation there is a perception gap in things and that is very difficult to bridge, we have different experiences and attitudes to similar situations, some in fact being totally opposite.

So how the hell does it work? I still have no clue, it’s an ongoing process but one thing I can say helps is focusing on the positives everyone brings to a household. We can sit and nag about this or that habit or issue we’ve had with someone. Or we can realize that just like us everyone has greatness and weakness within them, but in both of those qualities there is something we can learn, and benefit in cohesive living.

People also have a very keen view on how ‘women’ can live under the same roof, and there are lots of stories even TV drama’s about SAS/NU (daughter-inlaw/mother –inlaw) relationships. But I have seen the opposite; it is actually the women who create the undeniable glue or lack thereof in a joint family situation. Many times men get credit, for taking care of their parents or having a cohesive family unit, but men do very little of the heavy lifting, sure every person plays a part but it is only when women have a strong bond and desire to mutually understand each other that any joint family situation can be complete. For my own family situation I would only credit my mother and my wife and their constant compromise and adjustment for my sanity and for the wonderful environment I call home.

One thing I have seen living in a joint family is one begins to really understand what compromise is, what true acceptance is and how love never runs out if it is shared. Of course there are those moments when you feel like pulling your hair out! But there are equal number of moments when you remember how enriched your life, your children’s lives, your parents’ lives are that every moment is shared, every sorrow, success is distributed to each individual, and they all express it in their own unique way.

There was a time back in my young days (I say young to days before kids) in which I felt like I needed to spread my wings, and have my own place and sort of live the western life of living away from my parents. I even looked for houses and was very close to signing a deal but something in me was triggered at that moment, call it instinct or call it my FOB side coming out, I just could not go through with it. Indian parents are a very unique old group, they will do everything for their kids, and they have in the past, but as oldies they also expect EVERYTHING from their kids! It’s a relationship that is as pure as water, because that is what a parent love for their offspring is. I often said that the only person that can be genuinely happy for someone’s success is their parents, everyone else will say they are happy for you, and inside they may be jealous, they may feel a little pain you surpassed them in something , but two people who will forever truly be happy for you are your parents, even when you leave them in the dust in any sort of measure, you become richer, you become smarter you become taller whatever the case they may even be happier than you. I already knew this but after having kids I truly can say the love of a parent is the truest and most unselfish type of love in this world.

Of course where there is abundance there will come the drama of clinginess, of expectations of realities and of individualities. You put 2/3 people in a room and things can go well for a couple of days, maybe a couple of weeks, but let months go by, let years go by and the history the tension develops things will get on your nerves, you start to understand mannerisms and reactions you get tired of the same things over and over, now lets put 8/9 people in the same house, different generations, different expectations all in a mixture and blend it together! That is a joint Indian family, it’s not always a pretty mixture, but you can always put a pineapple in the cocktail to make it ‘look ‘ nice.

So whats the benefit? After all this is America, we live in the west, everything has to have a benefit or its not worth pursing, its not worth the headaches, and I will tell you I’m not entirely sure there is a benefit! WHAT really? No benefit? Last time I checked nothing that had anything to do with true love had any tangible benefits. If it has a benefit then it’s a business, then it’s a transaction! So one cannot look at it like that, if we do then of course its not a viable way of living!

I am not endorsing joint families; of course I live in one so I can only talk about the experiences from that point of view. But there is one undeniable truth that one can truly test how compromising, how tolerant and how accommodating one can be under the most extreme circumstances, if that is what you value as a person I ask you to try this experiment! LOL it honestly does feel like an experiment at times. Some may value privacy, and sanity and that is great more power to them. I have learned to value the complexities and rewards, when I was growing up my grandfather lived with us, so it was opposite my father was dealing with his in-laws but the richness I gained from having him around daily, having him there watching how my parents interacted with them, how they adjust their lives to serve even when it was conveniently possible for them to not have elders in the house was inspiring. When our grandmother came to live with us for her last few months a couple of years ago, I was again reminded of the greatness of family of how one can truly be there for someone not because it’s the most convenient thing to do, but it’s the most unrealistic and crazy situations one puts themselves out there for the sake of love.

I am realistic; I don’t think that joint families are going to survive in their current state for too long. I am aware that I may most likely not live with either of my sons when I am older, things change, people change and that is how times go, but I hope even in this change there is some way to share some craziness. Because craziness is what defines love it’s the act that you would not do when you are sane that defines how much you love someone, and living with them or not, I know somehow families will continue to be crazy random people put together with no rhyme or reason to get along and eventually fall in love with each other, whether they like it or not ;-).

Chill OUT!

2012-01-26T09:51:00.000-05:00

We as a community need a lot of growing up to do, or should I say we have some insecurities which we need to really drop. Last week Jay Leno made a joke about the Golden Temple, in my view it was a mild joke, a joke is a joke and I can understand that some people may have been offended. To those people I ask one question, have they ever laughed at any other joke about a religion, race or group? What about when Russell Peters makes fun of accents and different nationalities, what then were these same people laughing?

Let’s get real here, yes it is one of our most sacred shrines and yes it is not good taste of Jay Leno and his writers, but do you think it merits creating a big fuss and sueing Jay Leno? Where were Sikhs when DysFunKtional Family by Eddie Griffin was in the theaters where he openly declares a Sikh man as Bin Laden? Why wasn’t he sued? Check out the video below, at the 4:10 min marker.

We should be very careful on how we approach freedom of speech. So what if someone makes a joke it doesn’t make it true? We over react and create a fuss and only make ourselves look close minded. Why not be rational, there is a way to denounce it without going overboard.

The most hilarious fact is that the Indian government is making a big fuss out of this, the same government which in 1984 demolished this same place with tanks and bombs is now defending it against a mild joke, the irony in this is more comedic than the actual joke that Jay Leno did.

I hope we was a community can figure out when and what to fight for, instead of jumping up at the most awkward moments without rhyme, or reason. For those who think that I don’t respect the Golden Temple because I am not for taking action against Jay Leno, I say that to me the sanctity of the place is not going to be diminished by what a irresponsible comedian says. In my heart nothing can change the value I put on those places, someone saying something does not change the radiance of the place, the importance of the Akal thakat, in fact the same place which is joked about was where even before America was born, freedom of speech was defended, human dignities were fought for, so it is meaningless to worry about something this small in my opinion.

Sikhs were /are defenders of freedoms even when they were not in line with their own beliefs, for this reason I defend Jay Leno, not that I agree with him, but he has every right to say what he wants and feels, it will not /should not matter to those who revere the Golden Temple, and if their personal belief can be shaken with a small joke they need to really look into themselves.

PrinceofPunjab Radio :-)

2012-01-20T09:12:00.002-05:00

So trying out new ways of expressing myself on here not only for my benefit but for the sake of trying to keep it raw and real ;-). Here is the first audio file I've ever done :-):

The Right, to be RIGHT!

2012-01-13T12:30:00.002-05:00

We all have judgments of others based on our experiences, knowledge, understanding, point of view and probably a million other standards we use without thinking. From our own pedestals we see the world, pretty much thinking we have it figured out. When someone contradicts or challenges something we believe we are quick to defense and even resort to offense to prove that we are right, were right and pretty much always will be right. The reality is there is very little ‘new’ left in the universe, whatever you say whatever you believe, whatever you do has been done before. We are using information past down, perceptions passed down from generation to generation, culture to culture to form who we are, and what our beliefs are. Nobody really believes they are wrong, and rarely is anyone really open-minded enough to understand several points of view. Surprisingly humans feel it takes more energy to accept something so are better off opposing it.

So we go on judging living in our circles of righteousness, with clouds of reasoning’s even to the point of brainwashing ourselves to how ‘right’ we are. From the moment we are threatened our behavior our thinking our reaction just springs into action, without thought or contemplation we are ready, because we always assume we have the ‘right to be right’! Everything in life is an objective understanding; nobody truly has any right to feel as if their belief or perception is better than anyone else’s. From that plain thought one can truly begin to realize that whatever our ‘take’ is, is really nothing. It only holds truth in ourselves and definitely does not apply to others in the exact same way.

Some people regard those who are hard headed and persistent as a quality, yet that same quality has led the world to mass issues, to chaos and to destruction. If we value qualities of tolerance, acceptance and peace we are ostracized labeled as sitting on the fence yet has anyone ever thought how difficult it truly is to sit on the fence?

Ive seen religion, culture, nationalism used to control others, to make them feel guilty, to literally ‘whip’ them into submission and back into their place. How healthy of a society are we if fear and mind games are the normal ways to make others conform to our own mindset? Where religion something that was supposed to bring peace is used to bring turmoil beyond comparison to create a sense of delusional righteousness. Its really just floors me that this happens on such a large scale. Nobody is allowed to think out of the box, we fear those who walk a different path, in our close circles in our communities, in our societies, we label them we give them names so that they can be further distant, homo, liberal, conservative, fundamentalist, all labels we apply to those who stray from our personal perceptions.

Seriously? Are we that weak as a society to not allow personal growth, personal journey and individual experiences to others? Who died and made us the ones with the answers, or the solutions for things we have no clue about? Yes this is somewhat of a rant, it’s a rant against those who have done this, who do this and who have no remorse or consideration that they may be wrong. Even if you are right, even if you are totally correct then humility is required. Humility for Humanity for allowing others to make mistakes, but allowing this, and accepting that even though we strongly believe something it may not be correct takes some guts, it also takes compassion. A compassionate person will never bring down another, they will put the others perception at the level of their own, equally even if contradictory they will understand that every human brings their own fragrance, to this earth. The fact that they are here means they have worth and the right to be right, just as much as us ;-).

Hat Day

2011-12-22T09:44:00.009-05:00

Taken before he left for school :-)

Last week Baltej, who is in Kindergarten, told me that next Wednesday is ‘Hat Day’ at our school. I asked him what that meant and he let me know it would be a day where you could wear a hat to school. Then he asked me if he could wear a dastaar (turban) on ‘Hat Day’, sensing how excited he was about it I told him sure it was a great idea. Yesterday when he woke up he was excited, it was Hat day and he was going to be wearing a full turban, not his normal patka (small turban) to school. When he woke up he said he wanted to wear the same color I was wearing, happened to be white and the exact color we had for him anyways!

I thought about it and wondered we tend to see a lot of ourselves in our children, our own insecurities, mannerisms, habits; you can start to see a lot of similarities. Yet they are totally different beings, I was so surprised that Baltej was willing to wear a turban to his school at his age. When I was five I don’t recall much but most of my days were filled with how to fit in or not stand out, I would never have imagined wearing a turban to school at that age. I hated even wearing a top knot and being called a girl. I had anxiety of standing out and would have opted to wear a hat just so that one day I could hide my jurrah (top knot) and be like everyone else. Here was my son at the same age and with a totally different mentality, that even on the ‘hat day’ he wanted to wear his turban, and stand out with a different headgear. It made me feel a sense of pride in the fact that he was more confident than I was at his age, he was more assured about his identity.

So he put his turban on and was feeling really proud but as he got to school he started feeling a little uneasy. He asked his mom (who was dropping him off) what will people think? Will they think it is funny? She reassured him that he was looking handsome, and that we were really proud of him. When she called me and told me his sudden insecurity outside of the school, I knew it would most likely not be a favorable day for him. Most of the time he has worn a turban it’s to family function or Gurudwara, both places people give him positive reinforcement how he looks cute in a bigger turban. But yesterday I knew it would be a different experience for him all together. All day I was reminded of my own experiences as a child and the laughter and taunts I received, I was anxiously awaiting 3 o clock. How would his classmates respond, would he be able to maintain his turban in P.E. and recess? Its surreal how as parents we tend to sort of live in our children, and feel some of the things they feel.

Finally it was time for him to leave school, I was at work so I called my wife who would be picking him up, from her tone I could tell things did not go so well for Baltej that day. She gave the phone to him :

“They all laughed, my whole class, whole school even the 3^rd , 4^th , 5^th graders laughed….at recess the other Kindergarteners laughed at me too”

I asked him how it made him feel, “I felt sad, why are they laughing at me, then I felt mad that they keep laughing”. Sensing the frustration in his voice I also felt a little sad for him, here he was so excited to wear a turban for the first time to school and received this sort of reaction, not that I was surprised or blame any of the kids. Kids are kids they laugh at something different, at something new, to them it was not anything they understood. I quickly wrapped up my work for the day to head home, but I stopped by a toy store to pick up a ‘prize’ for Baltej. When I got home he came running, seeing the toy in my hand he was excited. I asked him how he felt when people laughed at you, and he repeated his answer of feeling sad and then mad, I told him look at this, and put a few envelops from the mail I had collected outside in my turban, he started to laugh, I said see when you see something different you laugh, normally you don’t see me with mail in my turban so today when you do its funny. The same way the kids in your class they didn’t know, they saw something different and laughed. But its brave and courageous what you did and that’s why you get a prize today.

Sensing that he was getting complimented he said "Daddy I was sad and mad but it wasn’t for that long, I got Ok quickly". I gave him a hug and told him I was really proud of him. At that moment I really was, as I knew the seeds of courage are being planted in him, he was able to overcome something I would never have at his age, he took on the challenge of looking unique and handled it gracefully.

Many times we think we need to protect our kids from everything, every challenge and difficulty, we want to shield them from adversity, but really we can not. We can only prepare them to be strong and assist them in how to handle challenges. No parent wants their kids to have any problems, but that’s not so realistic, life is full of them in fact I think at some level they are what build our character. Seeing Baltej overcome this gave me a sense of understanding, all day yesterday I was stressed, but there was nothing my stress could do to benefit him, as parents its our duty to protect but mostly to provide support, to provide guidance based on our own experience and most importantly provide the environment of growth and tools to overcome obstacles that will enviably cross the paths of our kids.

This morning as I was getting ready, Baltej came running (yes he is always running!) in my room. “Daddy, when can I wear dastaar again to school?” of course I am not naive and believe it has something to do with the prize he received, but a little part of me also is very optimistic, and thinks its also his sense of courage, and ability to stand out without fear, which every young Sikh develops. I felt a sense of pride as I answered him, unknowingly he became my hero at that moment, he was ready to take on any adverse feelings again, he was showing the true signs of becoming a Khalsa, of being sava lakh and not having a problem with it, it got me a little emotional thinking about how this may just run in the blood of every Sikh to be able to take on challenges like the young Sahibzade, holding back my emotional thought I answered “Any day you want buddy, ...any day you want…”

Priorities in Life

2011-12-13T12:04:00.002-05:00

Seems like the older we get the more we are swamped with responsibilities and strains on time. I pondered this so many times, on what causes these increases in stress, and so far I have not come up with a single answer though I have many theories. Of course all of this is my own experience and opinion, it’s not based on any scientific evidence or data and I am sure there are books written about how to deal with time management and stress. I am trying to, as always, look at this from a more philosophical and spiritual standpoint.

The balance of life depends two things, needs and desires. When basic needs of survival are fulfilled we come into the realm of desires, of expectations and wants beyond what we needed for survival. It’s in that gray area where everyone is unique, some go after comforts, others status, some a combination of both or several other motivations which kick in at that point. As we are living we start to amass certain standards, and as we grow those standards increase as well. Nobody buys something smaller or less desirable once they have reached a certain ‘status’. Usually you see someone who’s first car is a compact, second car a full size, third car a sports car or luxury car. I have seen this in the simplest forms in my own children, when they were crawling pots and pans were the toys they wanted, and as they have grown, now iPad, iPhones and other electronic devices are what entertain them.

Talking about entertainment that’s what the underlining factor is about. We want to entertain ourselves with everything around us. Within that we also have complex egos which want something better than someone else. We want to have the best house, the best car, the best pillow! Of course these are for our own life, but they also help define our status, our place, and our false worth in society. Because we cannot walk around with our bank account statement pinned to our shirt, we need to do so with things, we accomplish the same with our name brand clothes, and jewelry or whatever else can be shown or prove undeniably our superior worth.

Yet our banks accounts remain empty in spirituality, in the true sense we can and are physically comfortable, yet a constant uncomfort plagues us. Some call it stress, or drive, or responsibility, to me it’s a lack of connection with your inner self. We spend the bulk of our time amassing material possessions, but not even a fraction of that to amass any sort of virtues, to progress towards the true meaning of life. We are so clever in prioritizing everything yet never putting any priority in something so simple and something so deep that life passes us by so fast.

I have experienced many of these feelings, and desire myself. I fall into the traps of need vs. want constantly and the balancing effort is almost contradictory. On one hand there is the worldly me that is constantly striving to try to better my situation, my families situation, on the other hand there is a spiritual side of me which is longing to shed many of the things I have accumulated. The battle between these sides is what I believe is the first sign of a spiritually awakened human. They understand that its not just what we see, or have that matters there is something deeper to be found in life, in the experience which we live. We need comforts, but we also need simplicity, we also need to grow spiritually and allow that simplicity which helps us find ourselves.

Watching the nature program, we almost look like salmon that are traveling up river, fighting odds, fighting pressures, constantly pushing ourselves. Do better, do more, get more, and fight harder, yet for what? At the end of all this we leave with empty hands, no matter how much you accumulate, whether you die on a memory foam mattress, or on the ground. Common logic even scientific logic would call such a thing false, that is only here temporarily, yet 99% of the time we are in the falsehood, or after more false. Spending just a small portion of time on things that are permanent, like peace, self-awareness, and awakening. Just like if we are having a dream and someone wakes us up, we rather just go back to sleep, and back to dreaming rather than realizing that the dream is false, it will end and we will have to wake up to the reality eventually. Maybe religions were the alarm clock to help wake us?

The reality is, I myself have complicated my life. I myself have created all the traps, and then fell into them. I keep longing for the wrong things, and following paths which I know will not fulfill me. I need to keep planting the seeds of simplicity and true fulfillment's, I need to stop chasing false and grasp what is true. The change does not start with society or my family or my kids, it starts with me, as the journey that you want others to have, you first need to have yourself.

Courage is really necessary to do this; it’s very simple to follow the flocks, to be a sheep. Set the same or higher goals than everyone else, others aim for the moon you aim for the sun, the basic concept is the same. It takes courage to be the salmon that flows down river as everyone is fighting to get to the top, and that courage comes with self-discipline, with a mindset that is totally opposite, and a desire for battling your mind every day. Spirituality and meditation are nothing but tools to undo the complexity of Maya (material illusions). We trap ourselves in this game, like a mouse in a maze we created all the dead ends. Now it’s time to find the exit, to stop playing the false games and play the true game, to begin to find what we lost, and to prioritize what is an ultimate priority!

Children are the true Mirror

2011-12-05T12:18:00.002-05:00

Every parent has certain desires and expectations for their kids; though we love unconditionally we want our children to be better than us in every sense, in every way. It’s a tough job knowing your own weaknesses and imperfections and hoping that they will not have the same, hoping that they infact will not have any! It’s a pipe dream but one every parent really has, is that there offspring go to the next level of success, one that they could not reach themselves. For me this has been one of the most challenging things about becoming a parent. The fact that I have so many imperfections and am still trying to improve myself, makes me a little fearful of the fact that I am raising other humans!

I struggle with this daily, how to balance expectations and desires of what I want my kids to be, with truly loving unconditionally and allowing them to become who they will become by themselves. Maybe its just an over thinking thought, that even without guidance they will become who they are to become, as the game of destiny will continue, yet inside I cannot help but wonder and try to teach or mold them to be a certain way. In this picture I see two proud Sikhs, wearing turbans, and in my perfect desire as adults they will be true Khalsa’s who are proud and level headed, who are fair who are not just members of society but great humans who stand for what is right, do what is right and produce a better world.

In having this thought I begin to get a little depressed at my own life. What have I done that is even near that, and now I want to produce kids who will? The mirror is a scary place not just because of the way I look but because of what I know, what I know about myself, what I know about my own weaknesses and how far I have to go. At times maybe every parent feels these things, where it seems like wow this is going to be a tough job, and it’s a lot tougher than we can actually imagine.

Children watch everything, they know what you say, but beyond that they know what you DO. The difference between talking and walking is where the ‘truth’ of your personality comes out. We can all talk good, some of us can even talk great, but when it comes to walking what we preach, what we say. that is action is missing. Just as we know our kids, they know us, they are a lot smarter than we sometimes give them credit for, they can read between the lines. So in a way raising children is almost like raising yourself, the act ends the superficial talk becomes pointless. After all we were kids once, we know how our parents raised us, we knew what buttons to push when, we know all their weaknesses we knew where they stood on pretty much all respects of life values.

Maybe the scariest part of parenting is not just the fact that you have to be a parent, but the fact that you have to better yourself before you can expect better from anyone else. Of course its easy to lay down the law, to force a child is not difficult we can use various types of manipulations/disciplinary actions to get a desired result. We want them to share, we can enforce it, but if they see us sharing we may not have to! I find myself constantly telling my sons, don’t get mad, share, look out for each other and then how much of that have I applied in my own life? Why am I constantly preaching something that I should be just practicing? Its so odd that we have such high hopes and responsibilities on raising future humans yet we forget to raise ourselves, to better ourselves to work on our own weaknesses.

When we fast forward what happens in our life, we pretty much reap what we ourselves set into action. I have to make it a point for myself to remind myself as I teach my children, I am teaching myself, as I try to instill values in them which are close to me I need to teach them to myself. They are my mirror, the mirror that is more accurate than the one I look at to get ready, they will implement what I do, not what I say, they will mimic my actions, they will struggle with the same weaknesses I do and need to overcome but my experience is only as valuable as the truth I put in it.

Today at work I checked Facebook right before lunch and my wife had posted this picture of my sons on facebook. Whenever I see Sikh Children in dastaars I get reminded of Baba Zorawar and Baba Fateh Singh. It makes me realize that these kids are sons of Guru Gobind Singh. Hopefully they themselves realize this one day and join the Khalsa. I pray that the most difficult task to raise good human beings in this world of illusions, ego, temptations and desires to become 'sheep, that somehow with help of sangat and God we can truly make lions who are selfless, courageous and ones who realize that the whole world is one family :-). Beyond any materialistic gains and successes this is the most important accomplishment in life.

Complex Dummies

2011-11-30T10:59:00.000-05:00

Humans are a real hog posh of characteristics, sensibilities, insensibilities, insecurities, fears, desires all fused into one complex person. We like to consider ourselves advanced and as we grow older more mature and learned yet the more you know it seems the less you understand.

People always refer to the past as ‘good old days’ nothing like an old friend that lost connection to and reconnect with. If the case is as we grow we become better than the past friendships and relationships should be pale in comparison to the ones we are making at an older age, yet this is not the case. The only reasoning behind this is when we are young we trust quicker, we open up quicker we are easily and emotionally swayed by our gut feelings. As we are constantly betrayed or hurt from these experiences we begin to close off ourselves, we begin to shield our experiences to only those which we believe will end in a positive note, yet we ponder the times when we did open ourselves up, we cherish the memories of those feelings of those connections that we once were open to and no longer can be.

It’s almost like the case of getting more complex yet at the same time becoming dumber! We know that it takes a certain level of putting yourself out there to have a worthwhile relationship, friendship or experience yet we do it less and less as we grow. We start closing out all the negatives and in doing so we also limit the positives, we also limit the unknowns and our lives become a circle of safety where we use our past feelings as our force field. Nobody can penetrate too deep as we don’t want to be vulnerable, we don’t want to make mistakes, we don’t want to mess up. One thing writing has taught me is to put myself out there, not because I feel comfortable, I feel the total opposite, I don’t know who’s reading with what mindset and with what judgments, and at the same time I feel free because I really care less. This is where I can be true to my thoughts, where the rubber meets the road in my own moralistic views and the challenges I have within myself against/for them!

Its almost like humans get desensitized as we get more of something. I can take the easy example of money, when you have less, you appreciate it, you are more humble, and you even are ready to help others more because you are close to the pain and understanding of what it means to not have money. As soon as you have abundance of money, you begin to lose track of reality, and become desensitized, you sit in the most comfortable of chairs and forget how it feels to sit on the floor, and the same is true with anything within humans. When we are younger we only have a few relationships we connect with individuals on a very deep level, and as we grow older we begin to connect with more and more people, thanks to the digital age, we connect with even more, but the connections are no longer deep. Part of the problem is we just don’t have the capacity to connect with so many, and part of the problem is our bad experiences, our pain our sorrow, so we become very sheltered. We forget that when we were younger even though we only had one best friend that friend was what made everything around us great. Its truly the quality and not the quantity in EVERYTHING in life that counts. This is the real golden rule that I am beginning to understand. Its not how much you have, but how much you appreciate what you have, its not how much you can get but how content you are with the hand you are dealt.

We are all evolving every second, nothing is the same as it was, even while I’m writing this I am changing, in the beginning I was someone different and now I am someone different but the understanding that through that evolution we are hopefully stepping forward and not backward is where the awareness comes into play.

As we age the challenge is to break down the barriers we created, to break down the conceptions and understandings and to be able to be open to new experience’s that is what life is really about. Fear has no place in reality because fear itself is a crucial element that provides maximum return on what you are doing. If I think back the most worthwhile things I experienced where ones that came with fear, were ones where the first reaction was hesitation yet when I took the chance, and though it may have not been a story tale ending it was well worth what I learned about myself.

When we can truly live like this in the moment, then the best is truly yet to come, because we continue to feel. The bad /good all are part and parcel of what makes your life worth it, instead of numbing yourself, put yourself out there be willing to make a mistake. I post my mistakes on here often, I contradict myself one day I feel this way the next day I feel that way and that’s part of the most colorful part of my living, instead of living in the black and white of artificial constants. This is the law of nature, just flowing change without resistance because resistance only hurts the flow of what is natural, of what is inevitable! The key is Decomplication - yes I made up a new word!

Four Eyes but One Heart

2011-11-09T07:49:00.005-05:00

My older son Baltej (5) has been wearing glasses for almost a year now, our doctor recommended that we get our younger son Himmat (3) checked since astigmatism is hereditary and if caught earlier can be prevented from getting worse and sometimes even corrected.

