The Uneasy Feeling

It seems like something that is difficult to shake.  At every life stage we go through, we continuously have an uneasy feeling, and it’s sort of there constantly in the background.  Nagging us continuously creating doubt, fear and making us question our abilities.  It is an invisible dialogue we have no matter how successful or confident things seem on the outside there is that ever pervading doubt.

I think this may be a survival mechanism, an animal instinct to always be on the lookout.  Nobody likes to acknowledge this side of themselves, it puts you in a vulnerable spot.  It’s the social media world now, where what is posted is perfection, happy faces, continuous highs and good moments.  We are bombarded with images and thoughts which make us feel like that is the true reality, when it is really just a small subset of positive emotions.  What is shared is not the whole spectrum of sentiments or authenticity, not only is it a limited view, it is a filtered reality of that small window.

The human experience is very difficult to capture, we try in our own ways.  Pictures, videos, writing, art yet nothing can ever describe emotions completely.  There is always that part of our experience that only we know that only we live and that only we actually feel.  That is our inner truth, our unfiltered reality.

That uneasy feeling is actually our reality that we ignore, that we consistently refuse to engage in discourse with.  The participation of understanding yourself, your true inner self is the first step of spirituality.  It is the step that seems the most difficult because we are so used to living externally, our image our reputation, our looks, everything creating noise from the true reality of who we really are, and what our real purpose in life is or should be.

Facing anything takes courage, but facing yourself is the most daunting task of all.  It is why most refuse to do so and continuously live in a state of superficial reality.   We create a numbing environment full of things around us, and put value on temporary objects.  Our self-worth becomes less of the inner truth, rather more about what we can project to society. 

Our worth is not in our things, it is not in our relationships, it is not in our accomplishments.  Our worth is something we have within, that we are born with, it is just given to us for free and that is probably why we take it for granted.  It is too simple so we make it complicated that is a gift we have as human beings, to complicate simple things.

The only way to cure the uneasy feeling is to embrace it, own it, and understand it.  Applying the coating of acceptance will begin to bring some peace and contentment.  In an otherwise noisy world silence is the key, it is the only truth.

The Average Sikh

They say the average American does not know the difference between a Sikh and Muslim.  They tell me the average American associates a turban and a beard with ISIS, Taliban, or Bin Laden.  That’s ok because the average Sikh does not have fear in their vocabulary.

We are not the victims of mistaken identity, we are in fact doing exactly what our identity was supposed to do.  It was supposed to absorb hate and ignorance so others would not have to.  See, you mistake us for something we are not however you do not know exactly who we are.  Our heritage teaches us tolerance, to love the enemy and to protect even those we do not agree with.  These seemingly progressive values, of equality, freedom of religion, justice for all that you thought were American are actually something Sikhs have been living, and dying for centuries over.  Our history is full of examples how Sikhs protected others before themselves, put humanity first and their own life last.  We are taught from a very young age that our identity comes with responsibility, it will come with its own set of challenges, and we are in fact ready for anything and more your hate can dish out.

We have learned through our forefathers that hate does not last, and love, and truth eventually overcome.  You may feel big by attacking us, but with each blow you only strengthen our resolve.  You have bullied our children in schools, attacked our places of worship all in your skewed misinformed and small view of the world.  Yes we look different but we are not foreign to this type of treatment.  Everywhere a Sikh goes they know they stand out, they know their identity comes before all else that is presented about them, and even in the face of extreme intolerance they are willing to not reciprocate the hate but shower love instead.

You think if you intimidate us we will go running ‘back to our country’ as you heckle commonly, however we will not go back but only dig our heals stronger to prove that not only are we not afraid but we have the resolve to overcome your anger.  Our religion provides us the guidance that there is no other, there is no difference, there is no better, there is only divine light which shines in all. 

A Sikhs strength lies in their identity, it goes hand in hand with their existence.  You might use images of the media to shape your world view through the bias lens, but we use spiritual power to shape our resolve.  A Sikh will stay steadfast in a  storm because we know the real battle does not rage externally rather internally is where the conquest really counts. 