Sure enough Himmat will also need glasses. Yesterday I was reminded about a quality about family and community that is essential, support. As part of trying to get Himmat excited to wear his glasses we would pep talk him and tell him he will look so good in them, and he will be able to see better. Baltej noticed us doing this one my wife’s comments was something along the lines of you will look handsome. To this Baltej said

“… no everyone will laugh at him first then he will be handsome, but even if everyone laughs at him I won’t laugh”

This was something that reminded me that my kids are getting older Baltej is now able to reflect on his own experience know how it caused him to feel, and how he would not want someone else to feel the same way. He was the first child in our family and extended friends circle to have glasses, and obviously in our community there was a lot of verbal reaction of which ranged from ‘wow’ to ‘he wears glasses because he watches to much tv?’ , and of course everyone did laugh and smile when they saw him. I guess he remembers that and how it made him feel and he was not going to subject his brother to the same treatment.

Sure enough as we picked up Himmat’s glasses and they were fitting them to his size, Baltej sat next to his younger brother, with a very somber look. As he was getting fitted I chuckled a little seeing him in glasses squinting his eyes and nose as they felt weird to him. As I was smiling Baltej said “Its not funny daddy” as to protect Himmat from any sort of negative feelings he may experience. After they were finished with the fitting of the glasses, I took a picture of both of them, Baltej’s facial expression in this picture, and his physical hand around his brother reminded me how important and integral support is for individuals.

It was true Baltej did not laugh at Himmat when he wore his glasses, he just offered something that we see so less in our communities in sometimes even our own families, he offered his silent support. He sat by and he spoke up when I chuckled. This instinct of taking care of our own fades as we get older and we experience life and brutality of how everyone treats everyone else.

We seldom spare our own family members, our own community in making fun or applying salt on someone’s wound. But we rarely are there for support, when someone is down to pick them up, when we can reflect our own experience to make sure someone else does not go through the same thing. In a way I was really proud of Baltej, he had shown sensitivity to something I had really forgotten. He put himself in the other person’s shoes, he used his own experience to drive his action to support his younger brother, this is something I wish I could say I taught him. We often want our children to support each other, but maybe there is nothing to teach, this is just something that we have to teach how not to forget!

We look around us very…emotionally disconnected. We have experienced the same fears, and pains as those in our community yet we are never there to offer a supportive word, a supportive action, then we wonder why or how we are such a fragmented society. Sikhs of the past did this not only for their own, but for others, they would put their life on the line to save someone else, not because they had anything to gain from it, but because they understood that injustice, to anyone was unfair.

We have stopped ‘feeling’ and become numb to suffering around us to needs around us. Here was my 5 year old son, barely learning how to read, add and subtract but he understood the fundamental nature of how to offer a human touch, how to ‘be present’ with someone like his brother. This proves that we are born with that instinct to help others, to uplift others, to support others, but somewhere as we go through life, the bumps and dents make us numb, they make us forget that instinct.

Thank you Baltej of reminding me that one of the perks to have kids, is to remind oneself of the greatness of innocence!

Do the RIGHT thing!

2011-10-14T08:44:00.006-05:00

Usually I go in circles about some of my beliefs and ethics which I hold dear and near to my heart. Many times we do things in blind faith and we seldom give it second thoughts thinking that faith alone is enough justification. Though this is important and faith does play a major role in spirituality and religious realm it is not all that is enough. Faith itself can be the catalyst for change but I am not sure if it has the capacity for long term commitment, for something to stick for a long time there has to be an experience or a reason behind it.

Blind faith is almost like ignorance itself, and in this thought everyone is full of contradictions. The religious person becomes a bigot, the bigot becomes tolerant, we ourselves are full of many layers of complex beliefs many which go against even things that we say or do! For this I contemplated many times on what is additional to faith that can remove contradictions on a human, of course my experience is limited and so is my knowledge and spiritual understanding so this is like always another ‘rant’ of opinions/thoughts that I have come to feel like I should document.

All we do has a cumulative effect on us, every action, every thought, every feeling leads us somewhere for some reason at some point in time. For someone who is religious or classifies themselves as a spiritual being this is a very intriguing thought, what is all this in preparation for? Why am I doing the things I do, or believing what I believe? A constant level of questioning circles around these subjects. When I was younger I believed it was all faith, as I grew older I felt ok there is faith but knowledge also assists in developing your depth in that faith, and now I am a little unsure about both, about the element of faith and the element of knowledge, what is the proper equation or percentages of each one should have? So thinking about this and wondering has just made me go in circles and frankly more confused!

So I started to shift my perception and thought process about religion, about spirituality and mostly about faith. The equation is complex, no doubt, but the outcome is not, what is the outcome that one is trying to reach by being religious/spiritual and moralistic? It’s come to a very simple answer for me at this stage my life. All we do, all we believe, all we strengthen ourselves for and build are faith is to be present and make the right decision at the right time at any given moment. I know this may sound very simple and something that is very logical in regards to common understanding but that’s all we are trying to achieve.

We build our character our faith, our spiritual selves to be able to say the right thing, do the right thing, to help when it is required, to standup when it is required, to be able to treat a situation in the most dignified manner possible. This is also true in historical reference of any spiritual person, that is why they are celebrated. They have often answered the call at the right time, made the stand at the right time, assisted someone at the right time and this does not come as easy as it sounds. We as humans are prone to error, we often error on the simplest things, in random conversation we hurt people’s feelings, in random actions we constantly ruin something or the other. All this faith gone to waste because when it really counts inside we have not changed at all; in fact we use faith as opportunistically as we use something tangible. When we need something we suddenly have more faith, when we feel powerless such as a family member is sick we turn to our faith, yet when we feel that we have the control we have little or even no faith.

Do the right thing, at the right time, how often are we prepared to do this? How often have we turned away when someone needed help? This is the true test of our character, everyone can act, everyone does act but in the true judgment all acts are dropped, I can fool most anyone with acting in a manner which will make them think I am something I am not, but only I know what I truly am. Spirituality and true faith removes this duality. You are your own reflection, what people see is what they get, and that is the first signs of someone being awakened soul. You stop getting duality from them; you begin to see that they themselves become fearless in what they believe as their faith is no longer blind but has something substantially more which it is based on. This is where truth comes from, from where the darkness starts to dispel in the light.

We are so tangled and jumbled up, with our goals and lives, we shift our focus from what is important. By our own thoughts and actions we become numb to our inner selves, so much so that anyone who we see getting awakened we try to bring them down to our level, we provide them justifications why they are going astray from the right path of being ‘successful’ in this worldly ways. We’ve lost sight of the aim and target falling into the traps of comforts which are temporary we forsake the comfort which is permanent. The peace within can give someone comfort of sleeping on a rock, yet a person who is not comfortable within, will be unable to sleep on the most comfortable memory foam. Even agreeing and knowing all of that we still blind ourselves, the illusions are that strong, we look at each other with judgments someone is homosexual, Hindu, Muslim, Black, White, short, tall, ugly, rich, or poor but we forget that everyone is a soul, everyone has worth everyone has a reason to be here just as much as us. And most importantly everyone is part of that same light, we are a family, we are infact just ‘one’.

Often I think the best prayer is when someone is so content with themselves and their surroundings that they only give thanks, but one prayer that I think needs to be there for people who have awakened souls, is that they themselves be used to do the right thing at the right time, that they are given that understanding to say and to assist in whatever way possible for humanity and to uphold principals which are just and fair. We cannot be passive participants in life, we must be engaged and present in each second that is the only way we can consciously be awake instead of just drifting by.

The return to Innocence

2011-09-29T14:18:00.001-05:00

We are all born with unique physical features and internal qualities. As we grow and understand ourselves and the world around us we start to categorize these qualities as strengths and weaknesses.

Both positive and negative connotations are put into place from others input and our own perception of who we are and what we stand for. As time goes on we solidify what we count as our strengths and we work on what we had categorized as our weaknesses. The world continuously dictating which qualities are of value and which are ones holding us back from success or what the definition of success is to our peers or surroundings.

As I think about these, and watch my kids grow I realize two things which are prevalent, there are truly those qualities which one is born with, personality and characteristics which are very different. But there are also those qualities which we value and reinforce on ourselves or those around us that also shape us into what we are and what we eventually are to become.

We live in a society which is constantly focused on self improvement. Look better, feel better, lose the weight, get the education, gain the wealth, understand this, understand that etc. etc..

Take all of the tangible things in life and all the qualities associated with those are in very high demand. The qualities of being out going, people person, skills of communication are considered to be an asset, being shy or introverted are not considered skills but hindrances to our goals. We’ll read books to change ourselves, manipulate our lifestyles change our image, just so we can ‘fake it till we make it’.

Throughout our lives there is a constant within us of who we are, everyone can find the child within themselves. Everyone can find things which make them very comfortable, and also very uncomfortable all within. Yet nobody focuses on the ‘within’ element during our development. Everything is pre set to learn this skill, that language, that song, that subject. Where education, science, logic and world ends, that’s where spirituality begins, the rules are very different, the skills needed here are also very different.

Fortunately we were born with those skills, we just have to tap in and find certain toolsets that we had long put in the corner because they had no place to give us worldly advancement. The minute that introspection begins, one starts to realize there was no strength, there was no weakness those words were man made, they were forced on us by a society which wants certain things form us.

We were made as we were ment to be made and spirituality’s first step is the acceptance of who you are not what you want your image to be, not what you change yourself to be, but who you are without those preconceived notions. It itself is in essence a rebirth of your inner voice where you were once free from the shackles of a society that corrupted your thought, that made something good or bad, that made you wise or unwise in the eyes of others. Spiritual folks are often misunderstood for this very reason, they tend to walk a path that is illogical to the person who has not tapped into oneself as they have.

Everything is a balance, and though we need skills to survive on earth and be wonderful people, successful individuals who contribute to society, we need even more now a days a balance of spirituality. It has gone missing as the world picks up its pace faster and faster spirituality gets further and further away from us. When we were living in nature, spirituality was all around us, we were able to be in tune with creation from the surroundings, but as things progressed we became smarter our spiritual mind became weaker, less and less used, explored or understood.

It is important to tap into that power that is not bound by judgements, or classifications. In our selves we can find the peace, and healing that is needed. Its not the easiest path or journey to undertake, as with anything its full of scary pitfalls.

But what if, someone said, you are who you are, as you are and there is nothing wrong or right with that. What if someone lifted the burden of judgment and constant ‘self improvement’ off of us, and said look in nature there is no apology, things are as they are, as they should be and your duty is to fulfill not what you or others have categorized as your destiny but your true calling, when you are true to yourself.

I know its getting a little deep and confusing I’m probably writing it worse then I am thinking it but my point is nothing is a weakness, and nothing is a strength. You are perfect just the way you are, as that was the way you were ment to be, when you are calm and still inside then there is no reason to change or to improve, you are already at the destination, you want to improve to gain something, but when there is nothing to gain there is no reason to improve!

We need to stop thinking, and start feeling. When we are younger and don’t know any better we rely on our feelings, we are innocent and we only go by what internally feels right, when we get older many more layers of complications come into play. Our actions are not just about feelings they have get processed through many experiences and understandings, and we lose the ‘feeling’. Its funny how spirituality is almost like taking a step back, to feel again, to regain that child and that innocence that we were so quickly ready to lose, that society was so quickly ready to take. Spirituality brings back those feelings the truth of who you are and helps you become who you are REALLY meant to become!

East Meets West

2011-09-01T07:50:00.004-05:00

Bitter sweet moment for me yesterday 8/31/11, first time I lost an argument to my son. I wanted to document this moment and my feelings because I think it helps me grow as a parent, and more so as an individual. My son is 4 (almost 5) and started Kindergarten this week, in doing so he has for the first time been thrust from a full time home environment to a new setting with multitude of new stimuli and influences for him to absorb and learn. Here is the dialogue of our conversation /debate of a 4 year old (Baltej) vs. 36 year old (me):

Baltej : “ I tell them I speak Spanish at home”

Me: A little confused, because I know he realizes we speak Punjabi at home I ask him “Why?”

Baltej: “Because they will know what that is”

Me: Now the Punjabi in me is a little offended, what does he mean? “You should tell them you speak Punjabi”

Baltej: “Then they will say what is that?”

Me: “You say it’s a language from India”

Baltej: “Then they will say what is India?”

Me: “You can tell them it’s a country like the United States”

Baltej: “Then they will say where is it?”

Me: Getting a little frustrated “You take a map out and…..hmm” Realizing how unreasonable it would be to have a map in your pocket or how two five year olds could have such a rational discussion, I pause.

Baltej: Sensing my hesitation to say anything further “See I tell you daddy”.

At that point I realized how much thought he had given to this question and his answer, thanks to shows like Diego and Dora, everyone knew what Spanish was. I had to admit that I was unprepared for him to have such a rational thought process. I also realized how elegantly with the path of least resistance he had communicated to his classmate that he speaks a foreign language at home. At that point I let the discussion go, as I realized his logic, but I kept thinking about it for a few minutes and as I was putting him to bed I had a solution for him and told him “Baltej, what you can say next time is you speak a language called Punjabi, it’s like Spanish”, he had a huge smile on his face and said “YEAH!”. :-)

Later I went downstairs and told my wife about the discussion and she told me that this morning he asked her to speak in English when she dropped him off to his class. Again I had the sense of being upset, was he ashamed of his language? But I had to take a step back and remember how things where when I was five, so many changes going from a predominantly Eastern culture of your home to a totally Western culture environment. Its something I struggled with immensely, I almost lived like two lives, one in my house where it was all Indian culture and language, and in school it was western. I was able to after a while (many years) appreciate both and see values in both philosophies of thought. I later felt privileged to have this experience as I realized both cultures had positives and negatives which I could pick and choose from to apply to my value system. But in the beginning it was a true balancing act, where the only difference was I would not have dared asked my dad to speak to me in English!

The child has no sense of what to be ashamed of, they are looking for how to fit in and mold into the environment trying to understand their place. I always figured as a parent I am interested in the end result, as I see it like a ship, as long as it is steered in the destination which is to make them good, spiritual beings, then the smaller bumps or battles make no difference.

We (those who grew up in countries other than India) are hybrids, we value both cultures, and mostly we are comfortable in the culture we grew up in. Hybrids have the unique experience and understanding of each of the cultures they have meshed together, they understand the logic the history and belief system. I’ve actually lived more western than I originally thought, realized this when I went to India in 1995 and really felt out of place, almost felt exactly like a foreigner. My children will have the added benefit of being next generation hybrids, as with technology they will be much more efficient and robust, but I have to cultivate the environment for them. I am also realizing that I am different then my parents, nor can I be them, what they did was immense, they came to a foreign land adapted and still kept us pretty entrenched in our eastern value system.

I am not them, I cannot be them so my strategy has to change and I have to be true to myself. Kids want honesty and for them nothing is more disheartening than someone being disingenuous. When my dad made it ‘little india’ in our house as we were growing up, he never spoke in English, that was because he was being himself, he was not trying to be cool, or mold himself to what others thought was right, he was very steadfast in his beliefs and that’s why I think it resonated with us. That is the main lesson for me to learn on how to be myself and stick to what I believe.

After having this thought I told my wife, maybe its ok if we speak to him in English at school, I already spoke to him in English when we were out at stores without thinking because when I am outside of my house I end up communicating that way, its who I am. Of course I believe my mother tongue Punjabi is relevant I adore and love it just as much, its also why I am thankful that I was forced to learn it and speak it at home now that I see its benefit. Parenting is a constant shift in strategy, its always making me question myself and find new things about myself through my children’s experience.

I really enjoy this part, even though I don’t have the answers, I enjoy the aspects of going back in time and drawing from my personal experience, of my feelings and trying to relate to my children not as a parent, but as someone who had been there done that, felt that did this sort of relationship, that’s what I am most comfortable with. Everyone uses various methods, some enjoy the dictatorship, or democracy, or other manners in which to communicate right and wrong, mine is to ponder and to try to relate. The end goal is the only thing I am concerned about, the small details are important but are not the end of the world either.

As my kids grow I am looking forward to more such thoughts and dialogue with them, not to teach them, but to teach myself. To have a chance to relate with a new perspective, by re-living it through them. It is one of the major benefits of having kids, you start to see the world very differently, you start to see some of your own thoughts and past in a different light. So maybe in a very odd paradigm parenting is not about teaching, but about learning, about gaining knowledge and better understanding of who you are, after all I never knew I was speaking Spanish at home!

The 'Special Prize'

2011-07-19T12:35:00.005-05:00

Growing up I didn’t understand it, only having kids of my own I am able to truly appreciate some aspects of parenting, the challenges, the constant second guessing, the stress and mostly the overwhelming desire, NOT TO MESS UP!

The toughest job in the world must be being a parent. I thought I had patience, I thought that I had lot of tolerance, all that goes out the door on a daily basis for me at home. My kids test the limits of my tolerance, I find myself trying to dig deeper for patience to handle the ever chaotic scenarios they present me with daily.

Every parent has the dreaded role, with my wife at home, mine has become that of an enforcer. All throughout the day the kids are told when they do something wrong Daddy will find out about this when he comes home. Both of the boys are now trained enough to disclose all their wrong doings the minute I walk in the door, was it a good report?, a bad report?, what things they did right, what they did wrong. I sometimes feel like The Sheriff in old western movies, when they walk into a bar, and everyone is one edge. When I swing the door open to my house I sometimes play that western music in my head, the door squeaks, the sheriff is home, the kids know what’s coming now, a report, my reward of a “wow good job” or my look of disappointment as I look them in the eye.

I don’t mind playing that role, and disciplining my kids, but it takes a lot out of you. Constantly they are breaking all rules of common sense; you would think they would get it. Throwing the toy laptop on your brother’s head may cause injury. Jumping from the third stair backwards is not the smartest thing in the world, but they don’t. They are kids and I have to constantly remind myself that I am the adult, many times in the heat of the moment I forget, and there are the ‘CUZ I SAID SO’ moments where I have no other response but to say that to their constant barrage of ‘whys?’. Every time I have to put one of them in the corner, I feel a part of myself standing in the corner with them. I know they are kids, and this is what they do, that is their role, but it is my role as a parent to try to make them aware of the dangers and discipline that is required in life.

Truth is I have no idea what I am doing half the time (ok more than half!). Each child is unique and different; one formula does not work for all. I am consistently trying out new methods and approaches to push them to do things like cleanup. I have invented a very clever way that is working for the last few weeks, I promise them a ‘special prize’ when they keep asking what it is, I refuse to disclose it, that’s because I myself don’t know what it is, the special prize is a moving target. Once the job is done (cleaned up the room, or eaten their full plate of dinner) the special prize is promised at the end of the night after watching their behavior. The special prize is hung over their head, and by night it disappears, they forget and I am glad that another day of the special prize has worked!

Every parent knows their children very well, they know their expressions of sadness, anger, disappointment, and while being tough you have to endure those, along with puppy dog eyes and pouting lips. You have to go against your instincts of giving in to your child and making sure they got the point, even if it’s only for a second, and they forget, but in that moment you have given them the lesson. In those small daily lessons there is a hidden destination, the other part of being a parent is full time worry. You worry about making sure your kids have the best you can provide, you push yourself to your own limits to make sure or try to cover all the bases, yet there just seems like time is so limited.

Recently I overheard a conversation of a friend’s father (Uncle Gajinder Singh from GNFA) was having with another lady sitting next to me. He was talking about raising kids and said:

“We used to pray that God please make our kids Sikh’s like us, and now I pray, please God make me a Sikh like my kids”

That sums up every parents heartfelt desire, not just to say it, but mean it, to make a better human than we ourselves are. Parents are the most unselfish beings on the planet. They are truly the only ones that will celebrate when you beat them. Everyone else in the world may be envious of your successes but a parent will only feel proud, will only be ecstatic that you succeeded, and surpassed even their own life accomplishments.

So remember that every time you are given a time out,

Did not get what you wanted,

Where disciplined,

Were told no, or “CUZ I SAID SO!”

We all do the things we do so that one day we can see our kids surpass us, in all aspects of life, that is every parents’ ‘special prize’.

To beard or not to beard...

2011-07-07T15:47:00.001-05:00

Ever since I have gotten my beard when I was a teenager I was excited about it, it made me feel older, look older and was the beginning of ‘manhood’. Since it became longer I remember trying various products to tie it up, to make it look neat and tidy. Using pins, hairspray, mousse, or combinations of all of them I tried pretty much every product to see how it would work. It was a great hobby, the goal was to try to make it look so nice and neat, each hair in its place gelled to perfection. After 9/11 I realized one day that nobody knew I had a long beard as it was always tied up and looked ‘trimmed’ to the common eye, so I started doing beard down Fridays, to show that I have a long uncut beard which I tie up, to those around me this was a very interesting sight, one day the beard looked small next day it was down to my chest.

So few months ago I decided to do something daily that I normally reserved for Fridays and weekends. That was to let my beard down and stop trying to tame it into submission every morning.

Tying a beard properly takes time and effort; it also takes a lot of patience as anyone who has styled hair knows that every day is different. Depending on the humidity or other factors each day was/is a challenge. I have nothing against tying a beard, I did / do it for years but there was always something inside me that did not feel right about it. Maybe it was the fact that it just seemed like something I was hiding, and taking painstaking efforts to look neat and groomed to western standards. Even today when I sit in executive meetings, all around me are nicely groomed gentlemen; there are times where I feel a little insecure about my long bushy beard. But there are those random glimpses of my shadow or reflection in the mirror that for a split second remind me who I am, that make it worth it!

My beard is a part of me, it is part of my identity and it is a part of my uniqueness, it connects me to something so special. It is a prevalent part of my face, in fact between the beard and turban I am just a set of eyeballs and nose! I belong to something greater than just trying to look great for society; I am trying to look my best for something better something higher and something that means much more than this. My entire image belongs to something else, it is not mine, what a dent to an ego that is, when you fail to be able to even have your own image. This is the thing I am most proud of, what my ancestors gave lives for and what has driven me spiritually for years, this image, this uniqueness and this power to stick out is why I am where I am, nothing I did could have gotten me this far. The power and humility I feel when I tie my turban or brush my beard with my hand, it automatically connects me, reminds me constantly that my actions have consequences that I have certain ideals to live by and very high standards that this image represents, to meet.

When I leave my beard down it just makes me feel normal, it makes me feel at ease with myself, plus the fact that I don’t have hairspray on my face making me feel sticky, or flaky gel, or pins which are pulling at random hairs. What’s the point of looking groomed when you feel uncomfortable, grooming is not about looks it’s about cleanliness and you can be clean while having a beard if you brush it daily, wash it daily and maintain healthy habits.

There is a special thing about a flowing beard, a natural beauty and feeling which does not come when you tie it. When the wind goes through your beard it moves as if it was just an extension of your face, it makes you stick out even more, it makes you go against pretty much all sense of western style imaginable, and there is a comfort in that, to walk a path that is rarely tread, to put yourself out there. I have the occasional, pressure to tie it in formal functions, but you know, life is about living in an experience not from pressures from others. I have chosen to try what the inner voice in myself states to try, if that means I am criticized or admired that part has no relevance just that I need to live it, to know it.

This is who I am, this is what I believe and where I feel comfortable. I imagine that in the past Sikhs would have lived / looked like this, they would be proud of this identity and uniqueness that assists in spiritual development. For those who tie their beards more power to them, I have experienced both ends of this spectrum and let me tell you the freedom from products and stress of trying to keep something molded in a shape is liberating, I wake up brush my beard the occasional hand pat down throughout the day to keep it somewhat tidy and I let the wind and nature do the rest.

The Revolution of Truth : Sach Productions

2011-06-29T12:29:00.000-05:00

Many of us sit in our comfortable homes, in cushion seats and have a bag of chips, with a can of soda. Oblivious to others, we sit numbed in our own reality. One person I know that is not numb for sure is my sister Harpreet. Though she is younger than me, I respect her passion, her drive, and mostly her sacrifice to offer voices to those subject matters which are normally drowned out.

Harpreet graduated college just like most of us, with a degree in a field she wanted to pursue. She started her career and promising potential and income awaited. She was quickly hired as a reporter by a local TV station who noticing her talent and drive offered her own segment and ample opportunity for advancement. Though the potential for income and promotion at that moment was high, she started to feel like there was more to offer with the skills she had. With the support of her husband she quit her job and went to India, with a mission to document stories of the Widows of 1984. This experience I believe changed her to her core, and she became someone that was not after the fame and money, that was potentially viable in her career as she was unique, showcasing diversity in a field that had very little of it.

I know many people in the Indian community believe that wealth is the measure for success, but very few believe that experience, and life fulfillment itself can be successful. For the Widow Colony, Harpreet and Manmeet (her husband) struggled financially, barely making ends meet. They had to move to Texas which had a lower cost of living to complete this project, continuously ask for donations for post production expenses, but they kept digging, and scrapping. They would tell their experiences to anyone that would listen, and would go around trying to organize the Sikh community to host screenings for this movie.

As with anything, there was resistance and push back, even from Sikhs who wanted to quell this matter. Yet Harpreet kept pushing it and eventually was able to host screenings all over the globe, starting off in India itself, inviting prominent leaders to view it. Amazing courage and perseverance was shown on her and her teams behalf to be able to pull off from the grass roots, something our community was not used to, having its own media representation. For the first time it was a Sikh film maker telling the story of the Sikh experience. What a wonderful product and documentation the Widow Colony is, it is one of the tools that can be used now, to never forget.

After its success at film festivals, Harpreet again was at a cross road, she could now pursue even more lucrative careers with media companies with the experience of having directing and producing a major documentary feature. Yet again the calling to put oneself, and their opportunities in the back seat, to give someone else a voice was still in her. Quickly Harpreet organized another team to go to India once again, this time to tackle the issue of farmer suicides. Again the major obstacles of funding and logistics were painstaking.

In the end Harpreet was able to take a team to India to start filming the story of farmer suicide from a personal standpoint. This time she wanted to make a true difference in the lives of those she was using to tell the story. Her vision and I remember myself and many others thinking was impossible. To take the poorest children who had lost parents to farmer suicide, empower them to feel like they can fight for their rights, and organize a demonstration in Dehli, have them all meet with the agricultural minister and demand change in policies. For those who know a little about India, this is a very high feet to even attempt.

But again drive and determination, heartache and hard work paid off :

http://www.alittlerevolution.com/home.php?p=main&showvid=main-09

Many people feel, they need to know a celebrity to know what greatness is, or someone who is rich and famous. We seldom acknowledge those normal people who have abnormal desires and capabilities, their drive to make their vision come to fruition not for themselves but for the betterment of others. I am sure Harpreet and Manmeet could have had very comfortable lifestyles, they are both very smart and talented individuals. Yet they choose to put a passion first, something that takes courage, sacrifice and commitment, very few people can put it all on the line like that.

Sadly our community is not swift to recognize such talent and commitment, and many of these people end up disheartened. I probably have not seen or experienced everything but I have seen some of the lowest points to try to get these issues out, to organize small things, to fund these sorts of projects, and deal at times with a thankless community. Yet I am encouraged by the spirit of those who have the heart and selfless service aspirations, they know no defeat.

Harpreet/Manmeet, you are one of those few people. Thank you for your service to our community, thank you for bringing these stories to the forefront, and mostly thank you for continuing to do this work even when every instinct and rational sense was telling you not to. After all in the end, that is the real Sach, the truth that only thing that one can take with them is selfless service, the rest we just leave behind like castles of sand.

More information on Sach Productions :
http://sachproductions.org/
http://www.thewidowcolony.com/

and comming soon... http://www.alittlerevolution.com/

No Guts, No Glory

2011-06-21T07:20:00.000-05:00

What is guts? To me guts, or gut feeling is your inner dialogue, it is when your soul or something beyond your mind is telling you something. Your mind may be rational and have fight or flight response, but the gut is something different, it’s separated. Maybe the gut feeling is the soul, the inner voice that we mostly drown out as noise.

Often when we have an impulse, or a sense beyond rationalization we try to ignore it, when we have a thought to donate money, if we just pause at that moment we have the feeling to give, but within a few seconds we are reminded of our financial status and how that money, whatever amount it is, can be used for something better, or more rational. Our mind quickly but surely smothers any shot for our gut to have a chance. When we are doing something against the grain our gut is encouraging us, but our mind is holding us back, trying to get us to conform so that we do not have to have headaches.

The only way I have found to get above the mind is to do the opposite, is to rebel persistently to rationalizations in your mind. In my small understanding and life, I have often tried to go against things I have thought rational, even little decisions, like donating when I had the impulse even if I was not sure I had the money to fulfill it, in those experiences I felt that the mind does not have the control I thought it did. Its weakness becomes more evident with each revolt I organize against it.

To me logic is not something that is real; it is the illusion of fear and perception. When I look at nature there is no logic a flower blooms not from fear but it just does, a tree grows its roots expand, it reaches heights without worrying about what its limits are. Nature all around us lives in the very moment; the logic is irrelevant, because logic implies that there is something that is illogical as well.

Every person is unique, their life is set to the trajectory that it will ultimately go, we can try to live logically, and fear driven, or we can live in the moment without fear that each moment we have or issue, it leads us to somewhere, somewhere we belong not by accident but by our own thinking and action.

What is a life lived in fear and worry, sure there are things we need to be aware of, I don’t mean just walk across the street without looking both ways! But on the same token don’t keep looking both ways when you are walking on the side walk! Their needs to be a balance of the mind vs. the gut. Mainly most of us live in the mind, in the logic and in the fear that our actions will create misery or abundance for ourselves. When our gut talks we just try to justify our good ‘thought’ but then strategically erase it prior to our action. What are we worried about making a mistake? If that is the case then why have we made so many mistakes even while being so rational? Has it led to an error proof life? A life without hardship? Of course not, even being rational we trip up, we constantly make the wrong moves, yet we forgive our mind, we don’t say hey you got me in trouble last time, you get a time out. That’s how powerful the mind is in self justification. You will always remember that 2 dollars you gave to a beggar, but you will forget the 2 dollars you wasted on a video game at the arcade!

Realization that the mind is in control of not only our actions but our historical references of our past starts to free us a little.

The most important part is that the mind constantly is living in the future or the past. Its planning a course for you to tread or historically referencing something that you did. The gut, is the only part of you that is living in the moment, it’s the feeling in everything you do, in every split second you have something inside you guiding you, to do this or that, to act like this or like that. Its telling you to ask the person in need of help if they need help, its telling you to reach in your wallet when you see someone in need or a good cause, its telling you hey do this right now, you won’t hear it repeat itself. The mind works on constant nagging, it beats things into you, and it creates fear in you to make you obey.

When we listen to the mind we live life, but when we listen to the inner voice we feel life, we feel each moment, our emotions are triggered a deeper self is found and most importantly we experience exactly what we need to at that given moment or time. If the logic is taken out of the equation then no experience is good or bad, or negative or positive, it just becomes a moment where you felt something.

I dare myself constantly to feel something to try to do opposite of what the rational mind is telling me to do, most of the times I am unsuccessful, but there are those rare moments when a ray of sunshine and my gut feeling wins, and that’s when I know there is something beyond this, a higher self beyond what we are entangled in here, beyond our possessions and accomplishments which are worth very little in reality.

The spiritual journey is constantly putting yourself out of the comfort zone in the zone where you can be ridiculed easily because you stepped out of bounds. You constantly have people thinking that you are either brave, or crazy or a bit of both. When you are ridiculed, when you have stepped beyond what the ‘norm’ is, you should take a moment to thank your gut, because it put you there! :-)

The Reality of Duality

2011-06-15T08:38:00.001-05:00

There is discontent within us, under the calm exterior an interior full of duality. Duality is the cause of many of our challenges, we feel one thing but do another, we do something but feel something else. If a human was to go through a shake down all sorts of issues would be evident.

Recently I heard about another young Sikh boy who cut his hair to conform to the ‘norm’ of society. To some this is a big loss, in fact they look at Punjab (majority Sikh State in India) and see lack of turbans as a sign of a spiritual depression. I to have had my thoughts about this, as the world becomes smaller with social media and information is accessible to those who never had it, there is bound to be some fall out, or some ‘melting’ of cultures. Many of my peers who have kids fear this fate, that one day their kids may succumb to such pressures; we strategize how to maintain our Sikh identity in this culture shock that every young individual is bound to go through. We try to hold on to something so strong that we forget the meaning of it.

Sikhism is about religious freedom, it is about spiritual exploration, and mostly it is about an individual journey. Instead of worrying about our kids, or society we need to start worrying about ourselves. In the past when it was very unpopular to be a Sikh, even to the point that you may have been killed or captured, Sikhism thrived, not because we tried to fear or coax our kids, but because the Sikhs of the past lived a lifestyle that others envied. The way to bring up your kids as Sikhs, is to show how it brings peace to your life, is to live as an example. Being a Dictator and instilling fear will only last but so long, it may even foster the environment of rebellion. But being an example, bringing Sikhi in your life, and living in its virtues will inspire others. You don’t have to be a salesman here, you don’t even have to preach, you just have to live, and improve yourself.

Many times I offend people by saying I do not want to force Sikhism on my children. It is indeed my most precious wish that they are great Sikhs and can benefit from the vast teachings of this great religion, but if it is not I will not point the finger at them. I will consider it a weakness in myself, that I must have not been a good example. Far too often we are quick to blame the ‘situation’. Many of us are fake ourselves blaming our life or situations on why we cannot be better. Yet we fail to admit the fault is in ourselves, the weakness is in ourselves and because we fail to recognize the truth, we do not give ourselves a chance to improve.

A discussion I once had with someone who gave me every excuse in the book not to be able to take amrit or to wake up at amrit vela, yet that same person was jumping through hoops and overcoming all obstacles to fulfill one of his hobbies. It just comes down to priorities, we are entangled in our own webs of deceit, when it comes to making more $$ we are willing to do pretty much anything legal and even a little illegal to get the job done, yet when it comes to earning character, being bold, standing for something more than just a material object, we often shy away, go to the back of the line, and have a full list of excuses already done to be excused from such responsibility.

Then we wonder why Sikhism is on the decline, we need to stop looking around us, and look within us, if society is at a decline we are part of that blame, part of that burden goes to each individual person, and we need to start owning up. A Sikh can never live in fear, or worry, whatever is to happen will happen, what we can control is our reaction. Our lives are more than just a routine bunch of tasks, to gain status or comforts.

We will leave behind everything material, yet we only focus on what is temporary and ways to improve ourselves we deny, we put our own spin to our daily actions without consciously thinking how will this improve me as a person, how will this bring me closer to recognizing the truth about my existence.

Too busy with mundane tasks to be bothered, too busy complaining or seeing the glass half empty, our life gets wasted in complaints and desires unfulfilled, we feel empty and we try to fill ourselves with useless crap all around us, for god sake, be real with yourself, be real with your truth, stop making excuses, stop hiding in duality and own up to the responsibility that we are meant for so much more than just this, we can be an example, we can be the catalyst for change, we can be the change that we want to see in society, but first step to accept you have to work, that your ego has to be damaged, that the truth has to be faced is the most daunting one. Once you accept that you are the culprit of your own weakness then improvement/change will automatically occur.

You can talk about it all you want, keeping water in your mouth, it won’t quench your thirst until you take a sip, until you start entrenching yourself in the lifestyle required.

The journey has to begin with the sledge hammer of truth hitting the wall of ego and excuses. You can only inspire others, if you inspire yourself, you can only change others, if you change yourself, and you can only prove that a lifestyle is worth the trouble by living as an example. So next time you see a weakness in society or in your community, instead of getting distraught why not take one weakness within yourself and improve that, a better you will also improve the society as a whole!

Have something to say?

2011-06-06T06:37:00.001-05:00

There is nothing more daunting to me than public speaking. I am not the most eloquent speaker nor do I feel comfortable on that platform, its mainly why I choose to write a blog. I do however try to take the challenge when offered, just so I can improve myself.

Recently Sher Singh from GAISS(www.guruangadinstitute.org) invited me to speak at the schools graduation, reluctantly I took the offer. My fear here was two fold, one it is public speaking secondly it is speaking to a special group of kids.

GAISS (Guru Angad Institute of Sikh Studies) is one of the institutions which I greatly respect, its sevadars, management and students are very unique. Their passion and hardwork, towards learning gurmukhi (Punjabi language) virsa (Sikh heritage) and Gurmat Sangeet (Kirtan in raaga’s) is unparalleled. They are also involved in many interfaith activities and outreach to the community as a whole.

The students there are already very much into Sikhism and are well versed in its history. They have a very deep appreciation of Gurbani and are also very talented. The overwhelming task was what do I say to them? I respect them so it was very difficult to come up with content, in the end I made a set of bullet points, the speech however sort of took a life of its own as I deviated from some of the topics I wanted to talk about.

When I was talking I started pretending that these were my kids, Himmat and Baltej, and what would I say to them. It turned into a future conversation I would love to have, and that is my motivation to post it on my blog. Besides it gives those who read my blog a chance to see and maybe get a laugh at my public speaking skills!

Enjoy!

Hopes, Dreams and Aspirations

2011-05-20T07:38:00.000-05:00

We all live with certain ideas, and in those ideas are our hopes. Better future, in whatever we hold important, wealth, environment, family or any other topic which is dear to us. We have so much in common with every person we pass, we meet, or see yet we only see the differences. Rarely do we wonder how our actions and words my affect someone else, we go about most of our daily routine only worrying about one perception, which is ours, how everything is serving me, how all the facilities of earth are catering to me. A good example is during traffic you are stuck with all the people around you, who are also going through the same frustration, but everyone is just trying to get in front of everyone else. Knowing that even if you get past one car it won’t take you out of the frustration we still do it, we try not to let anyone cut in front of us, justifying somehow that one or two cars which sunk past cheated or disrespected us!

That’s how life is; we are all stuck here, under very similar conditions. Very similar desires, and very similar circumstances yet nobody wants to worry about another, we are in traffic only trying to get ahead of whoever is next to us. It doesn’t matter even when we know that getting ahead was not worth it, as long as they are in our rear view mirror we are satisfied. Someone buys a better car than us, externally we congratulate them, and internally our mind starts to work, how can I buy something greater, and better than this, how can I put this in my rear view mirror. And in this way the world spins, we spin, and the cycle continues.

Are we running around in circles? Or trying to get to a destination? If we choose a destination then this stuff does not matter. If you ever felt excited about getting somewhere, you rarely remember the traffic, you rarely remember who was in front of you, or who was in your rear view. You just focus on the destination, the rest journey is to get somewhere. At times I think I’m in a race, we are constantly in the state of competition against someone or something that we make up, if we step back from this competition and look at it, what is it? What drives us to compete? Is it our ego? Or is it our stupidity to and failure to understand that the destination is bigger than the journey itself.

Another thing that we do so easily is, once something is past we rarely remember it. We reach a certain income level, we forget those behind us, because we don’t have to catch them! We only want to catch those ahead. When you are driving your car, how many people do you notice waiting for the bus, at our jobs if our boss walks in our level of attention goes up, yet if a cleaning person walks in we don’t even acknowledge it sometimes. This is our selective thinking; though everyone is equal we judge them on where they are in regards to us. Are they in front, then they deserve respect we lend them our ear, are willing to be patient, yet if they are behind us, we have no patience for them, we rarely have respect or apathy towards them beyond what is politically correct.

The drive to succeed is merely fear from failure, is that we don’t want to be the one in the back. We want to hit the acceleration constantly out of fear that drives us. Disguised in various terms even justified based on family needs or our own desires we hide the ultimate truth that truly success would not exist if there was no fear or failure. In our resumes we would never write things we ‘messed’ up yet we all know, that is a blatant lie we messed up more than we have done it right! As a parent I see myself making mistakes daily, yet when I see someone with an infant, I forget to mention to them that hey we also messed up, I end up giving advice like I’m an expert, when expertise is only gained with lessons learned from mistakes!

Ive been made a fool of in my life much more than I have looked smart, but in foolishness in mistakes, in those spots where I was passed by someone, or I was the one in the rear view were the times when my true self was able to come out. When we are humbled we sense something else, we realize that we are not perfect and this act is not really me, but only what fear of being me makes me do. We need to accept first that we are weak and imperfect, that we have thousands of failures for one success, that we have thousands of weaknesses vs one strength and that we are human.

Such is our true state, or varying degrees of it. The truth is for someone to be ahead, someone has to be behind, the people in front and behind us are equally as important, because we are in this together. In fact you are ‘behind’ someone too! That’s a fact we should not forget!

We don’t own anything! This mind, body, and wealth none is ours. If we owned anything we would have the power to create it, or change it, yet we do not. Everyone would look like a super model and be as smart as Einstein, who would choose to be unattractive or dumb given the choice?

I believe the only choice we have is to accept or not the energy that is greater than us, if we feel that we are in control then we will constantly drive fast because we are not sure if we will get our dues, if we will get what’s coming unless we are aggressive, but the opposite is true when you recognize there is something beyond this, you don’t drive fast you can even let people in front of you because everyone will get their dues. Your destiny is guaranteed, and you don’t have to try to put people behind you. Do the right thing and have faith, that your destiny will be yours, and have the power to accept whatever it may be, that should be our real hope/dream and aspiration.

Whats the Maya with you?

2011-05-12T10:48:00.000-05:00

So last weekend my wife and I decided to join my sister and brother in law in their home search. We have often discussed the idea of trying to move closer or in the same neighborhood, it would be perfect chance to get into better school districts and have family support close by. So we headed off on Sunday, wonderful weather and great looking homes upwards to the $1 million in price. Each home with their own beauty and elegance, each one bigger than the next offering even a better view, acre’s. I can honestly say I felt a real ‘high’. I could not stop smiling as I pictured myself living in these lavish places, with wonderful surroundings. Granted I do not live very humbly already but living in one of these homes would be a statement. No way one can walk into some homes and not be left in awe with some of the space and luxuries.

So for a few days, I felt myself still walking in those homes, and then I did the dreaded reality check. Can I really afford this? At first glance the answer is yes, you look at the monthly mortgage, and your income and it’s pretty clear how much you can afford monthly. So I was back on my high horse, but another reality came soon after. One of the tubs in my house leaked to the first floor, after tearing down the drywall I noticed a pipe leak. Few weeks ago I had a plumber come out and take a look; he gave me the estimate of $325 to fix it. At that time I thought a small leak in a pipe and $325, though I’m not the handiest person I figured this pipe costs about $10 at the hardware store, so I went out and bought all the necessary components to fix this leak myself. Two weeks into this project I have fixed the initial leak, but had to replace almost every pipe in that section costing about $50 so far, and now there is a new leak for which I need to buy another pipe! Though I am sure there is another moral to this story somewhere, the problem is still there and until it is fixed I’m not worried about figuring out the lesson in that experience just yet :-).

The reality that hit me was, for this small expense, in a smaller house I had opted to ‘do it myself’ yet I was willing to buy double or even triple size house thinking I could afford it! So I wondered about it, how did that mentality come in, where did I think, why did I think, and I realized how I had gotten intoxicated. Visually stunning and made to believe I could not live without it feeling. Not that I am saying living nicely is wrong, but understanding ones limits, and what one is worth not by where they live but what value they have in their lives is very important. You can drive the nicest car, quietest and zero to sixty faster than anyone but the thrill that is gained from helping someone in need cannot be replicated. The peace of mind one can get is not a product of their environment, but their understanding of whatever situation they are in. Society wants to push is into things because that is the culture of a capitalistic society, bigger, better, more, even more, never ending.

One of the things I once read about Buddhism was a saying some of the monks live by : “Half mat, full mat, a fist full of rice” meaning all you really need in the world is half mat when you are sitting, full mat when you are sleeping and a fist full of rice to fill your stomach. Realistically we live very privileged lives in the USA, far beyond what we sometimes realize!

On Tuesday listening to the Sikhnet radio during work a shabad came up which caught my attention, Rae Nar Eh Saachee Jeea Dhaar, translation:

O man, grasp this Truth firmly in your soul.

The whole world is just like a dream; it will pass away in an instant |PAUSE|

Like a wall of sand, built up and plastered with great care, which does not last even a few days, just so are the pleasures of Maya (worldly illusions). Why are you entangled in them you ignorant fool?

Understand this today – it is not yet too late, chant and vibrate the Name, Says Nanak, this is the subtle wisdom of the Holy saints, which I proclaim out loud to you. |END|

So simply said, so profound and it hit me that, even in my intentions I forgot one simple thing. The reminder that life’s purpose is far more than this. Great to have full luxuries but one’s mind and soul must be in tune with the energy, with the truth of this reality that nothing is permanent. We are not here forever and we have limited energy and time, to accomplish all of these goals, worldly and spiritually. Every opportunity is a chance to learn and experience something, about yourself, about your actions and reactions and a chance for you to see something deeper than just what is at hand.

Maya has many meanings in Indian religions, but it is in essence ‘illusion’. The view that this thing will make me feel a certain way, but when the curtain is lifted it did not fulfill that, is Maya. It requires a full book to explain; most eastern philosophies are centered on that very word! In the west Maya has been celebrated, so much that it has become part of the culture, ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’. The driving factor is to get more and have more of ‘stuff’ of something accumulated to try to fill voids which do not get filled. The right remedy is needed, and to fill voids in ourselves realization of the truth is needed. Maya is like hunger, you quench it, it will come back again with something new, a new desire, new task, new goal, new destination is constantly required. Making us run like chickens with our heads cut off, marketing by corporations, by even people we love trying to tell us this is what is needed. The blind guiding the blind!

Only you know what you need, only you have to live with what you do, and only you can fill your own voids but first you have to know and acknowledge the weaknesses and work that needs to be done. This last weekend made me realize something about myself, some good some bad but again any experience that leads to reflection should we welcomed!

The Movie of your life

2011-05-11T10:26:00.006-05:00

I sometimes think if your life was filmed like a movie, who would watch it? Would you even watch it? Your thoughts would be the narrative and the actions you take would be the movie, what would the plot be? What would the struggle be? What would the ending be? And I guess most important would it even be interesting?

Maybe this all depends on the audience. People who strive to be successful would love to watch the movie of Bill Gates life, or as demonstrated in the box office the movie of Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook did very well. It resonated with people’s desire to somehow ‘make it’ to achieve something so big that its beyond comprehension. These folks are worth billions, for many its beyond understanding how that much wealth would feel like, or that much power, or that much success so we are intrigued by the story, by the challenges and by the way they overcame them. Our desire to be like them, to go and get what they have, because let’s face it, money and power are intoxicating. It is a driving force for us, as our livelihoods sort of define our lifestyles. How lavishly we can live all depends on the bottom line of what our $$ intake is. The more we make the more powerful we feel, that paper money, car or house give us immense power or at least the feeling of it!

Those who make more need the feel to show it, to prove not just to themselves but to others their ‘worth’. In that show and tell we get satisfaction, when someone looks at our lives and is like wow, that’s awesome we get some happiness, that our efforts have been acknowledged. Yet many people’s lives which are common have more strife, more feeling and more lack of better word ‘realness'. Truth is you can learn the same amount from a beggar as a wealthy individual, its just the difference of value in what you are looking for.

Take for example your own life, the struggles you faced, or are facing the way you interact with others, sure nobody is going to make a movie about it, but, it is worth something. Every person has a story to tell, if we are willing to listen, every person’s experience has value, if we are willing to understand.

A lot of times when I was younger my parents would be talking and I would pretty much phase out, blah blah blah blaaah….but, now I remember just the small parts that I was listening, were invaluable. The people who are older have gone through similar situations, sure times have changed and we always think we have it the ‘worst’ but reality is humans experience very similar feelings. We just have to be humble enough to see the messages and value in others experiences. Here is the great thing about our lives; we are pretty much the writer, director, producer and audience, all in one.

We can change or not change, we can understand or not understand, we can really live, or just coast on by, it’s all up to each individual. The only thing we know is the end is guaranteed to everyone, some movies will drag on for a while, others will end abruptly as the only thing that is guaranteed to us is the current ‘action’. People who know me know I am whack, I don’t even care if I contradict myself sometimes as every contradiction shows growth or change of perception and that is a key element of my movie! I don’t want to fast forward through this, I want to watch it, if I can even in slow motion, so that if I missed something at regular speed I can pick it up. Its spring time here where I live, and the weather is opening up, today on my short walk from the garage to my office, there was a very light breeze. I felt my beard sway one way and then the other as I walked and I just thought, doesn’t this happen every day? How do I miss feeling that? Maybe because I’m thinking something else or just trying to get somewhere I miss the feeling of being in the present, in the now. That feeling of living for that split second of what is happening is rare as we are always thinking, of something else. We are at work, thinking about home, at home thinking about work. The grass is always greener somewhere else to us, yet we don’t even bother to take a breath and feel what is around us. Somehow even though we have control of all components of this film, we find ourselves moving the camera away from the action, to either some past action or some possible future.

There are brief moments when this camera is in sync with the present. Sometimes we share a smile or moment with someone, or we manage to filter out all the ‘other ‘thoughts to be here. Maybe that’s the goal is to figure out how to love the present all the time, to feel the moments so your movie is worth watching, worth living. What we did, need to do, didn’t do somehow manages to take more importance than what we are ‘doing’. Come to think of it the only difference between someone insane is they openly don’t live in the present, while we act like we are here and are not.

Half of spirituality is living in the present, as when things are slow we feel and experience things that we would not when we are running. Time flies when we are having fun because when we live in the moment we transcend the reality of time while we are open to feel what is around us.

Why I dont mind being called 'Bin Laden/Osama'

2011-05-03T06:25:00.007-05:00

I grew up in America, I never thought I was much different, I knew I looked different but it never really mattered much. I believe in what this country stands for, I enjoy its multicultural atmosphere and working system of governance. I have always defended that though this country is not perfect it is an example of a ‘working system’. One that many other countries can learn from and model.

But sometimes I feel that fear is used as a tool in this country to control masses of people who are, for the lack of better word, uneducated and ignorant. If I got a penny for every time I was called Bin Laden or Arab, I would be a multi-millionaire. The true sad fact is that Sikhs fought against tyranny of religious fanaticism way before America knew what it was, even way before America was in existence. When extremism was converting Hindus to Islam in India, Sikhs were the line of defense for Hindus who would not pick up arms. Sikhs defended India from the Bin Laden’s of the past, and it was a shock when today, what our ancestors died for, the creed they laid down their lives so effortlessly saving India, even under potential extinction of our faith, we had been put in that category by ignorance and lack of education.

The first time I was called Bin Laden was on 9/2/01 at Lakeforest mall in Gaithersburg, Maryland. That day is imprinted in my mind in my psyche as a day I have never been as upset, my reaction was one of anger, I yelled obscenities back at those individuals as anger was controlling my whole body, how could someone call me that, how can a Sikh be called the same thing that our religion came to confront? Then I went home, and looked in the mirror as an American. And I saw what they see, I realized I have no idea or care what a Chinese, Korean, , or Japanese person is, they all were Chinese to me. And I went back to Sikh history and its sacrifices not for themselves but for others, for other faiths, for other people’s rights Sikhs had laid everything on the line.

I realized, that being a Sikh this was part of it, as this country which was my country was going through a normal anger reaction, being a Sikh meant standing out, it meant being the person who would take the brunt of this anger so that someone else may not have to, and that is the mentality that I went out of my house every day since then, and as I experienced the hate and bigotry (even today) I find peace in the fact that though I am not Muslim, it doesn’t matter, because it is not fair for even a Muslim to take such unfair bigotry subjected toward them, and even if one other person was spared hatred because someone got out there anger by verbally assaulting me instead I feel my duty as a Sikh was fulfilled.

When in the news reports Obama canceled his trip to the Golden Temple not to appear Muslim, (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/20/obama-golden-temple-headgear_n_769476.html) it made me cringe. Not the fact that Sikhs appear Muslim, but the fact that appearing Muslim is somehow bad. What is this teaching future generations? When I look at my sons, and there small turbans, I know they will go to school and someone will call them a terrorist, they will call them Bin Laden’s sons this is normal part of being different. I want to explain to them that fear is not something that we should fold to, if we stand up to it then it goes away.