My hope is of a better America, where tolerance is not just a word that is thrown around, but actually practiced by every individual.  Where diversity is not seen as a weakness but our core strength and what makes this nation great.  Till then you will never see us hiding, the 'Average Sikh' will be out there with our turbans and beards easy to spot and ready for any challenge that may be presented.

Happiness

Today while driving to work I read a very intriguing bumper sticker.  It read: “ It’s never too late to have a happy childhood”.  Needless to say my mind always needs something to ponder and with a 45 minute drive I lowered the news radio I normally listen to and thought about that bumper sticker.  My thoughts quickly drifted to many questions:

What makes me happy?

What is happiness?

How often are we meant to be happy?

Why is happiness so important?

Why is it so difficult to obtain or keep that happy feeling?

As I pondered it, I reflected on the moments in my life that were the happiest.  It was in those times that I really felt alive, that my life felt like it had purpose and meant something.  Happiness defines us, in a way we are exactly what we are happy about.  Our personalities, priorities, time, all is spent to fulfill some sort of happy moment we seek. 

Having young children reminds you of your own childhood, and one of the first things parents begin to understand is how happy children constantly are.  They seek happiness in every moment, this is why they cry easily too, because when they don’t get to their happiness it is devastating.  For them the only expression left if something is not fulfilled is the emotion of crying or throwing a tantrum.  As adults we ‘mature’ in thought and this brings about two fundamental changes in the way we pursue happiness:

1)      We don’t pursue happiness as often – we begin to realize that happiness is not guaranteed, therefore we limit our tries, and we calculate our moves to effectively manage our failures.

2)      We become jaded and less and less disappointed when we don’t get to our happy place – when we don’t get to our happiness we hide our disappointment and emotion with a strong face, or a careless attitude of telling ourselves, we really didn’t want it anyway.

So though we are all constantly seeking happiness, it becomes an elusive element in our lives.  The main effort is not placed on the feeling of being happy but on how we can get there.  Therein lays our problem instead of focusing on the moment of being happy, or in a happy state we begin to tell ourselves, I will be happy when….

We begin to call these, goals, achievements, but we are just masking the truth about setting destinations of happiness.  Of course there is no harm in trying to achieve success and pushing ourselves to become better in whatever realm we deem important, the fault comes because we as humans begin to see those destinations only.  Our happiness is then offset for another time, not the current moment, not every moment we are living, not every experience we are having, but only those we are striving for.

This is the reason children can find happiness in just playing with dirt, they do not care about the end product of playing with that dirt, what they can build with it, or what goal they will achieve after playing with it.  They only care about that moment, about that current state their mind is in, they are doing something they want to do, and to them that is their happy state.  Sadly we begin to live our lives as adults and then we teach our children the same thing that happiness is a destination, not every moment.

In our fears we tell them that happiness is found in success.  In better grades, in being the best at everything, in putting rewards at the end only if certain conditions are met.  You will get ice cream if your room is clean, which means happiness will only come ‘after’ you have achieved some level or satisfied a requirement.

I am about to turn 40 and maybe this is my midlife crisis talking or just my normal insanity.  This whole notion is crap, it’s full of shit, and honestly it makes me sick to know that it’s what we teach our children.  Instead of learning from them, to live each moment and in a constant happy state, we teach them that the happy state will only come if we accomplish something.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying we should teach them to be lazy; however there should be rewards, there should be celebrations at random for no other reason than we have that moment.  It would benefit us, and them if we started to take away some of this ‘achievement’ based happiness.  It would benefit us if we ourselves started to enjoy moments of happiness at every breath, not because our goals have been reached, but because we actually have this moment, this particular second in time to let ourselves feel good about our journey at its present state.

I’ll be happy when I get to high school, when I get to the college I want, when my career is set, when I have money, when I have no mortgage, when I retire, when my kids are set, consistently we push our happiness away, instead of embracing it. 