Fear is darkness, it cannot be beaten out of you, it can only be removed if a light is shined of acceptance and hope. The message here is, no matter how dark a room is, no matter how much anger and fear there is in this world, even if that darkness is 100 years old, it only takes one small candle to light that room up, one quick moment all fear is dispelled. Fear has ruled us far too long, and is the easy way out. I challenge anyone to not fear but accept, to reverse this trend of hatred into love, it is harder work, no doubt, anything worthwhile is not easy, but is worth it.

Hate is the lowest common denominator, and putting people in a ‘box’ is very simple. Many minorities have gone through the same stigma. Where they have fought just to appear human to others, even in this progressive country homosexuals are still targeted, they are still denied basic rights and privileges that others easily receive, yet there very little uproar about it. Words which define or degrade others are used, in media. It is used for the sake of comedy, or a cheap laugh, cheap thrill and is often what sells.

Compassion is of very little demand now a days, seems like the person with the loudest voice and most outrageous thing to say will get the mic, and camera in front of them. The common sense folks are left without much fan fair, when was the last time someone read an inspiring article?

So Osama is now gone, but as I watch TV every day I am reminded, that to a typical American I look like the ‘enemy’. I feel for the victims of 9/11 and understand that his death means a little bit of peace and closure, they will never get their loved ones back, but hopefully they can heal. As an American I am even willing to take a few heated looks or anger ridden statements because I understand this is what is needed for this country, for my fellow citizens whom I grew up with, I am American not any other nationality, this is my country, I know its not perfect, but I am proud of it, I am grateful to it for giving me such a wonderful place to live and raise my children. I am grateful for all the ways the founding fathers made this country unique, and for all the freedoms I enjoy. And for that reason, I have no problems doing my little part to assist in the healing process, as we get more educated I am sure the truth about Sikhs will eventually be known, that we are peace loving, freedom fighters, our history proves that beyond doubt.

But for now in this environment I am willing to take whatever is needed for my country to heal and move forward from this, my fellow brothers and sister Americans can say or do whatever I have no complaints and only love for them and this country. That will never change, as l honestly do not fit anywhere else except here. This IS my home, so I don’t mind going their when people tell me to do so ;-). God Bless America.

Recognizing one in all

2011-04-27T07:12:00.002-05:00

The foundation of true humanity is understanding that we are all the same. The truth is however, as man was ignorant he used ignorance to divide, and as history shows when humans became educated, they used their education and power to divide.

Constantly we are divided, on every level possible, social, economic, religious, race, gender all divisions clear cut as though they are our definition of society. Society is made of ‘diversity’ so we say, that there are various ‘groups’ meshed into population which we then say is a community. When there is peace we use this as our strength and when there is something to complain about, it is very easy to create an us vs. them. We use our diversity as our tool, and use it in the way which suits us the best for that particular time.

Its all non-sense, humanity is one. Every person is striving for the exact same thing, every human has the same priorities and feelings. Every human is no different than there counterpart, it just takes a bigger heart to accept such a truth. We are so used to being a part of something small, that we refuse to be a part of something so large!

Whenever I feel an us vs. them mentality perverting my thinking I remind my self of Bhai Kanhaiya, many of you know the story but for those who don’t, Sikhism was founded during a very turbulent time in India. Religious persecution an on going issue that the population was dealing with. It was the last resort to pick up arms and fight for righteous cause. During most of the battles Sikhs were outnumbered by the Mughals, that was obvious because the rulers had proper armies. Bhai Kanhaiya was often seen during these battles carrying a pouch full of water, from which he quenched the thirst of wounded soldiers in battle. He did so without discrimination between Sikh Soldiers and Muslims soldiers of the Mughal army. This annoyed many outnumbered Sikhs , the Mughal army had surrounded the city and stopped all food supplies and here was Bhai Kanhaiya sharing with them what little water they had, they complained to Guru Gobind Singh. The Sikhs were hoping that he would be punished as they were already outnumbered and some of the injured soldiers he would provide water too, would return to the battle field refreshed.

Guru Gobind Singh summoned Bhai Kanhaiya and questioned his actions he replied, that he cannot different between human beings, that he sees the same light in every person he is serving water to. During this turbulent time, where they were on the brink of losing instead of punishment, Guru Gobind Singh provided him with first aid material, and told him that as you give them water, tend to their wounds as well. He commended him on understanding the true essence of the Sikh teachings, to see Gods grace in everyone, even your enemies. Sometimes I think about that in today’s text and terms, do we treat our enemies humanely? Heck we barely treat each other humanely!

Even in our own families we have strife and hatred towards one another. We have totally stopped feeling, and in that feeling we have stopped seeing that the person right next to us, is just like is, they are a reflection of the same feelings and insecurities that we have. Forget assisting we are even frugal with sharing a smile, or a hello!

Helping a random person is not helping them, it is helping you, it is helping bridge humanity, and restoring that feeling that we are all in this together. When you extend a helping hand, it is you who is grabbing that hand, when you become indiscriminate of others you learn a new acceptance in yourself, as you can only grow internally if you experience growth externally. If you cannot accept others, tolerate others it only speaks your personal truth, that within you have not accepted yourself, if you hate yourself, it is very easy to hate others, you can quickly extract that same feeling, on the contrary when you accept your faults and weaknesses it becomes second nature to forgive others weaknesses.

Its your responsibility to assist someone in need, not because you are greater or have more power or are in the position to assist, but because spirituality is seeing the same energy all around you, in every situation in every being, even ones who are unfair or have attacked or robbed you, inside them is the same source, that is compassion and the very first sign of awakening.

Weaknesses are cracks in our Ego's wall

2011-04-22T06:55:00.004-05:00

Please take a moment to read the new DISCLAIMER at the bottom of the page. If you read this blog you do so out of the understanding that it is a personal opinion, not reflection or claims to knowledge about any particular topic, religion or hell anything! :-).

Ok with that said the topic:

Ever since we can remember we are often programmed not to accept our weaknesses. Whether it’s confronting them, or not admitting to them. As we grow, we write resumes, our strengths listed on a piece of paper. Before talking about weakness, I want to talk about what strength is. We are driven by our ego, our definition of who we are, what we represent, so much to the fact that what others see is not our ‘true’ self but our ego’s projection of our being.

It tells us how to be, how to dress, what to drive, it inspires us to try harder to get the things that can prove what we are, and we constantly chase these definitions of ourselves. The Ego loves our strengths, it relishes in them, because it reinforces what we think of ourselves. I’ve heard many claims that humility is when you admit that all your strengths are from ‘God’ and your weaknesses are your own. Is that true? Or is it our ego’s way of saving itself? Ego is one clever thing, it crops up in every aspect of our life/being. It is constantly hiding and using delusion, to keep its prevalence. The strengths which define us, is what we want people to use when they describe us or think of us. When we hear something about ourselves, or when we have inner dialogue about something within we use our strengths, our ‘good’ as our tools which are reinforced through our actions. A person who wants to be known as smart will then act smart, even in situations they are totally confused in.

So now on to the tough part, our weaknesses. Just my personal experience that weaknesses are the cracks in our ego, where when we explore we find much more. Our ego tries to hide these weaknesses either by saying they are not there (denial) or by failure to accept them. Behind every strength is you, is your desire to maintain that projection of your ego, but behind every weakness there is something else. There is that desire that you are more than just this, that weakness actually grounds you, it actually defines you, and when you go deeper into weakness, you start to see how there is more energy in your weakness than your strength. If God is defined as energy, then he is more in your weaknesses than your strengths, recognizing weakness is when you can start chip at the wall your ego has built to recognize yourself.

Self reflection is nothing more than chipping away at your ego, but if we try to do that with ego’s tools, our strength, it’s nothing more than using rubber hammer to chip at a concrete wall. When our weakness is used then it cracks the ego, we do not let it run, or hide, we confront our weakness and we chip away at that wall.

Gurbani (Sikh Scriptures) tell us that God is not to be found externally, but internally. From within we must recognize that we are part of that energy, and in-between this energy and us, is our ego, or self projection, it assists us in our daily functions, even drives success in this ‘worldly’ functions. On the other hand ego is the largest hindrance in recognizing your true self, within.

The spiritual path you have overturn every rock in yourself, self discovery is really frightening because we lived this ‘act’ for so long, that we are afraid to let it go. What will I find as I start to really open every weakness, it’s frightening, and our mentality tells us we are our ‘Resume’, a list of accomplishments, strengths, and positive attributes. In reality we are a combination of both strengths and weaknesses, there is no difference between either, since our weaknesses drive our strengths, and our strengths are overcoming weakness, so we HAVE to acknowledge weaknesses in ourselves, it’s the only way to have any real progress. Denial is just an excuse not to dig deeper.

We somehow find the energy to do things which are our strengths; usually they have a very tangible basis. For worldly success we are willing to stay up late nights, to impress the boss, but to self reflect we have the most difficult time to rise at ‘amrit vela’. It obviously is a weakness …I cant,… its to hard….I feel sleepy, we give our excuse, but the truth is, we inside are not willing to reprogram ourselves.

We want to avoid anything that may make us acknowledge there are some cracks in our armor, but in those cracks, behind that wall there is something great, something greater than what we can imagine waiting. If we take the first chip, we begin to see that light, the break in darkness. We are nothing, this is nothing, our accomplishments and resumes will be left and forgotten. There is something deeper, more constant and everlasting. I dare myself constantly to find it, hell I write about it and look like a mad person, but it’s that important, here my reputation, my worth, my accomplishments mean nothing. If I have not found and broken this wall of ego in myself, if I haven’t recognized the truth within myself, and if I can’t realize my full worth this whole time has been a wasteful ‘act’.

The fact the more I know the more I know nothing, the more I am the less I am and in the solution of that riddle is the truth.

Updated Spotlight Profile of Gurpreet Singh: Comming Full Circle

2011-04-21T07:17:00.001-05:00

One of the things I used to do in my blog was ‘spotlight profiles’, it was my way to document people who had helped me understand another perspective and grow internally. One that is really close to my heart is a profile I did of my brother in law 5 years ago, Gurpreet Singh.

His journey highlights, one of the most important aspects of change, how to be yourself, and a grace which is hard to describe.

Few years have gone by, and I have had even more opportunities to get to know Gurpreet. I have still yet to have any reason to look at this post and think any differently. He has since become a father of two kids, a successful entrepreneur, and always slated ‘most likely to succeed’ in our family discussions!

We go through life fast, and those around us we end up taking for granted. I still remember the feelings when I read this blog, and so many years later I look at this and think wow, that helped me so much, it made me think of things I never thought of, and took me out of my ‘box’. Here is my way of saying ‘thanks’ to a guy who definitely is as big, as his heart! (he’s the tallest and biggest guy in my family)

Here is the orginal post :

Photo : Vicky stylin' and profiln'!

My first encounter with Vicky aka Gurpreet was outside of my house on my driveway, it was 2 days after my marriage. Just a little clarification, Vicky is the husband of my younger sister and also the Brother in law of my Cousin brother Raj. So double relation, my first impression of him was he was tall and had a very strong handshake.

As time went on I noticed him at my cousins get togethers (since he was a part of their in-laws) one thing always stuck out that he was the only turbaned guy on their side of the family. Besides hello and hi at family functions I rarely took any time to talk to him and vice versa, he was a very pleasant family oriented guy and always left a good impression on those he knew and didn’t know!

Once we all went to the amusement park together, all extended family and Vicky was also their with Raj and Keenu (Keenu is Raj’s wife). The only thing I shamefully remember is when I saw Vicky in a baseball cap, I called him ‘Topee Vala’, not sure if he remembers this but I do!! It was pretty mean thing to say but sometimes arrogance clouds your judgment, and you judge people on their looks and limited actions.

A few years later, at Gurudwara I saw a guy who looked like Vicky in the langer hall. I thought maybe he had another brother because this guy didn’t have a turban or a beard. I looked more carefully but still couldn’t see that it was him. It wasn’t until one of my cousins told me that that’s Keenu’s brother he cut his hair. At that second my heart sank, all of a sudden I remembered all the times and opportunities I had to talk to him, maybe get to know him or see how he felt about Sikhi, I had past those up, and today he was here in the langar hall with no turban and no beard.

Photo : After he cut his kesh

It's always a sad feeling I get when I see someone let go of their saroop, even if I don’t know them I sometimes feel I lost a close brother. It’s a difficult thing to swallow even though I am open minded and understand everyone has their own path, but when it happens there are some emotions which are triggered. I believe this to be the inherent connection that all Sikhs have with Guru Gobind Singh, this bond is stronger than we know and through that bond we are all connected.

Afterwards I still kept seeing Vicky in family functions and get togethers yet I always imagined him with a turban, I couldn’t take that image out of my head. It was tough at times to see him but after a few times I started handling it better inside myself and came to terms with it.
I am going to skip the part of this story where Pinki and Vicky fell in love, because that is not for me to tell, and on top of it I probably just know very little!

After Pinki and Vicky were close, he started talking to me online. It was there that I felt his strength, his love for Sikhism, it was evident even in our conversations. He shared some deep feelings he had for Sikhi, and eventually I mustered enough courage to ask him why he cut his hair. It was a tough question but after seeing how much love he had for Sikhism it was one that I selfishly asked. To this his reply was on the term of “moment of weakness” or something like that, it was a few years ago so I cant remember the exact quote.

I went to his house a few times, and there I got to know Vicky, and I saw such a beautiful person. He is a huge giant and he has a HUGE heart, and it was at that point that I had accepted him as a better Sikh then I was. He had a passion for Sikhi, for Seva and more over the way he talked he just motivated me to seek more of his sangat. We spent a few weekends together, going to Gurudwaras together, then after wards just going to his apartment for chips and salsa, while we talked. I really hold those days close to heart and as moments in which I gained so much understanding and appreciation for his genuine love towards Sikhi, that inspired me!

I remember one of those weekends we were sitting on the floor at his apartment when he told me that he has decided to keep his kesh again. I don’t have the words to explain the feelings I had at that moment, so I wont even try to express them here!

Photo : Transformation first stage.
Photo : Transformation 2
Photo : Transformation 3

For someone to come full circle it means that they have seen all the sides. I believe that Vicky came full circle with his saroop, from having it and not appreciating it, to losing it, and then coming back even as a stronger Sikh. It is really special to see when a person is transforming into Sikhi saroop; you can actually see the Guru’s light coming through them. As their hair grows, and you see that part of their Sikhi blossom you can only feel blessed to be in their presence. The first day he tied a turban again we went to his house, and took pictures before heading to Gurudwara.

Photo: Comming full Circle, first day wearing Daastar right before Gurudwara

When I look closely at what Vicky has shown, besides courage, besides the humbleness to change and besides the great and deep Sikhi which was inside him, he showed me that Sikhism is not just a state of being, it is an experience. That living even through the tough times when you're down you can actually come back stronger, better, and more dedicated.

BOLE SO NIHAL!!!
SAT SRI AKAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Photo : I like this one because he looks content, or tired ! lol!

Same-Sex Anand Karaj (Sikh Marriage)

2011-04-20T06:46:00.004-05:00

Has anyone ever been wrong? At least from their perspective, I highly doubt if anyone is willingly able to admit that. Our perception is a projection of what our ego wants, when we claim we are right or we know we put out the projection or challenge for someone to prove us wrong, if our case is strong we are able to reinforce our stand, we may even feel superior to the individual who was not able to justify his point of view in a convincing manner.

The older I get the more I see that nothing is really, black and white. The world is actually different shades of gray, but understanding different shades takes too much effort, so we like to put everything in a neat box. Our laziness drives our desire to not try to divulge deeper into things, take stands and be steadfast. Take for example the perception that eating meat is right or wrong, there is validity in both points of view, I don’t even think there is a 100% right answer, the right answer depends on what shade of gray you stand on.

After my last post few people congratulated me, it was almost like I joined there side of the club. The funny thing is I am totally not against meat, in fact my kids eat it, I don’t think that it is an issue I would force either way with anyone. Just a personal choice, I honestly can say I respect both perceptions with equal value.

Back to perception and the way we view things, its shaped a lot by our surroundings, our family and choice in friends. You rarely see two unlike minded people sitting together, if they have a choice they will find the people with similar views because it’s just easier that way. From my experience though the people who enrich your life are seldom the ones you agree with! When you get to see something from all sides, it almost makes you realize that even your stand is not perfect. When we start to accept imperfection we start to see the beauty in the details. The world of nature is not perfect, every tree does not go straight, every tree is unique, in nature its allowed, to have a different point of view is celebrated. In our world however shades are not celebrated, there are sayings we sort of want everyone to solidify there stand on things. We force our leaders to choose sides, at times we even force our friends. You are either with me or against me, stop sitting on the fence, are just some of the things we are constantly told.

Anytime someone tries to stray from the common accepted view they are automatically judged by others. America is known as a ‘melting pot’ and it certainly has been living up to its name. Depending on where you are, and your circle of friends you cannot stray from the norm. A Democrat cant be pro life, a Republican cant be pro choice. You either melt in or else face the consequences!

Seriously what a bunch of nonsense! When we look at the beauty of nature, the only reason we find it beautiful is its uniqueness, that every sunset, sunrise, beach, tree, mountain has its unique beauty. Why can’t we look at each other which such passion? Why can’t even those views we cannot tolerate be part of nature, be part of our experience? Have we become that selfish?

I have a variety of views, to which many may agree or not. Just to mention one I am pro same – sex marriage. So much so that I almost feel that Sikhism as one of the most young and progressive religions should set an example and have the first same sex anand karaj sanctioned by the Akal Takhat (aka Vatican of the Sikhs)*. It would be the first organized religion that would provide equal treatment to all.

The founders of this religion always took a stand against the ‘norm’ against oppression and bigotry in every form. They were proactive thinkers, not thinking in the box of what is accepted, but what is right. Human dignity was defended even when they did not agree with the person they were defending! What a unique concept that we have not been able to fully communicate with the world. Our founders were probably the only ones who laid down their lives for other faiths, they lived by example teaching us that injustice is the enemy, not the view, but the oppression of any view.

Yet today we fall into the same traps, being close minded not just to the world, but to each other. Rarely do we accept any viewpoint which is beyond our understanding. Rarely are we willing to respect even the opposite stand, and more rarely are we able to truly be open to change ourselves. The more closed off we get, the more dug in our stand, the greater we lose ourselves. You were not built to take stands, you were built to experience, and reflect on that experience, to learn, and grow.

The more differences that are noticed, you start to finding a very prevalent common ground. When discussing subjects with people of different cultures and faiths, sure there are vast differences in many things but there is also that very evident common ground, that gray area, where we can share a smile, and say hey we are not so different after all. Every tree has leaves, bark, branches, the same basic elements, even if they do not look alike, or grow the same way. When we start appreciating the gray life seems fine just as it is, people around us seem fine just as they are, we are not here to change anyone, we are here to do a bigger job, and that is to find ourselves.

* If you disagree or are offended, then feel free to comment your point of view!

Eat your Greens!

2011-04-19T13:52:00.002-05:00

So couple of weeks ago, I had thought about executing a plan which I have failed at previously. That was to convert into a Vegetarian. The funny thing was the day that I was deciding about sort of pulling the trigger for sure or not one of my old college friends emailed me about my blog. He sent me the link to his blog and told me to check it out http://deep-transformation.blogspot.com. It was about his attempt, still not sure if it was for real or for humor, to become vegetarian.

Most of my life I have eaten meat without giving it much thought, and though I am not against or for it for a religious reason, I have always had my doubts about it. For me compassion starts from the very core of a being, since meat is now mainstream it is easy to buy it nicely packed cleaned without ever seeing an animal go through any sort of pain or suffering. If I had to kill the animal myself I would have been vegetarian from the beginning!

For those people who would love to argue with me on this subject, trust me I have reasons for both. I can/have argued both points fairly effectively (at least from my perspective :-)) and strongly believe it comes down to individual choice. If you feel you should eat it nothing wrong, enjoy it I understand! If you choose not to eat it then more power to you, I’ve always respected those who do not eat it based on their discipline alone, as living in a society where meat is so prevalent it takes persistence to avoid it.

In my previous attempt about 6 years ago I lasted 3 months, but much has changed since then. When my wife questioned how long I think I would last, my answer was A LOT longer, nothing is certain and since I am posting this I am opening myself up to failure and criticism from most of my friends and relatives which is ok. Justifying it to anyone else is not my priority. Last time I did not have the patience/tolerance I do now, after having kids I know that has increased. Also when I quit last time I had a strong desire and taste for meat, I used to eat out a lot more often and since then my life has changed drastically. My wife has changed profession to a home maker for the last 6 or so months, and let me tell you, getting good food at home is always a plus.

So here goes another attempt, last time I remember doing a whole ritual where I ate my last non-veg meal, but this time it was less dramatic, just sort of decided and here I go!

Wish me luck! To the haters relax, I got nothing against people who eat meat, it’s a personal choice I’m trying to execute, but if you still feel a need to comment or argue, BRING IT !

Vasakhi Inspiration (Personal)

2011-04-14T10:24:00.008-05:00

A memory which I still have very vividly in my mind, the first time I was truly scared. It was the day before the last day of school, I was in 3rd grade and just like with great movies, the memory starts with an action sequence.

Im running, my heart is pounding as I climb the steps, I hear them getting closer seems like they are jumping two steps as I climb one, I am starting to sweat as it was a very hot day outside before these guys started chasing me. They were the ones who tormented me all year, the reason I didn’t have any friends, and had to play alone on the monkey bars during recess, I had gotten used to their daily jokes about my top knot (jurah), the amusement they got from insulting me was again something that after a few days I began to live with. But today it had escalated, I had done something to provoke them which led to this, it was the end of recess as I was walking towards the school they called for me. “HEY APPLE HEAD” I didn’t turn around, as usual I ignored them and kept walking. “I SAID STOP” I turned around and they were walking faster toward me. For some reason my instincts told me to run, I started to run toward the school, I looked back and they had also started to run after me, they were yelling for me to stop or else, but my feet kept running, I entered the school and for some reason just started running up the stairs, it seemed like a good idea but I was not fast on the stairs. Sweat was pouring down my face as I was climbing the stairs as fast I could, I still remember the stairs had metal edge with a greenish laminate for the rest of it. I kept hoping they would stop chasing me, or somehow I would out run them, but form their footsteps I knew they were close. As I reached the top of the stairs I felt a hand on my shoulder pushing me towards the wall. My hands automatically went to block my fall forward as I was pushed against the wall. It was to late, my heart rate must have been really high because I could almost hear it in my ears. They towered over me, they must have been twice my size, or that’s what was in my memory, they were in 6th grade so were much bigger.

They continued with their normal insults and pushing me around, I didn’t respond, so I wouldn’t provoke them. They called me a girl because I had long hair, and I wore a bracelet (for me that was the hardest insult, who wants to be called a GIRL ewww), even at that age I tried to tell them this is religious though I had no further explanations nor do I think they would have worked. I prayed for it to end it seemed like forever as they taunted me in that corner, then they said something which I still remember, “Tomorrow is the last day of school, I’m going to cut your hair” one of them said, all of the others laughed. This seems small but to a 8 year old it was the scariest thing I heard, I could barely mutter anything and managed to say “no, you can’t”, and to that they replied “ OH yah, it’s the last day of school, what are they going to do suspend us?” they all continued to laugh, I didn’t know what to say, the threat was serious to me, I was afraid, and against the wall they kept laughing and saying stuff as they walked away, then they made a scissor sign with their hands (pointing finger and middle finger) and said “snip, snip”. After that I don’t remember any of that day just the last thing in my mind is the finger scissors and the words “snip snip”. I went home and there I sat quietly, I did not want to tell anyone, a parent or sibling of my embarrassment, they wouldn’t understand. I kept thinking why do I have this burden, this thing on my head, to be honest I remember cursing it, it had caused me nothing but pain, no friends, only abuse. It had been the biggest hurdle for me to fit in, to be ‘normal’. At that point I devised a plan, next morning when my mom woke me up I acted sick, like I had a stomach ache, since it was the last day of school she didn’t really give me much resistance. I was allowed to stay home. More importantly I had saved my life. (another exaggeration but that was the feeling at that point in time!)

Most of my school life was some version of this, as I got older, I was able to explain it a little better, even made a couple of friends here and there, but for the most part, the insults and picking on different individuals is part of childhood. My friends were either overweight or others who were not considered normal or fit into the mold of what looked ‘cool’. At the time I knew I was Sikh, but did not know. This is the way it was, the way it was going to be, and that was my role.

By middle school I was hardened, it was tougher kids were more brutal than ever, but thanks to years of tolerance I had gotten very good at ignoring. I had also thankfully been studying Sikh history and the first seeds of understanding were growing. I laughed off the teasing, as I thought of Sikh history, as I walked the halls and heard insults going from class to class, I remember even telling myself, smile and laugh, nobody can laugh at you, if you laugh at yourself. It was a great coping mechanism, one that got me through all of my schooling with not one physical altercation. There were times I was angry, I was provoked, but I would always remind myself in those situations that ignorant people should be sympathized with, not fought. Many times I opened my patka (small turban) when asked what’s in there, just as a show and tell, and say its only hair! Of course that didn’t solve all the problems nor did it convince kids who see anything different as funny or odd.

My secret weapon was always at home, home base was where my parents, and grandparents told me stories about Sikhism about its greatness and teachings. I was almost ready for anything in those days, going to school was like entering a war zone to me, war zone where my Sikhi and patience would be tested. It’s almost funny but when you are young things ARE very dramatic.

Fast forward to 2001, a couple of days after 9/11. I am standing at my train stop waiting for the train, its situated near the road, as I look around people avoid eye contact with me. I know why, images of Bin Laden, and the towers, fresh in their minds. I could almost sense the hate, the you don’t belong here from their body language. I think to myself, I’ve been here before, I have felt this before almost had to stop myself from smiling. Just within a few seconds of this thought a white van stops at the road, I hear someone say “YOU OSAMA” I look back at a two very angry men staring at me, their anger so intense that the one in the passenger seat throws his drink at me, it lands about 2 feet from my foot, still has the drink in it “ GO HOME, WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE” “ GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM”.

As they drove off it was obvious a very awkward moment was created for the people at the train station, nobody said a word. The strangest thing was I felt no fear at that moment, I felt a very weird thought. In my mind I was thinking Guru Gobind Singh, that today, even 300 years later your saroop (identity) is doing its job. Those two men, spewed their anger at me, and that may have saved another person, an innocent Muslim who had nothing to do with this, that anger. The saroop and image still stood out enough to absorb unjust hate, ignorance and still was very relevant.

Some consider these gifts of Guru Gobind Singh a burden; some may even consider them a pain. But I have experienced their value. These gifts kesh, kara, kirpan, kanga, and kachera have made me who I am, they have done exactly what Guru Gobind Singh wanted. It completed a formula – if you wear these, and follow the tenants of Sikhism, it is automatic. Your life will automatically be filled with experiences that ‘normal’ people do not have. Your life will automatically be shaped in a way that will make you stronger, wiser and humbled. No way you can avoid it the formula is that great! When I was younger I did not understand, the exact thing that I felt held me back was the one propelling me forward. I got to see the best and worst in people, with just the way they treated me. I am such a slow learner it took me years and years to just appreciate the beauty of it!

Today, I was thinking how I should wish everyone I know a Happy Vasakhi, but instead, I did what I never did. I thanked Guru Gobind Singh for these gifts which have given me so much! Vaho Vaho Gobind Singh! Thank you for not making me ‘normal’!

So its Vasakhi.....

2011-04-13T07:41:00.000-05:00

First of all if you are reading this blog, welcome to the wacky world of a person confused full of things to say about pretty much nothing (yes that is an art in itself). Here I come on and dump thoughts, annoyances, and yes sometimes gossip. Ok back to the topic, to everyone a Happy Vasakhi, or Vasakhi de lakh lakh vadayee, if your Punjabi. Vasakhi or Basakhi as some call is one of the most celebrated events for Sikhs. It was a time in Sikh history that the external form and discipline was handed down along with the final shape of what it means to follow the path. Guru Gobind Singh (the tenth Guru of the Sikhs) initiated baptism for his followers, a commitment ceremony so to speak.

A more important question is, what does it mean today? In 2011 when information is available at your fingertips, even at your voice for those who have Google app for iPhone (those using blackberry this will sound foreign to you). What does Vasakhi mean to a Sikh today, or to a person who calls themselves a Sikh? Of course, I don’t know the answer to this question; can only answer it for myself!

I think it’s important before deciding what Vasakhi means, since commitment is a big part of its meaning, we have to first define what commitment means to people in 2011. Commitment makes me think of marriage since that sort of the most tangible form of it. So first thing to me commitment = constant effort. Being married almost 11 years I can pretty much vouch for most married couples, it’s an evolving thing which of course has the foundation of love, but as time goes on it shifts and changes to much more than just the attraction or initial love you started off with. Commitment itself is like a journey, where you set out with certain understanding, but as you gain experience, and go through challenges it redefines itself, its meaning and its impact on your life. To some degree commitment is giving up yourself, to something greater. Something that is more than the individual him/herself when they commit to each other there is a combined entity of the ‘couple’. They each retain some portions of their own, but there is also part of them that they give up for each other towards each other.

Whenever you commit to something whether its religion, marriage, business, you have to be willing to sacrifice some of yourself, it’s part of the process. If one goes into commitment thinking, there will be absolutely no change, no sacrifice, no meaning to it, then most likely that commitment will fail. The test of commitment only comes when there is a challenge; there is no other way to test it. The deeper the commitment the more of yourself you have to give up for it.

I’ve always defined myself as a Sikh first. As life progressed I became a husband, father, uncle, etc. but every morning I wakeup at that moment as I walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror, I see a Sikh, a person who is trying to walk the path. Its been/is a unique journey, but one very close to my heart, it has defined me since my first memories, and continues to do so every day. Vasakhi is a time for me to get a report card, one more year has gone by, what did I do to better myself, better my family, better my community or better society. It’s a time for me to reflect on my commitment to be a better human using Sikhism as my tool. Come to think of it every day there is time allotted to this thought, how am I doing, what am I doing, am I progressing towards my goal? The days I am blessed to have time to reflect on this in the morning the day is started off correctly, it’s with those thoughts that I can base my actions.

So many people are driven by so many different things, we’ll do whatever it takes to get there, put ourselves in overdrive, or work non stop, but when it comes to spirituality and religion we take mini-steps.

Nobody wants to change, or accept where there weaknesses are and that is the basis of true spirituality, it’s when you start being honest to yourself about your weaknesses, begin the inner battle for change. It’s why we are afraid to commit to it, to religion (whatever it may be). Commitment will require us to change; it will require us to give up some of ourselves. That is the first step, to know that change has to take place. If we feel we have the answers, if we are able to justify to ourselves our own path, then what use is religion? It’s like saying I already know what they will teach at school, but then you go to school anyway, sit in the class and not pay attention because you feel you already know. It becomes a waste of time, waste of effort and frankly a waste of life.

I’m only an infant in this journey, because when I was younger as most people, I was ignorant, I felt I knew the answers. Most of my answers were based on what other people said or things I read, I thought I was passionate, but I was just protecting my ego from being wrong. No longer can I claim I know anything, that’s saying it very honestly. Whenever I reflect, it’s evident that the path is so long, there is so much change required, but there is progress. Even if I don’t succeed every time, I make the effort to change, I am not afraid to admit I am wrong, that is part of this. More and more life has taught me that nothing is what it seems, and to pick up small life moments as teachings, to learn from experience and to continue forward regardless how hard it seems.

To have something original to say you have to experience, and when you experience you automatically change. If an experience does not change you then it was just another happening you predicted. The big hang up people have about making a step forward in religion, (if that’s as simple as wearing your 5 K’s, waking up at amrit vela, or taking amrit) is that we know that a shift or change is required. We have to own up to it, at some point or another, because unlike our money bank accounts, it is not so easy to check the balance of our spiritual account.

That account we put at the least of our worries, because in life we have so many responsibilities. Family, Friends, work and other things that are going on take the front seat, and the main goal/purpose to be here on earth, takes the back seat or the even the trunk. For work we will change on a dime, if the boss says come in at 6am instead of 8am, it’s done, no questions, maybe a little bit of frustration but the effort we put in to get up 2 hours earlier can be made, will be made, because it’s not that we care what the boss said, our aim and vision on our paycheck the end result of having that job. So then it doesn’t seem too bad, the aim to have a sustained cash flow, vs. coming in a few hours earlier, done.

The destination must be clear when we step into the spiritual realm, the aim should be on the target. All other motions are irrelevant; in fact they are unsubstantial if we don’t have our destination set. Its like getting in your car and beginning to drive without deciding where you are going. Once you have a destination, you take the first step to walk the path. This path will have red lights, green lights, you’ll get a flat tire here or there, but you will make it to your destination IF you keep it in site.

Vasakhi is a time for me to remember my destination, to reprogram my spiritual GPS for that destination and be ready for whatever steps/changes I have to make to obtain it.

What to Expect when Expecting : Expect the Unexpected!

2011-04-12T07:26:00.007-05:00

As with any parent eventually I will talk about my kids. Sooner or later its bound to happen, two of my younger cousins are expecting babies later on this year. Whenever I hear someone tell me they are expecting, I remember my first experience, the stress, the work the unexpected gratitude I had for my own parents after having to deal with an infant of my own! The first thought out of my mind is…..enjoy your sleep from now until the baby arrives! I can’t remember (speaking for my wife as well) when the last time I got a full night of sleep and woke up without a kid hitting/hugging/kicking me awake. It’s pure human nature to remember the rough times the stress and the headaches. If we think back most of our experiences that start off with a negative are the ones that have most profoundly impacted us, brought us the most joy, and enriched our lives.

You can remember a friend who you felt betrayed you, the initial thought will be negative, but upon deeper investigation you will start to remember the good things, the laughs, the sharing and times you had. The experiences that give you the most hurdles, take marriage for example, it’s not easy requires lot of work but when you step back and look at it, it’s such a beautiful thing to have two people who are committed to each other at that level where they share everything, it really makes you grow less selfish you learn to start putting others first, you learn that happiness is even more satisfying when you have someone to share it with. Same way with children at initial first thought it’s like ohhhhhhhh nooo!

But then you remember moments, you start to see how valuable your kids are, and how much they have taught you. It is truly one of the blessings of life experiences which I would never change or trade for anything. There are really no words that can describe how kids change you. From 5 years ago when I did not have kids to now, I feel I am a totally different person. My outlook on life, my own introspection my spirituality, my purpose, and most importantly my touching/remembering the forgotten innocence in myself. I try to be a parent most of the time, but I do find myself learning from Baltej and Himmat (my children 2/4), I find myself observing them and just trying to emulate how much inner joy they have. Sometimes when we are playing outside, I forget I’m 35 years old, for that that brief time I feel like Im a kid again, I’m running around trying to avoid being spotted as we play hide and seek. I feel a rush when I’m about to be caught, and I feel so happy when they find me and I see the sheer joy in their faces from playing such a simple game. Its at that second life feels perfect, that nothing is wrong, and I’m fully content.

Kids are teachers, they really are, and they have unbiased minds and unfiltered thoughts. Their questions are innocent and when you look at the world through their eyes it’s full of mystery and abundance. Then there are those times, when they show their affection they remind you of what unconditional love is, they don’t look at your personality or shortcomings, they love you the way you are, what a simple lesson that is one that the world really needs.

To them the world is perfect, its full of curious items which need not make sense but are perfect the way they are. There smiles are not fake, what they have in their heart is shown clearly on their face, there is very little duality at play. If I did not have kids I would not have had the privilege of seeing things like this after years of being ‘trained’ by society. All that dust of adulthood and responsibilities, expectations, and stress that added up was removed with just their joyful glance and laughter.

Seldom can we pinpoint things that define us, because we are so complex, but I can say for a fact that both of my kids teach me, they define me in new ways every day. They test my patience, but at the same time show me love that I have never experienced before. They drive me crazy, but keep me from going insane. They make me so tired, but provide me so much excitement sometimes I forget I was tired. They do crazy things, and sometimes, there are those simple moments which cannot be described, the feeling of their smile and touch, of their innocence, their perception, their reaction, they have been one of my profound teachers.

Every night as I put Baltej and Himmat to bed I tell them “Daddy loves you no matter what” little do they know it’s actually something they taught me, at least until they are old enough to read this.

What do I SEEK?

2011-04-11T09:15:00.004-05:00

There is a constant drive in us all, best way to describe it is unease. That feeling that no matter what life stage you are at there is something greater to be found. When I look at my life currently I could not be happier, make a decent living, have a very supportive and wonderful wife, great kids, wonderful parents and inlaws. A perfect hallmark picture so to speak. Our house is full of laughs and good times, great relatives with beautiful children all running around each with a personality that will make your heart melt. Even then there is a longing for something.

In the quiet moments of life you introspect and try to connect to something that brings you some peace. For me a lot of that has been simplicity, of course there was times when I was younger I went through phases of trying to show exterior prowess whether that be buying a sports car or trying to buy name brand clothes. But as I have gotten a little older I connected with another side of myself thanks to my children that was lost. A simple side and I am glad is back, for a few years I had forgotten how to feel happy just with small details in life. Each moment is a blessing, and with that blessing comes the opportunity to connect with something greater inside yourself, even if its for a split second you say thanks and feel humbled. The fact is we do very little (even if it seems we have done a lot) for our circumstances in life, a mere chance, that we live this privileged life. This is our opportunity, people say you only live once so live a full and happy life, but that takes work. Happiness really does take work if we align it with exterior things, we sit and tell ourselves, we will only be happy when, X scenario plays out, and it works we are happy when X happens because we programmed ourselves to be happy. Ive noticed that that happiness is also fake, because you already planned it, the moments in life where you don’t expect to be happy, or are surprised, are true instances of bliss, those do not even take planning, but they do take observation. You have to be aware of the moment in that moment, if you are constantly living in present then you find those jewels to bliss a lot easier.

I see my children growing, and see the shift from living in the present which they do effortlessly when they are babies, to now my older one who is almost 5 I can tell that he is putting a lot of his joy in things that he is going to ‘get’ or about to get. I see the change in where when he was younger and was not expecting something he had so much of an easier time getting excited and smiling. Of course he is still a child and ends of living in moments all the time but there is a shift in his understanding of what brings him joy. That shift only gets stronger in time and then gets ingrained in our mentality. We set goals, we make dreams we feel that those are ways to be productive and get to the ‘happy place’, failing to see now as the destination.

That is the real shift in thinking, the destination is now, the future is now, the past is now, that as we breathe, all the goals and ambitions and desires those are anchors we place on ourselves, yes they uplift us and those who have used them well have become very successful, but even success is not the goal of human life. The goal here is to be ‘free’ and that freedom only comes when you tell yourself, nothing is promised, nothing is guaranteed, but what I have at this moment, at this second, at this point in time is all I need. That I am provided all the necessary elements there is nothing to go for, nothing to regret, as all of it came together to get me here to make me realize that this is the reality and there is nothing additional required to put a smile not just on my face, but contentment in my heart.

The Science of Insensitivity

2011-04-08T08:03:00.001-05:00

The world is a ruthless place, at the same time it’s the most beautiful. Life is full of contradictions which seem opposite but are really much closer than our initial glance. You hate the ones you love the most, and the ones you hate you are very close to loving, that’s the fine line of opposite interplay. Obviously it is much more complicated than that as humans have many layers and perceptions which cloud judgments and actions. Yet throughout it, inside we are more identical to our enemies than even to our friends!

Some put self worth in material things, or popularity, or celebrity status, but still end up feeling empty. In their hearts there is still a constant longing for acceptance to prove this you just need to open a tabloid, some of the most obnoxious people are the ones who are the most rich or most popular. The void of self fulfillment is reached by some only if they look better than them, if they outwit them, outsmart them, or out talk them. Human nature is always automatically going towards laziness its part of inherent built in code, its easier to push someone down, rather to lift them up, easier to hate someone rather to love them, easier to classify somebody based on looks or group rather than to get to know them individually. So society continues down a downward path, and though society has a whole advances, compassion is constantly more difficult not only to find, but to exhibit.

Under banners of comedy it is ok to make fun of anything, no matter how insensitive it is easily written off as a joke. IF someone body is offended they are labeled as a person who cannot take comedy, or have no sense of humor. Every action has a purpose, every thought has a reason and every feeling is worth caring about.
Compassion constantly loses in real life, its obvious if you look around. The most powerful people usually either have the most money or the most insensitivity, the real heroes who live for others are mostly brushed under the rug, we only hear about them once in a while they keep a low profile, and for the most part in history have constantly been crushed, in their lifetime fighting for what they thought was the right thing. Most of these figures never see what they have fought for during their lifetime, a great man once said “ A rock has the power to break a piece of gold in many pieces, but that rock will not gain any worth from doing so, and the gold will not lose any value even if its broken” (Guru Gobind Singh in Zafarnama).

Compassion has power, there can be hundred evil people but only one compassionate person has the power of a candle in a dark room. What is required are the eyes to see that the real battle is not external, the real battle is internal where we constantly try to mold our character, our perception and our lazy human instincts to something more, something beyond what we are capable of comprehending. When we take the struggle outside no matter how successful, even being king we will have internal strife, at person with internal peace can be sitting in only a single piece of clothe on his back but be in bliss. The paradox and paradigm of this is so simple yet so difficult to obtain as external forces are constantly driving us, making us lost, and numbing us to the reality of within.

Guru Nanak said it best and simply “Man jeete jag jeet” if one is to conquer the mind, they have conquered the world. It not only shows the difficulty of doing so, but also shows that it was/is/ will always be internal. The real win and loss is not outside, is not with how many people we pushed and stepped on to get where we are, but if we in the end uplifted ourselves, if in the end we bettered ourselves. You can’t change anyone, if you can’t change yourself.

Inner Strength

2011-03-24T09:09:00.003-05:00

I am missing something, something very deep, very needed and very evident. My Sikhi has been based on Sikh history, understanding (or whatever I can understand of Gurbani), and cultural influences. As I sit in my heated house, stomach full, nice clothes on, with asa di var playing on my iphone, with full translations with wonderful parkash of Guru Granth Sahib in my house, I wonder…..

What if I didn’t have this history of Sikhi, what if I was put into extreme poverty only because I was a Sikh, where I had to see the faces of my hungry kids, live homeless, with nothing but a gutka, no translation no new clothes, just torn ones, no real understanding of a future where I may be able to comfortably provide for my family, and didn’t even know if I would make it through the day without being hunted by someone just because I was a Sikh. Would my Sikhi stand? Of course everyone hopes the answer to this question is yes, but in that physical state can we say for certain?

That is what I am missing that key ingredient, what am I willing to sacrifice for my Sikhi, that deep love that inner strength, that I can go without food, but I cannot go without Sikhi. I can go without all luxuries of life, but I cannot go without Guru’s Bani, I can go with seeing my kids starve or be killed, but not without my Sikh, and with that I am willing to sacrifice myself for the sake of another’s justice. Reading history is one thing, putting yourself in that position is very different.

‘Sir jave ta jave mera sikhi sidak na jave’ When we bow to the Guru we already give our heads, can I give my physical head?

Today we have all the tools, all the luxuries, all the time, we are not hiding for our life, yet….we still lost our amrit vela, we still lost our desire of taking amrit, we still lost our desire to be a Sikh? How after having everything can we lose such a jewel that ppl were willing to live without anything for? There is something that I am missing most definitely, and that is what I seek. I long for that deep love of God enough that I am willing to sacrifice anything for it.
Maybe it is to much Maya around us, which causes us to lose that? I don’t know, really don’t have the answers here but basically my quest is to have that inner desire and longing. When I listen to Gurbani its words resonate within but I want them to be there always. I want to feel like God is everywhere but sometimes I forget, I get worried, I drench in worldly things, I desire other than what truly my purpose of life is and unfortunately this happens far too many times. We want to look good for the wrong people, we want to impress the wrong person, we forget our valuable life lessons, we get older, we get wiser, we get more ‘smart’, we are able to argue out of anything. I cant wake up at Amritvela because, or Amritvela is not a time its just a reference, we have all the excuses, I cant take amrit because, taking amrit is not important, or I cant grow hair because, I cant do that because…

I cant, I wont, I don’t need to…..I don’t want to feel like that…I can, I must, and I NEED to….THIS IS IT….its now or never I need to focus. I NEVER SET A RELIGIOUS GOAL?!? All my life has been full of desires and wants, I brought them to the Guru’s door, I never brought my love how could I? I need to find that love that love that overflows with blessings where the desire to want anything but seeing God, and his Hukam as the ultimate destiny. Yet I feel cheated at every step, if wind blows in my face I want it to blow on my back, I have learned nothing, almost feel like my kids have more spirituality than me, they have the power of real laughter of innocent love. I have years of dirt to wash off myself, I have much work ahead but I need to take the steps, constant steps, not just wait but to find. I don’t question the greatness of Nanak or of Sikhi, or of Sikh history, that’s all obvious, I question my inner strength, I question my progress, and more importantly I question how often I miss opportunities.

Ive put my energies in things which have no meaning, in this dream world, they may get me something or fulfill some desire, but compared to that energy I never fell to Guru’s feet, I never desired God as much as I have desired Maya or worldly things. When you realize these things its quite depressing, that so many years and I am still at square one, maybe even negative because I have more ground to cover with less time to do so…..God grant me the grace that I can recite your naam, I miss you, my longing is more than ever…Bin tudh hor je mangana, sir dukhan de dukh, de naam santhokyea utre maan ke bhuk…..please help me feel that way every moment of the day!

Gods Hand

2011-02-03T08:50:00.001-05:00

Every morning I try to pray for something, it seems pretty redundant. This morning I was praying that I don’t have to pray anymore! LOL the internal dialogue one has within oneself is somewhat comedic downright hilarious if pondered about later.

We ask for the most trivial things depending on our stage of life, depending on our capacity we ask for peace, money, success, etc. the list is endless. Today standing for ardas I paused, I was like what prayer would end all prayers? Whats the one thing you can ask for that will fulfill everything that will never make you come back and stand and ask again? Obviously I don’t have the answer, and I’m sure everyone has a different answer for themselves, but for me at that moment I asked God to make me aware of his hand. Make me see his and in everything that happens good or bad, right or wrong, I want to know it is him at work (we say its him but we do not always believe it). If I could see God taking care of things I think there would be nothing left to ask because its all going to happen under his will. This is the toughest thing to do, accept.

As humans we tend to accept only what makes sense, you work hard, and this should be the result. We believe in formulas, we map our our goals as road maps, this is the way to success. This is the way to power, to wealth to whatever we desire we have ways to get there. Then in Japji Guru Nanak said

‘zor na magan den na zor’

In essence we have no ‘zor’ no strength of our own, there is only strength of the infinite. We think that its our strength we feel it is our doing but that is where the falsehood starts. Once we start to see Gods hand, then the truth starts, from that point on you start living in a state of gratitude. You can no longer ever have a bad day, can no longer ever worry because God is taking care of everything. Of course you are also moving under that same will, the impulse desires we have are hints. Usually when we are about to do something good, something great there is an initial thought…you see someone at a red light ask for money, your mind tells your hand to go for your wallet and in a nano second the debate starts. God hinted in an instant but then we let our mind take over, we think this person is not poor, there are no poor in America, this guy is part of some scam, no need to give him a dollar, and we drive off.

So many times people put off great thoughts for the next day. If someone offers us a million dollars we would not put it off for even a second, we would want it even before they offered it! But around us there is God, around us there is naam, we don’t have to set goals for it, it can just happen, it just happens as the universe there is nothing that takes effort. Yet we don’t recognize it, our desires to take amrit we put on a shelf, to do path, to do good deeds, to take daswandh out we put on the shelf for a day when…..(blank)…I’ll do this when, I’ll do that when…..and for bad things, for things which are easy which require no commitment , are superficial and give us a temporary high we are there right away. We are the first in line, we hear someone slander someone we are there, if not to provide input, then at least to get a feast of good feeling that we may be better than that person. Yet to help someone, to assist even a stranger, we will think of ways out, right even before we could help even before our body takes a step we stop, we analyze, we start to talk ourselves out of it.

My prayer today was to see Gods hand in all actions to see his work to acknowledge his Zor, not mine. I am sure when I am able to start looking at things like that, it will change me it will make me thankful for even this for this typing for this keyboard, for this moment of having this thought, for even contemplating this is all his zor, and that if I can continuously maintain this respect, I will start to realize the truth 

Vanity and Insanity!

2011-01-06T10:59:00.003-05:00

Recently I had a mini mid-life crisis. Though I have been very at ease with the gray hair on my beard, the ever increasing signs of losing the prime youth, and others reaction to it made me a little shaky.

I went to the local drug store and purchased the product to dye my beard. I still was not sure why or if I would take that step as though it is a minor issue, every action that one takes has consequences on the spiritual psyche. The box sat in my bathroom for 10 days, every day I would look at it, and look at my beard, I would imagine the feeling of having a fully black beard, how it would remind me of my younger self, maybe make me even feel younger or more confident. Then I would think about the other side, on the reasons to do it, what was the reasons for having a beard, for having an identity, for understanding hukam, for reading Japji and reading the line ‘Hukam rajayee chalna’ that to be true, to understand God you must first understand divine order.

Up till now I have been very accepting of physical appearance of Sikhi saroop, it is one of the best tools to keep one externally accountable for beliefs. It has served many a times in my life as a deterrent for walking down slippery slopes or wrong roads. All in all it is a part of me that I love and would never change, but this gray beard stuff, now that is something that had a different meaning. It meant that I would have to let go of something else, something that everyone cherishes that is celebrated through so many commercials and media…youth.

As I had this internal dialogue within myself on almost a daily basis I realized one thing. If I was to do it without guilt without hesitation then it may be fine, but the fact that it was a dilemma the fact that I was thinking about, reading what rehat maryada has to say, trying to think what the hukam is and what it means in this regard, showed that there was enough to refrain from action. As a very smart man told me , he said do it go for it, because from that guilt you will never do it again (aka Manmeet Singh) and that statement summed up everything, if there was going to be guilt later, then why even go through it?

The reasons I wanted to do it in the first place were very weak, it was mainly for vanity, for a perception that I am young, that I am not getting older which is in plain logic impossible. God makes us all unique, and we have to understand that the hukam of our physical appearance is also beautiful the changes that happen are beautiful, its such a thing that by nature our hair gets dyed, as we get older nature dyes it for us, and me dyeing it over and over would be the same as definition as insanity, doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. My hairs would never go back to what they were 5 years ago, that would just be an illusion to me and others, and Sikhism is about living in reality, living in the now and not the past.

For what it was worth, this is me now, the quicker I accept that the easier it will be to understand and move on to better things to think about and learn. Finally returned the packet of Just for Men at CVS, when the lady at the counter asked me the reason for return, I told her, “I don’t think I need it” to which she took a look at my very evident gray hairs and laughed. I also laughed about the fact that it took me 10 days and this little mini journey to get to a point of where I thought I initially was , but that is life, that is learning and that is part of growing, if wisdom comes with age, I definitely look a lot wiser than I really am!

Someone else at work...

2010-09-03T06:21:00.004-05:00

In life there are many interpretations, it all depends on your point of view or your mental given state at that time. Everyone sees things from their own perspective and inside nobody wants or agrees they are wrong, this is the human ‘baseline’ configuration. I am right, my view point is right, my opinion is right, my perception is correct, but when looked at more microscopically all view points are correct all opinions have validity. Its if and when we step back to look we realize that our point of view was for our selfish nature it was for our self preservation it was for our image preservation or whatever else we wanted to hold on to, that view was based on the fear of losing that.