Happiness is not a destination; happiness is in every moment of our journey.  It is in fact our natural state, when we take away judgments about ourselves, or comparisons with others.  When we focus inward, we find that within ourselves there is a treasure of great happiness that we began to ignore when we became ‘adults’ as we matured we buried that treasure even deeper.  We forgot how to look up at the sky and marvel at the clouds, listen to the wonderful sounds of the chirping birds, feel the wonderful/warm the sun rays hitting our face.  We forgot that it is our maturity that causes us strife, our intellect that causes us stress, and most of all our inability to be satisfied with the moment of time we are given, the present, to feel blissful in every situation.  The beauty of life is in every second, and somehow we miss it because our attention is not in that second but some hour/day/year in the future.

Happiness can be found in every breath, moment, touch, glance, and smile, in the simplest and most natural way, all we have to do is stop trying so hard.

SPOTLIGHT PROFILE: GURPREET SINGH – COMING FULL CIRCLE

Photo : Vicky stylin' and profiln'!

My first encounter with Vicky aka Gurpreet was outside of my house on my driveway, it was 2 days after my marriage. Just a little clarification, Vicky is the husband of my younger sister and also the Brother in law of my Cousin brother Raj. So double relation, my first impression of him was he was tall and had a very strong handshake.

As time went on I noticed him at my cousins get togethers (since he was a part of their in-laws) one thing always stuck out that he was the only turbaned guy on their side of the family. Besides hello and hi at family functions I rarely took any time to talk to him and vice versa, he was a very pleasant family oriented guy and always left a good impression on those he knew and didn’t know!

Once we all went to the amusement park together, all extended family and Vicky was also their with Raj and Keenu (Keenu is Raj’s wife). The only thing I shamefully remember is when I saw Vicky in a baseball cap, I called him ‘Topee Vala’, not sure if he remembers this but I do!! It was pretty mean thing to say but sometimes arrogance clouds your judgment, and you judge people on their looks and limited actions.

A few years later, at Gurudwara I saw a guy who looked like Vicky in the langer hall. I thought maybe he had another brother because this guy didn’t have a turban or a beard. I looked more carefully but still couldn’t see that it was him. It wasn’t until one of my cousins told me that that’s Keenu’s brother he cut his hair. At that second my heart sank, all of a sudden I remembered all the times and opportunities I had to talk to him, maybe get to know him or see how he felt about Sikhi, I had past those up, and today he was here in the langar hall with no turban and no beard.

Photo : After he cut his kesh

It's always a sad feeling I get when I see someone let go of their saroop, even if I don’t know them I sometimes feel I lost a close brother. It’s a difficult thing to swallow even though I am open minded and understand everyone has their own path, but when it happens there are some emotions which are triggered. I believe this to be the inherent connection that all Sikhs have with Guru Gobind Singh, this bond is stronger than we know and through that bond we are all connected.

Afterwards I still kept seeing Vicky in family functions and get togethers yet I always imagined him with a turban, I couldn’t take that image out of my head. It was tough at times to see him but after a few times I started handling it better inside myself and came to terms with it.
I am going to skip the part of this story where Pinki and Vicky fell in love, because that is not for me to tell, and on top of it I probably just know very little!

After Pinki and Vicky were close, he started talking to me online. It was there that I felt his strength, his love for Sikhism, it was evident even in our conversations. He shared some deep feelings he had for Sikhi, and eventually I mustered enough courage to ask him why he cut his hair. It was a tough question but after seeing how much love he had for Sikhism it was one that I selfishly asked. To this his reply was on the term of “moment of weakness” or something like that, it was a few years ago so I cant remember the exact quote.

I went to his house a few times, and there I got to know Vicky, and I saw such a beautiful person. He is a huge giant and he has a HUGE heart, and it was at that point that I had accepted him as a better Sikh then I was. He had a passion for Sikhi, for Seva and more over the way he talked he just motivated me to seek more of his sangat. We spent a few weekends together, going to Gurudwaras together, then after wards just going to his apartment for chips and salsa, while we talked. I really hold those days close to heart and as moments in which I gained so much understanding and appreciation for his genuine love towards Sikhi, that inspired me!

I remember one of those weekends we were sitting on the floor at his apartment when he told me that he has decided to keep his kesh again. I don’t have the words to explain the feelings I had at that moment, so I wont even try to express them here!