Loss of fear is the first sign of an awakened soul. When someone can be insulted, when someone can start listening to their faults, when someone can start accepting that they are not perfect that is the first step of a long journey that only few great people walk on earth.

Last night I slept late, and I knew at that time that my streak of amrit vela was in danger. I set the alarm anyways fully in my mind ready to hit the snooze button when it went on. Why shouldn’t I? I have a long drive to NJ this evening, all the realistic mindset in which I slept I had convinced myself of my point of view. Normally I wake up to an alarm, or Himmat crying, but more so Himmat is kicking me or slapping me (because he moves so much). Today something new happened, somehow there was a third pillow on our bed (I am guessing Meenu put it there), and somehow I felt that hit my face softly at 3:30am. The feeling of something soft as a pillow hitting me during sleep was new, after having two boys I am used to a foot in my face as a normal part of my night. When I woke up from this I just looked at Himmat, somehow he had picked up the pillow in his sleep and dropped it on me, and all I could do was smile. Gurbani tells us that if we take one step towards our God, then he takes thousands of steps towards us. For some this can be a coincidence a completely logical happening, but for me at that moment I could only think…wow without the alarm, without a rude awakening something so gentle happened that broke my sleep and got me thinking about God, what could be greater than that?

I share this not because I feel its needed to be shared with the world, but this blog, but I’ve told most of my friends and family that this blog is just a moment of time of thoughts, that I write for my kids Himmat and Baltej. When they grow up I might have forgotten all of these things with the hustle and bustle of life, but when I write them they are captured time capsules of thoughts, of feelings and emotions of that particular time.

So back to my original point, got a little off track there. We see what we want to see, from our perspective. Every person has the desire to be liked to be accepted, and if we could our hunger is not limited at all. We would love to be accepted by the whole world as great (desire to be famous), and if not the world, then maybe our country of residence, at least they should think we are great. If not even that then our city, at least our whole city should think this person is great, and if we cant have that we say ok, fine at least my neighborhood everyone should think I am great, and if we cant even have that, then we say FINE, at the very least, my own family should think I am great, and if by a stroke of bad luck, our parents our kids our family they fail to acknowledge the greatness we have, then we become hateful, vengeful to the same people who didn’t acknowledge our greatness, who didn’t listen to us, who didn’t obey what we wanted. We end up at god complaining that I didn’t get what I deserved in life, I didn’t get what was coming to me. The glass was half empty in our opinion, maybe we don’t have the home we want, the exact life we want or the car we want, or the type of sons/daughters/parents/spouse whatever the list may contain. We start to think that Gods blessings are not around us, infact they are no where at all, we don’t see them we start to question Gods existence we doubt that there is even a God, since all we have was earned by us, we start to feel that we made this all happen. Then the simple question comes to mind who is making your heart beat? Who is making you breathe? Who is making you blink, without thinking your life is being sustained. Without you deserving it you existence is being sustained you have been eating 3/4/5 meals a day since you were born, without your choice you were put in a household where you had every physical need met, and when you start laying out the blessings one by one, from the sense of touch in your one finger, to the comforts of life which you thought you earned yourself you can see greatness at work and your list of complaints gets smaller compared to the blessings to the things you over looked, to the ‘luck’ you thought you had, but you see that someone else was putting you there at the right place at the right time, at the right moment someone else put you in the most important places of your existence, some elses hand was involved, even for something as simple as a pillow.

Ardas from the Heart

2010-09-01T06:53:00.001-05:00

It has been a couple of days that I have gotten my life back, life as in Amrit Vela back. Thanks to Himmat Singh today he wanted milk at 3.30am and it was a perfect excuse for me to get out of bed and begin the day RIGHT.

Amrit Vela Sach nao, Vadayee Vichar

The Great Guru Nanak placed so much significance on this time, there are multiple reasons for us to sort of brush this off, and say anytime contemplating God is worth it, and that is most likely true. But the fact and clarity in which Guru Nanak placed emphasis on this ‘Amritvela’ cannot be disputed.

Today during that time something drastic hit me, It’s not a mind shattering discovery but for me at that moment it made perfect sense, and as I stood up for Ardas automatically one thought came to my head, so far in my life, I had always asked for something, cars, jobs, money, respect, exam passing, success so many things I cannot count them, and today only one thought came to my head, somehow this Bani tuk stuck to me like glue at that moment and I could not get past it, my mind kept repeating:

Bin tudh hor je mangana, sir dukhan de dukh, de naam santokhyea, uttery maan ke bukh

And in my lowest of low spiritual state this was a request from my soul. I have so much blessings around myself yet still there is a bukh, a desire, still there are wants and wants that are like hunger which satisfy only for a certain time, and then they are back a new want is in the place of the old one, this cycle has continued. This line Bin thudh hor je mangana, sir dukhan de dukh, as I am not an expert translator I cannot say it means the same as I interrupted it, besides asking for Naam for appreciation of God, for being able to realize the true destiny of this human form, you only put more dukh on yourself. If thought about deeply every one of our desires which is fulfilled brings with it new stress, new responsibilities and inevitably some sadness or disappointment. Take the desire for a better job, it may bring better pay but it will surely bring more stress, and eventually it will also be as boring as your current job, humans are changing creatures we ‘grow’ out of things very quickly. If one has the aspiration of saving 1 million by the time they reach that goal a new goal has taken its place. The cycle never ends and that is what that line means to me, that if you have not asked for the right thing, the only true thing then you have been put back into the cycle of asking and asking again.

The whole drive to work this line kept resonating in me, even as I write this I am thinking how can I keep this feeling going of asking for Naam and not a new house or big raise, or a secure future for my kids. How can I keep that feeling I had during amritvela alive? I don’t know, but hopefully Himmat Singh requires milk at 3:30am again tomorrow so I can continue to find out!

Things Baltej has said that have made me think...

2010-03-02T14:45:00.002-05:00

These were in punjabi I have translated them to English.

8/9/09 - He asked me about God and is there a different God that lives at Gurdwara. And I answered no God is everywhere, then his followup question was...'then why do we come to gurdwara?'

9/8/09 - While watching the cartoon Sahibzadey while they were being bricked alive, he asked were the sahibzdey good people, we answered yes, then he asked why god didnt save them from being bricked alive then.

2/27/10 - First time he saw a Gora Sikh, he asked me 'daddy eh english sardarji kyon ne?'

Heroes in our midst

2009-01-08T11:01:00.001-05:00

Heroes in our midst

Many talk the talk, but only a few, walk the walk. Being a federal employee, having the job security most envy, would you put it all on the line for a principal of Sikhism?

Would you risk your livelihood, for your Sikh ideals?

Would you be willing to stand up against the US Government (your employer) and demand equal treatment fully knowing it would be an uphill battle?

Many of us would take the lighter road, the road that is easy to travel, because we do that often. Don’t want to be the only one keeping hair or not drinking we scumb to peer pressure, to be like everyone else and we hide our feelings, our inner voices fade over the noise of society.

One individual Kawaljeet Kaur, listened to that inner voice, she had the courage to stand up for Sikhism. In an age where many put it in second place, Kawaljeet was able to put Sikhism before society, and before her own livelihood. Only a person who has submitted full faith in a higher power is able to do that.

Personally it took me eight years to wear my kirpan into a government building, while working in DC the metal detectors never went off so I never had a problem, I did not report it to my supervisors, and felt I did not have the need to unless I was stopped from entering the building. Now I go back to think about it, if I was stopped, would I have the courage to put Sikhism before livelihood? I don’t know, but I admire the fact that someone has done it.

It always ends up being the burden of a select few, who sacrifice, and all others benefit. Today Kawaljeet Kaur has sacrificed, the whole Sikh community will benefit from her victory. Just as generations ago people sacrificed for us to be able to practice Sikhism, to be able to have our saroop, and today they are forgotten and we take it for granted so will this. Years from now as our children get government employment and they have a right to wear the kirpan the silent sacrifice of Kawaljeet will be taken for granted.

Honestly, these great souls don’t do this to be noticed, they have no personal agenda, and this is what makes them heroes. I had the honor of meeting Kawaljeet, and though I didn’t have an indepth discussion with her about Sikhi, about this case or about the police brutality ordeal her and her family went through, I did sense a calm strong, and humble person in my limited interaction. Reading her lawsuit it just reaffirms the fact and makes me really happy to know that even today there are those who will scrafice everything, for what others treat as nothing.

While there are thousands of Sikhs who give up their identities, to fit in, here is an example of one in America who is willing to stand out, and fight not for herself or personal gain, but for ideals laid down by Guru Gobind Singh.

I salute great Sikh souls such as this who set an example for others, and who make it clear that Sikhi spirit is very much alive. Bravo to today’s Sikh Heroes.

Sikhs and Christmas

2009-01-05T10:32:00.001-05:00

Sikhs and Christmas

Sometimes it baffles me that if something is enveloped the right way, you can sell it to almost anyone. Everyone knows the origins of Christmas, originally known as Christ’s Mass, it is to celebrate the birth of Christ.

As Sikhs we are not only supposed to be tolerant of others belief but also respectful to their practices, after all Guru Tegh Bahadur gave his life for a religion with very little in common with Sikhism, but the main purpose was for a tenant, to uphold religious dignity.

The confusing element here is, knowing our own traditions and practices we question everything. We question simple things, such as why do we keep hair, why do we need to take amrit etc. etc. getting answers from such questions from various sources but we end up making our own judgments based on our own actions on what is right (or what we choose to believe is right).

Yet when celebrating other non Sikh functions nobody asks any questions. Such as why do I need to buy a Christmas tree, what is the origins of it? What is the origins of Santa Claus? Since it is considered fun there is no scrutiny put on it, but this is where the questions need to be asked. There are arguments both ways, that this isn’t a religious festival, but a domestic one, with Americans celebrating as a country. Is that so? Taking the religious significance out of Christmas but keeping in Christmas tree’s (associated with Saint Boniface or symbolizing the holy trinity) keeping in it Santa Claus (origins from St. Nicholas) has anyone ever questioned this?

To Sikhism’s tenants we have nothing but questions, and challenges, if someone says it is against Sikhism to drink several questions are raised. Yet without questions without even thinking we let into our house our family our communities influences from other religions. Do we sit there and think about it even for a second? If so, our reasons to celebrate become very materialistic. Who doesn’t want presents, or to flaunt buying potential (because that what this ultimately is), but had Guru Nanak been in the USA he would have rejected this practice as he rejected the Hindu thread. A practice with noble religious historical significance turned into a commercial materialistic gain. Guru Nanak would ask for presents, but as he asked for in the Hindu thread he would say the following as stated in asa ki var : (replace thread with present)

Make mercy thy cotton, contentment thy thread, continence its knot, truth its twist.That would make a janeu for the soul; if thou have it, O Brahman, then put it on me.It will not break, or become soiled, or be burned, or lost.Blest the man, O Nanak, who goeth with such a thread on his neck.Thou purchasest a janeu for four damris, and seated in a square puttest it on;Thou whisperest instruction that the Brahman is the guru of the Hindus--Man dieth, the janeu falleth, and the soul departeth without it.
This sort of eye opening simplicity is what Sikhism is about. Simplify so you can justify actions, the more complex your reasoning for doing something, the more ritualistic it becomes and the more it loses its real meaning and luster.

Great is Guru Nanak, who blessed us with such an easy path to follow, who pointed to the more clearer course and changed the direction for India and I believe ultimately mankind.

Singh is Kinng?

2008-08-18T09:41:00.000-05:00

Why today Singh is Kinng and before Singh is clown? Bollywood industries now starting to cash in on the Singh is Kinng craze. To understand just 30 years ago these Singhs were butchered in India, in Punjab, cut like weeds out of the framework of india and today to cash in we see this type of publicity.

I have not seen the movie yet, but I am sure from its success it is a typical bollywood movie, with many one liners and a 20 minute story wrapped up in 1 hour of songs and melodrama.

Singh is King of what these days? No census can be done but by indications and rough numbers from punjab at least 75% of young Sikhs have given up there identity. To fit the confides of what the world and west accept. This is no King infact it is far from it, our heritage now sits in a book dusty in the corner of our homes, unopened, our history lies there. We bask in the warmth of greatness of past with very little contribution in our own lives, nobody wants to be uncomfortable, whether that’s because of a job, or because we are just afraid now to stick out.

It is a shame that the time this title was appropriate, Singhs were defending India from jungles, with no homes with no comforts they were fighting for righteousness sacrificing everything. And opposite today, well to do Sikhs sacrifice nothing, we cant even sacrifice our own egos, we want to look modern, to fit in , to figure out anyway to assimilate into societies which really don’t even hold a candle to the brightness of our history.

We follow our own brand of Sikhi, comfort Sikhi when things are not the way we like them its easily adjustable, easily we can move tenants, we can move gurbani being well educated to accommodate our own lifestyles. We really don’t know what Sikhi is, today all tenants of this faith are sitting on the street, and there was a time when someone was sawed in half, cut limb by limb for things we give up on a whim.

A heritage forgotten is a heritage lost. And this is the result; a fake Singh is Kinng with snoop doggy dog wearing dastaar. And we are happy that wow we get this exposure. What of those who gave their lives, sacrificed their children who were cut piece by piece and they had only one line in their hearts, a thankfulness of Sikhism. When have we thanked god for being brought up in a Sikh family, with this rich tradition, probably never.

What a joke this is, what a mockery it is of what a Singh really should be. A Singh is someone who is in control of their destiny, who will not shake their ideals, and will uphold to death not only their rights but the rights of others, even if it means they will be joked about for saving hindu women at 12 o clock, they did it. Think about these details and one will have no thoughts of the selflessness of these individuals who having no problems of their own took on other ppls problems, having no homes of their own, saved other’s homes.

These Singhs travelled at night, in the morning the only evidence being the hoof marks of their horses, it is said at that time women of the pinds which were protected by these unsung heros would come out and touch these tracks and pray that there sons be as brave as those who travelled the night.

There was no Batman or Superman, there were only those Khalsa’s who defended the honor of those who had no other hope. We are part of that legacy, what will the future generations say about us? That the heros of the past have turned to drinking to cut hair to doing whatever seemed right for their on enjoyment, forgetting what a rich and one of a kind history they had.

The world is full of great ppl, but I challenge anyone to show me a community that has been through the adversity that Sikhs have, at one time being wiped out by 50% of their population. (That would mean even more than the holocaust for Jews by percentage). Within a year after that time frame they were the rulers of Punjab, after being cut down they only grew, after being killed they only increased. What resilience they had, today for the cheapest things for the things that have no value, we sacrifice, our priceless gifts, our priceless inheritance from those souls just vanishes into thin air.

It is true, today we are only good enough for a movie title Singh is Kinng, otherwise there is no proof of that.

NY Rally for Sikh Students

2008-06-30T23:53:00.006-05:00

Baltej and I attended the Rally in NY for Sikh Students. As I expected the turn out was pretty low in the about 150-200 people. I remember a long time ago the same problems were encountered during Sikh human rights movement when at one time I vividly remember there were only 6 of us standing out side the Indian Embassy. Now that I think about it I am sure the Embassy employees got a good laugh.

To be Sikh means to stand for others, but we rarely even stand up for our selves. Today in NY Sikh students are being harassed but we really don’t feel the pain because its not someone we know. Manmeet and Harpreet went along with me they have activists nature in their blood now after doing so many projects in India. I was able to meet Jagmohan Premi the Sikh student punched, along with other Sikh students who were harassed in school. It was surreal because we were able to talk to them give them encouragement and let them know they are not alone.

I know Baltej is to young to understand any of this, maybe he wont even remember his first rally, but the point was that he gets exposure and understands the duty to help others no matter if they are related to us or our friends, they are part of our panth, we are bound in a brotherhood by Guru Gobind Singh. If any Sikh has a problem the community should stand in support, we need to realize this before it hits to close to home.

Here are a few pictures of BKS’s first experience:

BKS with NYPD

Participating in Rally

BKS and Naneji

BKS and POP

Harpreet Kaur Sach Productions

Tribute to Sikh Students in USA

2008-06-27T19:29:00.003-05:00

Growing up in the states I understand can understand the issues facing Sikh youth. Lately there has been many reports of bias incidents against Sikhs in NY schools. Baltej and I will be attending a rally for these kids on June 30th in Richmond Hill area.

Below is a poem I wrote yesterday for the Sikh Students in NY

Real Warriors
In a world that says look like me look like me
To stand out and be different, they dare to be

The bravery it takes at a young age to be unique
Hated looks, smirks, mean names like being called a freak

Sikh students be strong, hold your head high in pride
For what you represent, millions before you have died

Some treat the saroop, the gift as an unnecessary waste
They cut their hair, and drink under minor pressure faced

Those people throw away the most greatest thing
Becoming beggars even though they were born a king

Be Sikh, tie your turban, stand out no matter what odd
No power can shake you, hurt you, if you have faith in god

Once there was a price on a Sikh head
Living in jungles not even having a bread

Great souls they were, the wisdom they had
In the mirror today the situation is sad

It's a lonely path, at times to be who you are
Its easy to trim hair or go to a bar

But what price is paid what exactly is lost
For every action we take there is ultimately a cost

If we turn our back on the one who sacrificed his all
Then we have no shame and eventually will fall

STAND UP high shake the name calling and fear
Be a true Sikh with a mind that is clear

Respect the saroop that the Guru blessed to you
Don't conform to what others think, to your self be true

Harmeet Singh 06/2008

New Style for '08

2008-04-11T21:09:00.003-05:00

There is something new, the change of style for ’08 …its called graying beard! I have seen it on runways so I thought this is the look I want to sport now. Makes me look older, wiser and yes of course, I am just approx. 1 year away from being able to pull of senior citizen discount!

All things aside, a few months ago I noticed a gray hair or two in my beard, and few months later, walah! It catches up to you really fast, I guess this should come as no surprise since 50% of my head hair is already gray and has been for a few years now. The thing about gray hairs is they seem to have a texture all their own and are more stubborn then the younger black hairs.

BKS is growing as usual and now he has gotten a new phase, I call this phase, if I am mad I will either fall down or go to a corner and pout. If there is ANYTHING he wants, and it can be as small as a toy, or wanting to sit or stand, and if he does not get his way….watch out, you are in for some real drama effects. He is starting to test the limits, and watching our reaction. Unfortunately/Fortunately with grandparents around it is difficult to keep a standard discipline but I am sure as he grows and learns how to express himself by other means this phase will pass.

Here are some new pics of BKS….and of my new style:

BKS on the tree near our house.

BKS with Papa (aka Granddad)

BKS's favoriate thing to do outside, collect sticks and then 'TU' them (short for tut or break)

Me and my scooter, yes I was going so fast this picture is a blurr..bRRRRRRROM!

BKS getting a ride.

My Prayer for Baltej Kartar Singh

2008-03-20T11:01:00.001-05:00

Somewhere near Baltej's first birthday I made this poem (last Sept.) As I was cleaning my old files from work I came across it again. So thought I would post it on my blog as an achievable document for Baltej to read one day.

My prayer for Baltej Kartar Singh.

On your first birthday anniversary eve
Let us list how much you have achieved

You’ve learned to crawl, you’ve learned to walk
You’ve learned how to get attention using baby talk

Its amazing, so much you’ve grown in just one year
Weve forgotten how life was before you were here

There are many things to say, many things to learn
But this is my prayer for you is what I hope you earn

I do not dream that you are successfully rich
I do pray you help, others out of a ditch

I do not dream that you are a star in society
I pray you help someone in need rid their anxiety

I do not dream that you are a doctor or engineer
I pray you are a great Sikh with a conscious clear

This material world will pull you many ways
It is a place of lights, camera action and craze

I hope you question why your last name is Singh
For you are a descendent of Guru Gobind the King

The duty on your head I hope you remember
The great fortune that you are a Sikh community member

Some measure success with bank accounts
But they are seldom satisfied no matter how large the amount

Some measure success by how smart you are
But worldly education can only get you so far

Some measure success by how good you look
But nobody can judge contents by the cover of a book

You will feel pressure, you maybe called a freak
But this is the price that is paid to be a Sikh and unique

The message and prayer I can only give
May you listen not to me, but according to Guru live

Jarnail Singh a Warriors Path

2007-12-27T22:38:00.000-05:00

Growing up in the USA I vividly remember the 80s. Since my family is mixed, I remember my dad arguing with my uncle at a party about Punjab politics, it was heated. The day the Golden Temple was attacked, I did not understand the reasons, I did not comprehend the impact. I remember my dad in tears as we were glued to the BBC radio, at that time the only source for news to Amritsar.

The determination of my dad, he began copying lectures of Jarnail Singh and distributing them at Gurudwara. Making those copies one by one, I sensed that our paanth was suffering. When we talked to my grandfather who was in Dehli, he told my mother that India is no longer his nation and he wanted to come to the USA. The next thing I remember was my mom waking me up at 3am, she was excited, when I asked her what happened she said Indra Gandhi is dead, and though I sensed some relief in my parents voices as they told me this news, I could tell they were was more of a concern for Sikhs in Dehli. My mothers family was there, again all day we were glued to the radio with reports of violence against Sikhs.

After this much of my childhood was spent in demonstrations, or listening to my dad or grandfather tell me about the betrayal of the Sikh Nation. Going to the Indian Embassy and shouting slogans for Khalistan, for Sikh rights. My grandfather Kartar Singh shaped my image of Indian history and politics from stories of partition to the Dehli riots he awakened me to what the plight of the Sikhs had been.

Today in 2007, we rarely here slogans for Khalistan. Long gone are the days where Sikhs were united as they were in the 80s’. There is no Jarnail Singh and much of his legacy has been distorted and filed under fundamentalist/extremist categories. Yet what remains is the truth, which eventually will surface. The Indian democracy has so far suffocated the Sikh demands, and Punjab issues, it has tactfully quelled the revolution, basic demands from the Anandpur Resolution are still relevant today.

What has changed? Our passion towards our demands or have we grown tired? Either way we are broken. Today staggering figures of 80% Sikhs shunning their saroop in Punjab. A passionate nation, we are grasping for role models for our kids who have full saroop, we are shooting in the dark by declaring International Turban Day, worrying about the next generation when this generation itself is a mere shadow of what Sikh Warriors once were. Inside us there is a fear of survival, a fear that our religion will get taken hostage by the likes of Ram Raheem or other Babas, and the reality is, the paanth is a reflection of each family of each unit.

Nobody talks of getting baptized, there are worries that to much religion will lead to extreme fundamentalism, and this worry has made us take step backwards. Why have we closed these doors? Why today it takes someone years to decide to take Amrit the first step to the commitment to Sikhi? Everyone is fearful of drowning so we stand on the shore now, then we worry that a wave may pull us in. Superficially dawning the saroop and not giving justice to it. Sikhs who once ruined their own house, gave their own heads for others, are now only worried about themselves. Guru Gobind Singh scraficed yet its just rhetoric now, its just a story without feeling, without passion, without the true understanding of depth. We comfortably live, even with no remorse for those who gave everything to survive, a price to be a Sikh, we have profited from their pain, from their suffering, and we sit idle, without purpose, without direction, and just waiting. We wait for someone to kick us so we can complain instead of standing up for ourselves, we wait for someone to win Indian Idol who is sabat surat, so we can have just one role model. This is our state this is the reality.

More Good Videos

Good Documentary about Sikh/Indian history of the 70s-80s

Perceptions

2007-12-25T21:43:00.000-05:00

This is what happens when we bring our groceries home now.

Baltej and his buddy Bhavjot (smiley) Singh.

Ba BKS reading a disney book.

Baltej caught stealing my remote (he loves those things)

POP and BKS playing XBOX

Whatever experiences we have, make our view and our perception. It shapes us and from our angle it seems we are always correct, always right we choose this subconsciously, and then we shape ourselves from this. What impacts us is our surroundings, which have a chance and even an obligation to change us, to show us new view points and to make us even more critical of our previous view points.

A person who is not changing is one who is not growing. I have a brother in law who after 30 years of being vegetarian started to eat meat, that is change, when I met him he didn’t even eat anything with eggs, now he is a master of what meats, how to cook them what type and what flavor. Another of my friends quit meat after 28 years of being hard core chicken lover. What these two people have in common is the ability to change, to view through another angle and chance their previous perceptions.

If we are not open to change, then we are robots, just following what is to be followed for no other reason than to follow it. There will be no difference between the gatra and janu if this is to become of what Sikhs today think like. We tend to limit ourselves to only our understanding, and our small perceptions when there is so much more to be learned if we open ourselves up. Experinces denied are denial of chances to open ones self, ones ideas revolve around the same understanding and comprehension that always was and will always be.

Watching Baltej I realize one thing, innocence is a true teacher. He is fearless unless fear is instilled in him. He is curious until his curiosity is shaken with doubt, he is happy until he has a reason to be unhappy. Children are very emotional because they are open to these feelings which we shutdown as adults, they are open to learning, to change, and have a sponge like character. I watch him and see how much I have myself forgotten to enjoy, and to laugh sometimes for no reason other than to feel good. Having a child has really made me think, so far he has taught me more than I think I have taught him, through his actions I see a pure individual, uncorrupted yet, by materialistic fancies, or objects. In him I see the curiosity and willingness to learn and be wrong without feeling guilt, to fall but always getting right back up, to cry one moment and be happy the next. As adults we think we mature, but maturity is almost at times lack of feeling, we suffocate our feelings so that we look complex, we look elegant, but inside we are that same child who is going through a roller coaster, we just get better at acting.

Baltej is coming into his own character; he has started to show signs of rebellion, of anger, and devious things. It is impressive to watch how slowly but surely he is developing into an individual. Those who are parents have probably been down this road, and must have even more of a sense of what I am talking about. Those who have yet to have kids, all I can say it has been the most educational experience so far in my life. Chords of emotional attachment that I never knew existed are touched by Baltej, his smile, his laugh, his cuddle seem to make me feel things I don’t even know how to describe. It’s the most difficult thing now to control the attachment, moh one can feel towards their own child.

Its been a while since I had time to collect my thoughts and write, and much has happened. This weekend my in-laws came to visit, so it was a great time for Baltej, 4 grandparents to shower full attention on him. It has been a very relaxing weekend, and now its back to work tomorrow.

Life Inventory

2007-11-19T06:24:00.001-05:00

Its been a while since I had time to post. Last few months have been busy with home improvements, and though we sold the business it seems our weekends flew by doing other things.

Now that things are settling down a bit I find it comforting and enjoyable that I have weekends free to spend time with family. Baltej is becoming a real character now, his personality is very evident and his true curious nature is coming out. Thanks to the help of my brother in law, Manmeet Singh who organized a wonderful event, we were able to celebrate Baltej’s first birthday with a classical kirtan darbar. It was a very special night, and though Baltej is probably not old enough to remember, I am sure some of those vibrations of kirtan will remain with him.

Life continues on, and God continues to bless us with things we probably do not deserve. At work I was promoted without really making to much efforts, my father is soon about to retire and enjoy some free time which is well deserved. Sometimes we over look all we have, we should take an annual inventory of our life. Since the end of the year is approaching this is a good exercise. Take the inventory, and compare it to next year, so how much we are given yet we never acknowledge it.

I will try to post again regularly at least to some degree, here are new pictures of BKS, this is probably the reason most of you come here anyways!

Very well made video

2007-09-01T22:53:00.001-05:00

Great Sikh artist in the making :

Itttttts Friday so clap your hands!

2007-08-24T05:42:00.000-05:00

Nice light hearted video:

Friday's Funny Video

2007-08-16T21:11:00.000-05:00

To keep this blog lighthearted and fun I have decided to post a funny video every Friday. I will start with this video I came accross which made me chuckle. It is Seinfeld style of comedy with a Sikh twist.

The Flip Side

2007-08-15T22:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I posted a video of American Sikhs who were describing what a Diamond Sikhism is and how it is taken for granted by Indian Sikhs. Here is another video of a young Sikh who has just cut his hair, and how happy he is. At first my reaction was anger and disapointment after watching it, but now I realized that if it truly makes him happy to be as he is, and he is ok with throwing away such a great heritage then he really didnt deserve it.

WARNING: This video DOES contain profanity.

To be a Sikh you have to make a consious decision, either you do it or you don't, either you try, or you don't. Each person must make that choice to live in the materialistic mode or inner spiritual mode in which there is a higher calling. Will we do what society dictates or will we follow a true path a simple realistic path. We make the choices on a daily basis, just as life's ups and downs we have religious ups and downs, at times we will feel more connected, other times we feel less connected. The point is always to feel something. This path was handed down to us, we didnt earn it, but inheritance alone cannot make us Sikh. We must make that choice ourselves.

The difference between us

2007-08-14T23:36:00.001-05:00

We have had Sikhi for Generations, look at how someone feels who just is a first/second generation Sikh.

Gifts from God

2007-08-14T06:54:00.000-05:00

BKS in San Antonio

First Pool Day!

He loves Chuck E Cheese!

Lately their have been two new additions in our family. I don't think people realize it that quickly, but it is truly a blessing to have a child, to enjoy time and to feel a bond which you never knew existed. It is the toughest thing to remember that this too is not your creation but Gods great work, because we sometimes think oh this child is mine or has this feature of mine or that behavior.

The child is unique responsibility and gift it is not ours just as very few things are really ours. The more Baltej grows the more and more attached I become. After Baltej, I have felt often that my life has been overfilled with good things, I don't know how to thank, or even explain how blessed I feel that God felt it worthy enough to give this much happiness in my lap without me deserving a single bit of it.

I was contemplating all the things which at times we take for granted, our clouded mind only wants material things or to feel important so that our ego is healthy and fed. But the heart only desires love, and it never runs out. In fact the more we love the more we realize that it is such a special thing, it can never finish, you can give it out as Guru Nanak did, stopping at Tera, and just saying Tera, Tera. It made so much sense when I thought of it like that, when we hear this Sakhi where Guru Nanak would give wheat as his job he would stop at Tera (13), and from that point he would just say Tera, Tera, Tera and filling the containers until the customer had to stop him. When someone complained, a full inventory was done, and it was determined that Guru Nanak had not lost any extra grain. Was this a miracle? If we focus on the materialistic aspect of it, it can be deemed or determined to be a miracle, but from the theoretical aspect, I realized just a few days ago, that the Tera referred to love, Guru Nanak was not giving a grain of wheat but love to everyone, that much love for humanity he had that he could give and give it would never fall short, only the person receiving it would get full but his love never ran out.

Denda de lande takh payee.

Seldom are the moments when I sit in peace with what I have, to many times we are stuck in wanting more, or desiring things which we have small amounts but want larger greater quantities of. When the feeling of 'thanks' comes, it is the true contentment, That Waheguru my cup is overflowing, the water reached the top and now I cannot contain how much blessings I have been given. Gods hand is seen in all aspects of life, in every good and bad thing that happens, it has the same source so it must be the same. Unfortunately this feeling does not last, because it is triggered by desires and materialistic wants it is only a temporary fulfillment, a glimpse of Anand. A glimpse of what spiritually awakened souls feel every moment, and how much they trust god.

They are willing to sacrifice everything for this trust they have, for the amount of faith has no boundaries because it is not set with a requirement. Love/Faith both have no requirements, they are just feelings and emotions which are triggered by themselves. So it can be determined that having faith or love for God is equal, that either feeling will set off a permanent bliss where we will not care for this society, because we would realize that the ultimate player is not us or the people around us, it is that power that is sustaining millions and billions and trillions and beyond life forms on this planet and probably countless others. And we are worried about our small microscopic life, when we create something we make sure 10 people know, when we write something we make sure 20 people read it, when we accomplish something we want the praises of others. How can we compare to that being which has created everything?

Evad Ucha hovey koye, tis uche ko Jane soye
One has to be as high as god to understand him.

Living in the Moment

2007-07-18T22:35:00.000-05:00

Everything happens for a reason, its a commonly used phrase. The question is when things happen do we live in the moment? Or do we live in the past and the future?
To often we fail to realize the moment, the past is gone, and the future is unsure, yet we waste our time in both of those, and the time we have, the moment we have is lost. Its a reality that many of us live, the beauty in every second, in every breath we are alive, we should be thankful. Our unhappiness, and stress would disappear if we didn't worry or think to much but just live.

There is actually a power to live in the now, you empower yourself to see things you would normally miss, to sense things which would be lost if we ourselves were lost in thought. We do ponder our past, we wonder how we could have made it different hindsight is 20/20. Worrying about the future we set conditions for our happiness, if I get this car my life will be perfect, if i get that raise, that job that house, the conditions are set and then we set ourselves up for unhappiness forgetting that the true happiness is not in the destination but in the journey.
I notice a lot when there is a vacation to look forward too, the time from actually booking the trip to looking forward to it is the most fun. Once at the vacation the days to end of vacation count down begins. Same in life the journey the now the here, the present is where the happiness is, if we are happy right now then that is a power we can use.

The noise of life rarely lets us breathe, rarely do we get a moment of silence when you can find yourself, when you can find that happiness in the present. Too many things to do, to little time. But Guru Nanak had a solution for this, Amrit vela the early morning when all is calm, your mind has just awakened, thoughts of the day are just beginning its the perfect time to enjoy the now, the peace you can feel at that hour is undescribable. No wonder it is given such a high importance.

Amrit vela can be equated to a child's birth, entering this world after a sleep we are a clean slate, we are innocent and calm. As a child gets older they begin to get attached to material things to toys, same way we start to get attached to our big toys. Simple living gets complicated, and nothing we do seems right, the feeling of emptiness continues goal after goal, achievement after achievement we keep trying to fill that void yet it only temporally goes away and then its back.
What can fill that void for good? What can quell the desire? Truthfully we are the cause of our own misery, if we can remove the I, the ME, then there will be no void to fill, when one is empty then that state is full. The Guru has taught that when you are emptied then you can be filled with the blessings of God, then you can feel in bliss at every moment, fulfilled at every second, great are those who reach this state, and great is there company!

Sikhism's Plague

2007-07-16T22:45:00.000-05:00

It has become very normal, alcohol's association with Sikhism, with Sikhs is almost becoming synonymous. Recently I attended a extended family party, there it hit me on how entrenched this plague is in our community. Alcohol flowed like water almost 90% of the people on the dance floor fully intoxicated. As I watched I realized that many people that I had no idea consumed alcohol did, it really was an eye opener. Nobody thought its a big deal, as I went to the bar to order a coke another sardar looked at me and commented "Sorry bhai sahib, that I am getting these drinks in front of you" maybe because I had left my beard open he mistook me for the local bhai sahib (which in itself was a shock to me!)
Its really amazing, that we as a society have accepted this as normal. Nobody can really speak out against it because you will be a minority within a minority. You will be labeled an extremist and ruining the fun for everyone else. How did it get so bad?
Drinking is against Sikhism, ANY SORT OF INTOXICANTS is prohibited for Sikhs. This is not a valid rule for many. We can be sitting in the Gurudwara, we can be great people, be nice be kind but we have failed to accept the tenants of this faith. We have failed miserably all in the name of Social norms, all in the name of Fun we have let this great diamond of Sikhism slip from our grasps. Its on the floor as we hold our glasses of expensive wine and vodka, as we consume very elaborate smoothies with just a hint of alcohol. We smile at one another we think hey this is the high society, this is the life, this is what its all about. As soon as the buzz is over it is clear that its not this.
The buzz of Sikhism, the Buzz of being true to one's tenants never ends. Guru Gobind Singh, Shen sha of Shen sha's, King of Kings, yet to us the mighty beer is more important. Nobody is addicted, everyone is just a 'social drinker', just the same way we are social sikhs. At Gurudwara we sit eyes closed singing, because socially that is the rule. Like a mantra we read Gurbani, we read our history but in action it never transpires, for us, experimenting, doing what others do, becomes more important, more useful, and more easy.
Sikhi is tough, nobody can be a perfect Sikh. That might be very true, and in that statement we realize hey, why even try.
When all else fails do what others are doing, at least then we wont look like we are trying to achieve something. The true Sikh isnt one that is perfect, its one that is trying at every oppurtunity to fulfill Sikhi, to fulfill the great teachings of the Guru's who laid down everything, and we wont even lay down our glasses for them. It is a laughable state, to a point where it probably would make you cry.
I never refused to go to parties where alcohol was served, I felt as long as I dont drink who cares. After this party I realized there is more at stake here. Baltej was there, he is very young but every impression is important. It shapes us, it sticks to us and for children even much more.
I really have no concluding thoughts on this, I am still really a little upset/distraught at how this problem seems to have no solution. I just pray that Sikhs wake up soon, before we have drowned ourselves.

BKS FIRST VIDEO!

2007-07-10T21:21:00.000-05:00

Finally I had a chance to edit some of BKS's videos into a clip!

Enjoy : If the link below doesnt work, click here http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4323164346930814917&pr=goog-sl

Back from San Antonio & New BKS Pics!

2007-07-09T20:10:00.000-05:00

Finally had some time to update the blog! It’s been a while. I have been in San Antonio for the past 6 days hanging out with Manmeet and Harpreet. We had a lot of fun there and got to finally take Baltej to a studio to get professional pics! They came out so nice, I had gone in to get a free 8X10 with coupon, after the photo session I decided if the photo’s came out nice I was willing to spend about $100 on them, but when we saw them we ended up spending double that! I guess they really get you by showing cute pics of your kid you cannot resist!

Manmeet Singh scanned the pics for me so I can share them on my blog. I hope to update it more often again. For now here are Baltej’s first studio pics:

Baltej Kartar Singh and Mommy

This pic came out so natural, very nice!

BKS chilling at the studio
This was cool they spelled out Baltej with blocks!

This pic will be displayed in the studio they made us sign a release so they could do so!

BKS holding our hands and walking

BKS was having so much fun in the studio, we got such natural shots, his expression of excitment here is priceless!

Crawling freely, another natural shot, they let him crawl around while snapping shots of him.

Family pic.

BKS and ME!

Baltej Kartar Singh in Patka

2007-05-13T22:43:00.000-05:00

Recently my youngest sister had her babyshower. Baltej tied a patka for the first time for this special day. Here are the pictures :

BOLE SO NIHAL! SAT SRI AKAL!

Baltej with his cousin Neal.

BKS with Mom and Dad, he loves to stand.

Forcefully sitting for the close up.

With Grandparents

With Mom, he is really attached to Meenu and my mom.

1/2 a Year OLD!

2007-03-25T21:11:00.000-05:00

Typical hero head shot

As Baltej grows, it is becoming more and more apparent how beautiful and lucky we are to experience parenthood. He now responds clearly to things we do or say.

Baltej is now 6 months and I have offically forgotten how our life was before him.

BKS is also learning how to show affection by kissing or patting your face, he even has stopped pulling my beard as much, though at times he will do it unexpectedly. Other times he will grab a handful and then look at me as though he is trying to get my attention and after I tell him to let go he releases his grip, curiously staring at my reaction.

This blog has officially become baby picture central.

Tender moments.

Playing on the Exersaucer.

With mommy on the first weekend of spring.

Sunglass buddies

Fun times

WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

2007-03-20T05:46:00.000-05:00

I have often pondered the thought about how Sikhism survived such a violent time. At one time their was a price on Sikh heads, we talk about human rights and holocausts now but this was true survival.

What was in these Sikhs, they were not superior in physical strength, numbers or in weaponry, infact they probably were malnourished living in jungles and feeding off the land. So what was in them that they were able to survive and eventually thrive under those conditions?

Nothing else can be said, they had some sort of inner strength, some sort of will that was unshakable in the face of even death. They understood that this body is only a capsule and somehow they managed to defy odds, defy laws of combat and succeed in circumstances which seem miraculous.

Yes I just watched the movie 300, it was very difficult not to continue to picture Chumkor de garee, where a handful of Sikhs fought of thousands upon thousands. The movie was based on a cartoon, but our history is based on facts.

Look at the strength we had, and today, people question should I take amrit, should I keep kesh, should I wear a turban. It is almost a laughable state. We question and trivialize the simplest things with nothing on the line. Yet those souls who didn’t trivialize anything in the face of death. The comparisons make us look so weak that nobody wants to go there. Nobody wants to think of what being a Sikh really means, what sacrifice really means, we are comfortable, and we do not want to lose that.

If that means being comfortable and fitting in, or being comfortable and debating concepts of Sikhism and arguing points like lawyers to get out of doing something that’s what we do. We manipulate and complicate simple things, and in that we lose the innocence the love of our religion. Today we question, not when but if amrit is necessary. If kesh is necessary, nothing on the line, yet questions no answers. If we had a price on our heads, what would we do? Without a price we drop ideals, we drop rehat, we drop Sikhi. Or maybe we need that price on our heads, maybe we need that to realize how important these ideals are. To realize how many people sacrificed so we could live freely and this great religion could flourish.

Have there sacrifices gone in waste? Look around do you feel they sacrificed for a people who appreciate and keep the ideals, who without question can lay down there lives for principals?

Its time for reflection, its time for interspection, and most of all its time to put down the lawyer books its not time to argue, but to understand what we are, what we were ment to be, much more than this, much more than trying to weave around and dodge basic concepts. We were ment to be Singhs, we were ment to be Sikhs of the Guru’s who not only preached but lived in their own life, sacrificed their own self for these great principals. WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

Noise

2007-03-20T05:27:00.001-05:00

Our daily hustle bustle, noise. In life we have a constant noise, rarely do we feel a sense of calm or tranquility. Our mind does not want to sit in one place, we can physically be sitting but our mind will never stop running. Thoughts = Noise, the noise is less in the morning when the mind is just stretching, it’s a perfect time to reflect and to feel that sense of calm. Amrit vela sach nao, vadayee vichar - in amrit vela we are able to cancel this noise. We are able to hit the pause button and feel that peace when things are not in motion. The soul never ages, we do our physical entity ages it’s a part of that noise. We can barely here the calm, even in that second or two of connection it is almost faint, the noise and worries of life are not to far behind. Fear of changing, fear of things drive us to feel normal to be normal. It is abnormal to push your body to wake up that early, it’s abnormal to make your mind calm, and it is abnormal to try to connect to something within all this noise. It has never been normal to be a Sikh. Not during Guru’s times, not today. A Sikh will always be abnormal, unique this is part of our creed. The idea that we must try to realize god, in this lifetime while fulfilling all of the worldly duties. This is a unique thought, a revolutionary concept. Today Sikhs have taken that concept to the highest degree, we live lavishly. We celebrate lavishly, we laugh we play lavishly, indulging in the pleasures of all relationships and wealth. After all Guru Nanak had pointed the Sikhs toward this, towards living a fulfilling happy life and reaching god. Something is lost…. It is evident in our Gurudwara’s in our society, in our culture. There is a gap a missing link where somewhere along the line Guru Nanak’s message is lost in translation. Today we have the most power Sikhs have ever had, we enjoy the most freedom Sikhs have ever enjoyed yet we have least amount of satisfaction of Sikhi. The youth have dropped Sikhism in Punjab, in the West while pockets have picked up Sikh principals there is still a huge disconnect amongst many of the youth. Sikhism enjoys lavish lifestyle Guru Nanak had envisioned? Are we the same who can live in jungles for principals of our religion? Can we sleep on hard soil instead of soft beds? Or are we willing to give up principals for jobs? To look good? What are we? What are the Sikhs today? The reflection of you is the reflection of Sikhs today. Do we understand the principals of our religion? Do we feel that power of sacrifice of fighting for others? The question is more than just ghrist jevan, living a family life, we have defiantly gotten that concept down, but are there other concepts we have dropped? Simple living, truthful living, sharing with others, meditating? Where are these, why are they lost in translation?

Exploring the Great Unkown

2007-03-13T21:09:00.000-05:00

QUICK THOUGHTS AND ENOUGH BKS PICS TO SATISFY YOU FOR A WHILE!

Baltej is growing at a fast pace. I realized this because we had 3 new babies in our family/friends circle. When we went to see these newborns, BKS looked like a HUGE baby compared to the little ones, it really surprised us how much he has grown.

I think because we see him on a daily basis it doesn’t look like much. I finally had pictures developed from birth till now and we could really see a difference just in the few months. I guess those who are parents can vouch how quickly a baby changes and develops. Baltej is now even more aware of his surroundings, yelling and jumping in your lap to communicate what he wants. Since the weather has started to get better we take him out for walks, he really looks around and is so curious of the outside world.

We bought some books and he loves to look at them, since he cant watch tv yet we try to keep him entertained with new stimuli such as toys and books!
I always cant wait to come home and see his smile

He loves to fly!

Trying to hold a conversation....

Infront of our house (its the brick with black shutters on the right)

What you lookin at?

So many toys!!!

Reading with Daddy (nanaji) he concentrates really hard!

Pretending he knows how to read!

Gonna be a basketball star!?!?!

Tabla Practice

See ya next time!

2007-03-03T00:07:00.000-05:00

There are so many things I can talk about. From my new job, to my business to movies Ive watched, but all of that seems like petty things compared to Baltej. He is really starting to develop a personality and knows differences of nice and when I am upset at him. If you talk to him rudely he becomes very quiet and refuses to smile or make eye contact. He is very sensitive and curious, always wants to play and never wants to sit or sleep. He is always exploring things, and if nothing is in front of him he will start staring at his hand.

One thing I taught him which Im really proud of is how to give ‘5’ and high five. He loves it and keeps doing it over and over its so much fun!!!

When I come home he gives me the biggest smile, he now knows who is who, what timings someone is coming, who is going. Its really really amazing to watch him as he develops.

I think I’m becoming one of those parents who is always talking about their kid!! Uh oh! LOL!

More Pics of Curious BKS:

He loves watching the fish, he can sit here quietly for a long time without getting bored.

I think its the different color fish that he is intrigued by.

More fish Watching

He acctually can sit up almost, and enjoys feeling like a grown up sitting in chairs!

BKS Explores!

2007-02-26T22:37:00.000-05:00

My new job is challenging, but on the bright side, I have got to spend much more time with Baltej. All of a sudden he has become very curious to his surroundings, often trying to grab things and stare at them. He plays gatka with his rattle with me, and he blinks before our rattles hit together, he knows it will make a sound so he reacts before! It is amazing to see him explore and observe. Since he was sick he was sleeping with us, often he would wake me up by hitting me in the face with his hand at night, in the mornings he is the happiest, especially when he wakes up, its like he enjoys the whole waking up part! Lets see how long that lasts!

Will try to blog more soon. Till then here are some more pics.

After work time.

After work Part II

Playing happily

Many Baltej Pics so far.

Viva Las Vegas!

2007-02-13T21:28:00.000-05:00

Fountains of Belagio, Las Vegas

Following I wrote on the plane back from Las Vegas.

Just returning from Vegas. It was my fist vacation with Baltej and luckily my parents were along to help share the load!

I had heard a lot about Vegas from my relatives and friends who had been there before. Indeed the hotels and casinos are very extravagant to borderline magnificent architectural models. The lights, the glamour and life are undeniable. Seems like it was the lighted capital of the world. Since we had mom and dad along we were able to see some shows. One show in particular “The Blue Man Show” was refreshingly entertaining. Three Blue Men didn’t speak a word but through action and music brought a very unique style of theater.

The feeling of wealth and power was everywhere. At fountains of Belagio or the Wynn you could only stand in awe of how much money it took to create such things. As I walked around some of these lavish places I thought that this place should be named Maya de Nagree or Place of Money. The last day I was proven wrong when I accidentally walked past the ‘strip’, after all the lighted sky scrapers, it was dark alleys, and cheap motels. I saw homeless people gathered outside of a drugstore, inside the lady in front of me could not afford the $4.50 hairspray she had in her hands. This was an opposite reality of the glitter just few blocks away.

This contrast makes me believe that where there is day there will also be night. Morally or ethically I don’t have much opinion about gambling, I gambled about 25 dollars myself. For some who have too much money it is a hobby to some who love the excitement it becomes an addiction.

These hotels just make you wonder ‘WOW!’ how the rich must live. Many times we feel jealous or under privileged when seeing such things. Our bank accounts compared to a rich mans seem like we got a raw deal, was it luck? Did they work harder? Who knows all we care is that they are there and we are here.

Reality between a rich person and a poor one is not much. Same heart beats in both. Same blood pumps in both, same air is taken in. The difference is materialistic or man made. We started waking up and thanking god for everything we have instead of asking for things we don’t we would automatically feel rich. Endlessly we are blessed, yet we feel empty! If we started to list everything we are given, granted for free then the list would keep going, just as our desires have no end, Gods gifts have no limit.

I feel rich when Baltej smiles. When I understand that I’ve been blessed with so so much it makes me wonder why I sometimes complain or have any more to ask. I’ve been blessed with a wonderful wife, great parents/in-laws, and countless relatives, and mostly a religion which teaches me how to feel content, how to gain some understanding and direction.

All of us are blessed; from the beggar to the king each in his own way is given a chance to experience life, to feel the beauty of everyday. It’s just our thought that divides us.

During our taxi ride to the airport. I was talking to the Driver who had a son in Ethiopia. There was no difference he was a father like me, a human, doesn’t matter if he was a different color, race, or religion. His emotions are the same, his dreams and hopes, his laughter all the same. Humanity must be one, if god is one.

Differences are in our minds, in our eyes, in our thoughts. Gurbani says we all came from the same light, then who is good? Who is bad? Who is rich? Who is poor?

We all try hard to be things wee are not, our greed drives us, and blinds us. We have desires to fulfill but remain empty even after reaching goal after goal, success after success. You cannot fulfill your never ending wants. You can only feel full by accepting each blessing, realizing it, seizing it. Each breath as a gift, realizing that it is not under our power that our heart pumps.

Someone once argued that the Guru’s lived like kings, yet I have not heard of any king sitting on a giving his head for others, sitting on a hot plate, or sacrificing his son’s for the betterment of a nation. Guru’s taught through action to live in thanks, in hukam and in an omni-feeling of happiness and bliss, once you have that you have real wealth, real power.

Vegas Pics and other Nonsense

2007-02-11T22:56:00.000-05:00

Time moves fast, when one thing ends it’s left behind. Last week was my first week at my job, it felt a little challenging, all of a sudden I didn’t know anyone. The position itself is very challenging something I am not used to it and actually find quite amusing that someone would hire me as a project manager!

The responsibility here is tremendous and even though many people joke about government jobs being easy, so far I have not found this to be the case. A week after I was hired by the Federal Government, they had a hiring freeze. During the orientation the HR representative told us if we were even a few days late in accepting the offer, we would have lost the position, due to the massive budget cuts.

Things are still the same at home, Baltej continues to awe me with his new abilities and talents. I had bought two toys for him from Vegas, and a door sign for his room which is very unique, I might take a picture and post it if I still feel motivated enough after writing this blog!

Since I have started my new job, Meenu has started going to Quiznos for me in the weekdays, so it leaves me with the weekends. After having a business I realized that weekends are a luxury not a right. I don’t know how many months it’s been where I can say I had two days consecutively off a Saturday and Sunday, it seems like it will never happen for the time being at least. I have missed many family get togethers, this week Meenu’s family had a kirtan for Sahejpreet (Rupy’s son). All the relatives came even from as far as Toronto, and Boston, but guess who was not there? Yours truly of course! I was at Quiznos asking people, White or Wheat?

I am not complaining, well in a way maybe I am, but mostly I feel we will end up doing what he makes us do. In every situation we should feel at peace, now that’s easier said then done! I missed Baltej, the weekend I get to see him in the morning in his most active state, when he first wakes up. He is happiest then, so I missed seeing that this weekend. I was home and just watched movies, in utter boredom I ended up reorganizing our closet. I needed something to do to keep my mind off missing the family function.

I actually wrote a long blog on the way back from Vegas, I will try to type and post that next time, I’m getting sleepy!
Baltej’s room sign will have to wait as well, but here are some pics from Las Vegas

@ the Belagio, where we stayed! ha ha!

B4 Going to dinner

Mama Papa at Hover Dam

Right after oil in his hair, I gave him a funny new hair style.

Mama, Papa and Baltej in New York, Las Vegas

BKS @ McDonalds Las Vegas

2007-02-03T05:09:00.000-05:00

FINALLY!!! I had a great vacation, and more importantly I got to spend a lot of time with Baltej Kartar Singh (aka BKS). I just got back its about 5am and I was so excited to look at the pics I thought might as well post a set. The pics below are at a McDonalds in Las Vegas, BKS was really having fun watching me drink my coke and playing.

MORE PICS TO COME SOON gotta sleep now!

BKS on my shouldar playing.

BKS trying to eat the coke cup

After watching me, he realized this is how it was done. (dont worry he didnt drink any, yet!!)

BKS watching me drink, look at his eyes hes just concentrated on the cup LOL!

BKS Playing with me! WOOHOO!!

SPOTLIGHT PROFILE : Shabbir Talib

2007-01-24T22:58:00.000-05:00

Principal Engineer: Shabbir Talib

In life you meet a variety of people, some leave a good impression, some you remember but forget later, and some show their genuine personality and become unforgettable. My co-worker Shabbir Talib is one such individual. At first glance you would think he doesn’t weigh more than 100 lbs. but after you get to know him it would seem his heart is big enough to be 100lbs itself.

I first meet Shabbir 2 years ago when he started in our government contract. My first impression of him was he seemed to be a very opinionated, smart and very energetic person. At that time I was in a different department and he would come and give us updates or ask us about our procedures, he would talk to me in Hindi and it was difficult for me because I don’t feel comfortable talking in Hindi (since college). I would respond in english and I am sure at that time he thought I was the biggest ABCD ever!

A year ago I switched teams, into the Networking team where Shabbir was. It was then through daily interaction and work that I got to know him better. He probably knows 1000 times more than me about networking, yet he has never made me feel inferior to him. At some jobs people do not teach you because they feel you may take there job, but Shabbir has always helped me in all my projects he has been behind me 100%, even if I credit him on every project I did last year it would be an understatement on how much time he took to help me.

We shared jokes on a daily basis, and because he loves comedy, he would make me laugh at some joke or another. When I had Baltej and it was my first day back, he had posted pictures of Baltej (which I sent my coworkers) on my cubical for me. Talking to him in Hindi/Punjabi daily added some interesting work place experiences, my Hindi had just begun to improve.

We take walks every day, and in those walks I got to know his personality, his family values and his great religious appreciation. He is a devout Muslim and is one of the most respected volunteers in his community. Speaking about religion, I never felt that I am Sikh, he is Muslim, when we talked we always felt like we were one, he never made me feel that I was of a different community or background or religion, in our chats he always advised me and talked to me as a younger brother. It is this reason that I am doing a profile on him, because most of the readers of this blog are Sikh, my previous profiles have been about Sikhs. It is very refreshing for me to say that one of my close friends and co-workers is a Muslim, it really makes me feel good that we have respected each others faiths, and given dignity to both. Shabbir has always spoken highly of Sikhs infront of all my co-workers, he has not only respected me as an individual, but also respected my values, and my culture as a Sikh. I would give credit to him also for encouraging me when I started leaving my beard open at work, he has always made me feel that my identity is my strength. I even told him when I started to wear my kirpan to work, he never discouraged me, he never told me it isn’t a good idea or to think about it, I thought he would give me that reaction, as he is not Sikh, but it almost seemed he understood my sentiments.

I told him once that my grandfather used to speak of a Lahore, prior to partition where Hindus, Sikhs, and Muslims lived as one, there was mutual love and respect, and dealing with Shabbir and my interactions with him really brought home that reality. I respect him for who he is, his appreciation for family, for being a religious person and most of all being an honest individual. Many times he has made me look good, given me credit and even taken my mistakes on himself, without expecting anything in return. He has treated me as a younger brother, but given me respect like an older one!

Shabbir interacts with everyone with the same respect and love. He is probably the most intelligent person in computers I have known so far, yet he is willing and insists on teaching others. In a dog eat dog corporate world it is wonderful to know that people who are unselfish and humble still exist.

It is my last week at this job, and I will always look back at last year as the most memorable experience in my career so far.

Principal and Teacher (hahaha Inside joke)

HOT TOPICS!

2007-01-23T22:50:00.000-05:00

Writing a blog is a huge responsibility, you have to know how much of yourself to share, how much of your life to show, and most importantly how to walk the narrow line of trying to place your views in a manner nobody is offended by.

Often times I have posted things unedited just running a quick spell check and posting (you many notice countless grammatical errors in my posts).

So lets put it out there, any ideas on controversial topics? (I ask you keep it to PG-13 as some of my elder relatives read this blog!)

If you have any topics please feel free to comment here and who knows, it just might be discussed on SikhPortal!?!?!?

In the meantime enjoy these pics from Baltej's First Lohri at our place:

Kirtan with live fire and popcorn!

Papa and Hardeep Jatha

Fufar ji aka Gurpreet Singh and BKS

Rare Family pic @ A recent Baby shower

Some Guests enjoying chilling

New Job

2007-01-17T21:56:00.000-05:00

Sleeping on the job! Baltej and I sneak a nap (Picture by Harpreet Kaur, thanks!!!)

Cutness Contest, whos cuter?

Again it has been an eventful few days. Within this week I was called for an interview for a government job and offered a position. Giving my resignation after 8 ½ years of service was a jittery thing, but I think change is necessary and needed in life to get new experiences. God blesses us in so many ways we seldom think about, without us asking or deserving anything we are granted so much yet we thank so little.

Recently I was pondering many times we feel we deserve this or that, a bigger salary , a bigger house a nicer car, and we are so indulged in that thought that we don’t even think twice that we were given the biggest gift for free. The gift of life. We didn’t do anything to deserve it, we were just created out of the grace of god, and then in turn everything following that is a blessing. We perceive things as good or bad only because we fail to really give credit to God, anything good or bad happens with his grace under his command so then how can anything be bad? Everything in gods creation happens without us worrying but we will worry about the small pity things in our life, taking away time from our lives denying us the ultimate peace which we all are born with but forget how to attain!

Watching Baltej is just a miracle, I wonder how innocent life is, how peaceful and how content. We add our own complications, even our sadness is our own doing, its our thought process which makes things negative, or makes us unhappy. Our mind tells us always that its out side sources, maybe its some person, a parent, a spouse , a boss who has made our life miserable we focus on that, and then we forget that it is our perception of happiness which makes us happy and same way it is our perception of sadness which makes us sad.

The Guru’s told us that the spiritual person does not look at happiness as happiness or sorrow as sorrow, he looks at everything as the hukam and grace of god. That in every indignity there is the dignity of god, in every loss there is the loss of god, in every gain there is the greatness of god. If we would only let it be up to him, and not worry, just live in hukam to get to that utmost peace is every Sikhs life goal. Heaven is one we are one with god, when we are thankful in all states, when happiness and sorrow are exactly the same, when winning and losing is exactly the same, we can finally sit in peace and tranquility, and Hell is when we drown in maya, when we seek happiness from outside sources, when we blame outside forces on our sadness.

Many times we think to god, we hold a dialogue with him that hey if you are great then do this for me, do that for me, fulfill this wish, grant me this or that, and in our desire we hold god accountable to give, and he keeps giving. We are beggers with attitude, and God is the greatest giver, he gives endlessly, and in those gifts we drown ourselves deeper our wants and desires don’t know any limit. If we attain something our ego is always ahead ready for the next thing. This is our state, of endless begging yet we never look to what we have, the greatest gifts of life, love, relationships, of the chance to be happy and at peace without any external reasoning.

There is a show on MTV called Sweet Sixteen in which rich people throw lavish parties for their daughters who have turned 16, and sometimes when I watch this show it makes me think how even a rich person wants more how they are not satisfied they need the materialistic things to feel valuable. How great Guru Nanak was doing Sacha Soda at such a young age, living by example a ghrist jevan, in materialistic world and yet showing everyone how to attain the inner peace which we all crave.

In our minds we are fooled, we are fools, and when we forget in this crazy world, that the real world is inside, the real battles are won within, and heaven is not external but an internal feeling.

Sorry if this sounds like preaching it was just thoughts!!!

Real Wealth

2007-01-03T22:54:00.000-05:00

On Monday we held a family (kids) get together for Manmeet and Harpreet’s 10th Anniversary. Most of the family and friends came and helped us celebrate. Thinking about that day makes me realize how wealthy I really am, sometimes I would love to have a new flat screen big TV or a nicer car or a bigger house, but mostly I value all the relationships and friendships I have, those are real wealth, real meaningful things to me.

We seldom contemplate it how lucky we are at times, we are always trying to go against the grain of hukam, instead of accepting it. I am lucky that in hukam I have such Gursikh family, in-laws, and friends, this isn’t something to take lightly. We have loving parents, friends and relatives at times we take these things for granted and when we ask God for materialistic things which really have no value!

Manmeet Singh and Harpreet Kaur are Gursikhs in action. Few people I know have put there actions where there words are but these two are the most stand up Sikhs I know. They have dedicated their life, there money their everything in seva of the paanth, in helping and giving voice to those who nobody hears. The true message of Nanak was action, not talk not rhetoric. Harpreet and Manmeet just got back from India on Sunday, they are starting their new project about Farmer Suicides in Punjab. They told me some wonderful stories and the greatest thing about doing such a seva is that it changes you, it changes your perception of life, the seva actually becomes something that benefits you, it humbles you, makes you thankful and makes you want to serve. Sikhism is all about being inspired yourself, being aware yourself and then making others inspired, sharing that awareness, not just holding on to it yourself, but giving others a chance to experience it as well. I can say with ultimate humility that the seva that Manmeet and Harpreet have dedicatedly done, it is an inspiration for every one, for every person, for every Sikh to know that people like this are still around.

The wonderful thing about any Gurmukh is that they inspire and motivate others not by talking, but by following through. By living that life which leaves others wondering why they are not doing enough seva, how they are making excuses, it puts the mirror up in front of you to dissect your own thoughts, actions and deeds.

To many times I have asked God in conversation for the wrong things, success in business, success at work yet I never asked for giving me the strength to accept whatever comes my way, whatever God has in store, that I can accept it. Whether its success or failure, happiness or sadness that I greet it with the same enthusiasm. I am ashamed that I have never asked for that daat, I instead ask for the wrong things, yet still end up blessed, that is the vastness of God the greatness that even fools get great fortunes, undeservingly receive blessings, which we cannot even count.

I fall deeper and deeper in love with Baltej on a daily basis, and though I try not to its like a quick sand, he smiles he reacts and I am constantly wondering, what it means to be a Sikh of ghrist jeevan (family life) and still be unattached, still be able to make something else out of life. I guess its easy to run off into the jungles and meditate, or not mediate and focus on family, but the most difficult thing for a Sikh is to while living in a family, contemplate and realize god, while fulfilling all family obligations, such is the challenge of our Guru. I have thought of Guru Gobind Singh a lot especially after having a child, I always used to think that his sacrifice of his son’s was great, but now I have a totally new appreciation of it. I am just overwhelmed when I think how much greatness Guru Gobind Singh had, how much strength, valor, honor and humbleness all in one. How can one person sacrifice so much yet be as humble as asking for amrit de daat. Sarbans Dani asking for a dan himself, amazing, amazing indeed, cannot be put into words the emotion the utter GREATNESS of such a character.

Today we are full of excuses of how not to be a better Sikh, how not to wake up, how not to take amrit or how not to follow a Guru’s teachings. We are full of excuses like lawyers we can narrowly win any argument in our favor, we can twist anything for our benefit, yet there are those who step up, who own up to their faults, who instead of excuses show action, instead of whining, stand with honor, even in today’s world. Instead of greed they show compassion, such are true Gurmukhs such are true sevadars of the panth, and in there presence you realize what Sikhi is about, you want to be more Sikh just from the atmosphere that is created with there company, you want to have what they have.

This entry is jumping from place to place, but my main point was Thanks. A thanks to God for all the things I have which I do appreciate, and the countless things I am an idiot not to notice and appreciate, and more over to understand that in my thanks that I should have the strength to ask for the RIGHT things and not things that are just in my favor or benefit.

Below are Pictures of the get together:

Manmeet, Harpreet, Navneet (future father of twins!), and Deepinder (newly wed)

'DA GANG' Hirde, Mo, Anj, Jess, Rick, and Poo

Sarabhpreet, Vicky, Jasprit, Me, Hardeep

Jay, Baltej, Neal

The Couples - Harpreet, Manmeet, Me, Meenu, Vicky/Gurpreet, Pink

Three Company : Me, Meenu, Harpreet

Siblings : Harpreet, Me, Pink

Tenth Anniversary Couple and Saach Productions team Harpreet/Manmeet
Dad, Mom with Harpreet/Manmeet

DA GIRLZ - Shweta, Keenu, Meeta, Mo, Pink, Jess, Harp, Meenu, Poo

Simple Signs of Age

2006-12-27T22:21:00.000-05:00

Innocent Eyes

*MORE NEW BKS PICS BELOW THIS POST

Lately I have noticed an increase in gray beard hairs, though the hair on my head has already grayed about 50%, my beard has just started to show signs. Ive also noticed hair on places where it wasn’t there before such as shoulders and back. I’m only 31 but nobody can escape the signs of age, even if I feel like I’m 18, if I played like I really was I would look like those old Indian actors playing a college kid and not looking their role.

We visited NJ this weekend so Baltej could meet most of Meenu’s family. He has started to respond even more to stimulation and reacts with a smile or a deep stare. At times I feel that he can see right throw me, my weaknesses my past mistakes and my thoughts. Babies have that stare even though it’s a blank stare it says a lot, their connection with God is still so great that they have that shine in their eyes. It makes me think a lot about what I have done, doing and what I plan to do, now that I know those two eyes will be watching, it’s a little reminder for me. God watches all our moves, and we all have moments in life where we wish we had behaved differently. We have our moments of strength and equal or more moments of weakness. In the hustle and bustle of life we forget that all the actions we have cause reactions which cause us to be who we are, or who we eventually become. Every small action, every little thought becomes a seed which we plant and later we eat the fruit or poison.

How to live truthfully, honestly and on top of it skillfully maintain our heritage and sense of duty. Sometimes we are in our routine and we forget that its in our routine that we should notice instances where we can help, where we can improve ourselves, or where we can connect with God. There will never be an appointment to do a good deed or to do some seva or to help someone, it has to flow in your life like water. Water finds cracks where there is none, where there is no time we must find in our life where we can do good, where we can improve our sense of soul our feeling for mankind, where to awaken our humanity. For a Sikh it’s a constant search, to heal others, but to do so we must be healed ourselves, we must seize each day like this is the day I will do the most to change one aspect one seed in my life, maybe someone elses which will bear a fruit later.

How often do we dissect our actions our speech our thinking how we judge others so quickly. How we are first in line to throw the mud but last in line to throw praise to admit someone is better, smarter, holier than us. It’s a pretty sad state, we are just looking for ways to get ahead ourselves even if that means leaving someone else behind. We don’t look out for our family at times let alone looking out for strangers!

Sikh should be self less, no Self, only live for others, only die for others. The message of the Gurus was lived, not just preached. Guru Tegh Bahadur, Guru Gobind Singh sacrificed not just for the cause of Sikhism, but for the right cause, not looking at who will benefit but knowing that in the truth God benefits, and when God benefits the whole humanity is uplifted, its benefited automatically.

Live the difference the opposite of everyone else who is only here for their own gains no matter who loses. For a Sikh it’s a must lose so others can win, to realize that our Win is only when we Lose ourselves.

First Family Trip!!

2006-12-27T06:08:00.000-05:00

This weekend we took our first trip with Baltej. We went to New Jersey so that Baltej could meet Meenu’s family. For those who don’t know Meenu’s family is like one of the celebrity families of the AKJ (Akhand Keertani Jatha). Her grandfather and Mamaji are Chani ji and Jaspal Singh as most call them. Chani ji (pitaji) played tabla with Randhir Singh, and Jaspal Singh (mamaji) plays tabla with the elite Keertaniyas of the AKJ!

So that was a brief about my in-laws. It was a fun trip, Baltej was pretty good throughout the ride and hectic visiting of family. He has now started to drool a lot so you will notice a bib on him in almost every pic. Enough writing I know the pics are the fun part so here they go!

Meenu and I used to travel with 1 suitcase, this is only the back of the CR-V

Had to get one pic of myself with BKS

Winning smile in the car.

Picture of the Future?! (Gururoop, Sahejpreet, and Baltej new cousins!)

Guggs with Baltej

First Family trip

2006-12-27T05:57:00.000-05:00

Random Bath pic, good acting of crying here!

BKS with Grandmother (nani ji)

BKS with Great Grand Mother (mother of naniji)

BKS with Great great gurmukh Chanji Ji (Great Grandfather)

Baby Convention, Rupy with Sahejpreet and Daman with Gururoop

3 Truths

2006-12-12T16:30:00.001-05:00

Baltej is growing really fast, he is starting to collect baby fat on his arms and legs. Yesterday we had a little scare where he was constantly scratching his face and it was flaring up with a red rash, his back and chest were also red. Meenu and my mom took him to the after care (emergency) and they said he had Eczema, we are unsure why it flared up or what is causing it, its hard to tell in such young babies.

Other than that he is a happy baby, hes always smiling and curiously looking around. He has gotten used to me dancing infront of him which has become my daily cardio exercise. He looks very intently, and inside I know his blank brain must be writing down so much about the world slowly he will fill that brain with so much.

I was listening to Japjisahib on my way back from Quiznos and just pondering what do we know as true in life. Most everything we learn is either false or fabrication of the truth, I could only think of three truths which every human will experience.

One is birth, we have all experienced it so realistically we only have 2 more truths to experience, the next truth is death, the inevitable truth that we will eventually die. If we think about this truth then things set into perspective, we realize that what has begun will end, and then what will we have left behind, maybe someone will hang our picture on the wall, or someone in a faint conversation will say there once was so and so. If we are lucky we might have inspired a few souls who might discuss us who knows maybe even name there kids after us? But not much more than that can a living person do for a deceased one.

The truth in the middle of birth and death sandwich, the meat of life, is described in Japji very elegantly.

ADH SAACH – Before Time he was the truth
JUGADH SAACH – Throughout the ages he has been the truth
HAI BHI SAACH – Presently he is the truth
NANAK HO SI BHI SAACH – He will ever be true

This middle truth, of God only a few will experience. We all will eat the bread, birth and death but if we are lucky enough to get a taste of the real ‘meat’ of life, the real flavor of this sandwich then we must realize the truth in the middle. We feel the truth in life is our friendships, our relationships, our earnings, our savings, our materialistic things, our success, but all these things will die with us.

Imagine everything you worked hard in your life for, it dies with you. The king and the pawn will go in the same box after this game is over. Bill Gates Billionaire over and over will go in the same box as the homeless man on the street, how true that is!

How true is it, that we will waste our life in pursuits of happiness only to find an empty well because we never filled it with real spiritual earnings? We hit the cruise control on life only to realize eventually the gas will run out, we don’t have a meter in this car! My gas might be out tomorrow, today or 80 years from now, the only truth being it will run out!!!

Yet knowing all this, contemplating it we only are left with a superficial feeling. We will think about it for a few minutes, and then we are back in our daze living day to day. We are all racing racing running running and nobody knows to what or to where, we just look at each other and run. One person buys nice clothes and everyone does, nice shoes, name brands, look nice feel nice things, we are all running.

Its like horses just following each other, when one person gets in the lead they are followed then someone else. How sad is that? How sad that that is also a truth that we don’t even know where we are going. People are setting goals, trying to achieve great things nothing wrong in that, but without realizing the fact that the ultimate goal is forgotten.

Where did I start and where did I end up. I just cant wait to get home and see Baltej, and see him smile it makes a lot of my work stress, melt like butter. People say you realize many things when you have kids, this is true, I am realizing that besides leaving Baltej with lots of $$ or comforts what else do I want to pass on, it makes me question my own actions, my own intentions, and makes me want to really analyze it.

Right now he is smiling, soon he will question, what I do, why I do it, and at that point I want to have the best answers possible, the answers that mean something are only backed with action, otherwise I’m just a politician! That’s it for today, I’m thought out!

Until next time FATEH to all!

The Holiday Season

2006-12-07T21:43:00.000-05:00

Ho ! Ho ! Ho!

NOTE: Yes, new BKS Pictures are posted below this entry.

As the Holiday season approaches, the advertising hits a all time frenzy with all retailers trying to profit from this most valuable part of the year.

Since I was pretty much born in America, when I was younger it was impossible to escape the magic of this season. The TV shows, movies and advertisements were always on, we would also get excited watching these things. As kids we felt underprivileged it was tiresome to answer questions on why we had not received gifts after the holidays or why we do not celebrate Christmas. Many times we tried to convince our dad to get a Christmas tree, and celebrate like everyone. He always insisted that this was not our holiday, it was not our culture.

It was very difficult for us as kids to understand, all we wanted was to feel like everyone else, be excited and feel the love this time of year brings in everyone. Luckily my dad was persistent enough and we never had this celebration in my house, nobody exchanged gifts, we just treated it as any other day. I loved to watch Christmas movies though; they were always the feel good type family movies which brought a smile to your face.

I guess my point is, later on in life I can appreciate what my parents had tried to do.

So can a Sikh exchange gifts?

Should we as Americans participate?

What if someone gives us a gift, should we return a gift to them as well?
Sikhs should be all accepting, all respecting, universal brotherhood loving ppl, so why not participate?

Simple answer is, its easy to participate. Its pretty simple to shop for gifts wrap them and hand them out, you will probably feel good, and normal and jolly. Really if you’re a Sikh and you choose to do this more power to you! I don’t think its too wrong, there are many many worse things ‘Sikhs’ are doing now a days, so going out and celebrating Christmas isn’t a khurat!
Let me purpose one thought though. As a Sikh we should constantly be vigilant, and constantly question why we are doing actions. It is very crucial for spiritual development that our actions have meaning, have some weight and be fruitful. If we are to celebrate Christmas, then we should celebrate all big religious functions of all other religions, why are we picking and choosing the popular holidays to make our own?

If you celebrate Christmas then we should celebrate Eed, and Diwali with our Muslim and Hindu brothers? Why do we choose to only participate in the popular or socially acceptable events?
Think about it, who has celebrated Hanukah in Sikhs? Why not? Its not a matter that we want to be inclusive and not participate in such a big holiday, we need to do this while maintain our identity our uniqueness.

We choose to be American, when all we are is confused! Being American has nothing to do with celebrating Christmas.

We rarely celebrate our own Gurpurabs with such excitement; we rarely celebrate the martyrs of our faith. Those unrecognized heroes are in our ardas and that’s about it. We seldom think about them otherwise, about how quickly they gave there lives so that others could live.
If you chose to celebrate Christmas I will give you my address please send me gifts as well. And after that I will expect gifts at every martyrdom Gurpurab we have in our calendar as well!

NEW BKS Pics

2006-12-07T21:26:00.000-05:00

BKS Chilling on the pillow

BKS @ Quiznos, no he didnt eat! :-)

With Mommy on the rocker.

Playing on the Sofa

Real Goals, Real Success

2006-12-04T08:25:00.000-05:00

In life we set goals, we try to achieve certain things. Professionally, Financially, Personally, we set goals certain levels which we think we should be at different times of our lives.

You think at a certain age you will have a job, a spouse, then kids and so on so forth, we actively strive for these things so to make them reality. At the same time we ignore our spiritual development, we don’t set goals for that, its always done as back burner or when we have time.

No one ever thinks at such and such life stage, I will get up at amrit vela, or I will keep my kesh or I will take amrit, we wait just for the right feeling. We wait for when we will be ready in our minds, when our mind tells us its ready but that time never comes, we get so entrenched in our routine and our way of life we forget that this was an important aspect of our life.

When the dust settles, we see that we had just wasted our times foolishly perusing those things that wouldn’t last and never put priority on those things which transcend time and space. If I ask someone when they will take amrit, it’s a confusing question, and if someone asks when would you like to become a millionaire, the answer is ASAP.

Recently I watched a documentary on TV, a homeless man was given 100,000 dollars cash, to see what he would do. Could he turn his life around? The story ended with him buying 3 cars and failing to land a single job. We are like that homeless man, but we have been given unlimited amount of religious energy yet we cannot really use it for our benefit, we don’t have the discipline or the drive to make it meaningful.

It’s a tough balance, and as a Sikh living in our lives fulfilling the responsibilities we must in our families, yet being ready to sacrifice everything even our life for a justice cause to defend the weak to uplift others. A huge responsibility rest on our shoulders. Sometimes I think what could I do to be a better Sikh, what characteristics do I need to develop; time and time again it comes back to one thing. Being a Sikh is letting go of your fears/doubts. When you are free from fear and doubt then you can really feel Sikhism, we are constantly living in the state of fear from one thing or another, from society, from our boss, etc. etc. once we realize that there is nothing to fear, and we put our trust in God then everything works out.

Who can trust God that much? Today I have a child, can I trust God enough to live in the will of him getting thrown in the air and a garland of his body parts being put around my neck? THAT was the strength of Sikhs back then, that was the level of sacrifice, the level of commitment and the level of fearlessness. Today we fear even before there is something to fear! People come to America and cut hairs because they don’t think they will get a job? Fear even before fact! How much difference is there between those Sikhs who gave every ounce of there being, and us who rarely give an ounce?

Then we wonder why the state of the paanth is what it is. The state of our panth is not in India, its not in Punjab, or Amritsar or Akal Takhat, the state of our panth is right infront of you in the mirror. Our state is the state of Sikhism today. Change comes to the mirror that will eventually become the reflection of our paanth. The teachings are the same as they have always been, the power of Gurbani and Sikhism is as viable today, its just the matter of valuing it and realizing the true potential of it.

You read this blog? Say Hi!

2006-11-28T07:39:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I have a stat tracker on this site, which tells me how many people come on here. I was curious who these ppl are!

Post a comment if you come here!

Make yourself known, who knows you might be the next SPOTLIGHT PROFILE :-) !

( I know the people who regularly comment, Im talking about the others ! )