Photo : Transformation first stage.
Photo : Transformation 2
Photo : Transformation 3
For someone to come full circle it means that they have seen all the sides. I believe that Vicky came full circle with his saroop, from having it and not appreciating it, to losing it, and then coming back even as a stronger Sikh. It is really special to see when a person is transforming into Sikhi saroop; you can actually see the Guru’s light coming through them. As their hair grows, and you see that part of their Sikhi blossom you can only feel blessed to be in their presence. The first day he tied a turban again we went to his house, and took pictures before heading to Gurudwara.

Photo: Comming full Circle, first day wearing Daastar right before Gurudwara
When I look closely at what Vicky has shown, besides courage, besides the humbleness to change and besides the great and deep Sikhi which was inside him, he showed me that Sikhism is not just a state of being, it is an experience. That living even through the tough times when you're down you can actually come back stronger, better, and more dedicated.

BOLE SO NIHAL!!!
SAT SRI AKAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Photo : I like this one because he looks content, or tired ! lol!

You look like God

I walked into Himmats class early and began going through what I was going to talk to the kids about.   His teacher walked in and greeted me she asked me what I would need, I told her just the projector and I would setup the rest myself.  As I began to unpack my laptop for the presentation, the class started to walk in from recess .  I got the normal

 “who are you?”  - I’m Himmats dad

 “Are you HIM MATT’s DAD?”  - Yes I am!

“You have a long beard” – Yes I Do J

Then I heard…..

“You look like God”

I did not know how to respond. So I pretended to ignore it.  I knew the direction from where that comment came but did not know who said it. 

When the presentation began I started with my normal ice breaker jokes, and then I asked the kids what they noticed about me, or what was different.  I have gotten all sorts of answers to this question….from your beard to that thing on your head, to you look like a genie and even some that were brutally honest, you look scary or dangerous!  Anyways I am used to the response that question brings.

Hands immediately went up and the responses came in, all that I had heard before until I called on a little boy to my left.

“You look like God” he said again. 

This time it was in front of the whole KG classes and all the teachers.  I laughed and thanked him, I told him it was the best compliment I had ever received.

Later I thought about that moment, it was a child being totally honest and upfront, but more importantly there was a message.  In our hectic lives and our own small worlds we forget that everyone is in the image of God, that we all have that light inside of us.  Each person has the same worth no matter what their bank account states.  Each person has the same value no matter what family or linage they belong to.  In hustle and bustle we forget the simplest things that in each spirit there is the essence of one.

When is the last time we looked at someone and saw God?  Or told them hey you look like God?  Trust me it’s the best feel good comment you can give someone.  

The Man without a face

There is no opportunity that should be passed up to teach your children. Today at take your kids to work day both Baltej and Himmat accompanied me to my work.  During lunch I decided to take them to the mall of course it was packed in the eatery at lunch.  As I grabbed our food I started looking for a table to sit but could not see one.  I finally spotted a section where there were a few seats empty; it seemed a little odd because of the rush to have so many empty seats in one section.  As we got closer I noticed why, sitting in the middle of the table was a man with a disfigured face.  It seemed like he had been burned or in some sort of serious accident.  He was just sitting there alone both tables next to him were empty.

I quickly walked toward the table that was closest to him. I had Baltej take the seat right next to him and Himmat right next to Baltej.  I sat facing the man and said hello, he nodded his head.  Baltej kept staring at his face, I reminded him its rude to stare (the perks of knowing a second language!).  Soon the kids were buried in their food and I noticed the man looking over and smiling at their silly questions and conversation.  I also noticed Baltej glancing over and sneaking some peaks of the man.  He was done eating but just sat there and listened, at first I thought he was waiting for someone, but that was not the case.

He observed us and as I answered some of their funny questions I noticed him laughing.  Nobody else occupied the table on the other side of him, even though it was fully crowded during the lunch rush.  While I was looking down at my food Baltej tipped his milk over and it all spilled on Himmat’s shirt, pants and shoes.  I quickly got Himmat to stand up but he started crying very loudly saying its cold and Baltej did it on purpose.  I only had about 3 napkins and as I was wiping Himmat down the man next to us quickly grabbed some napkins and handed them to me.  I thanked him and he smiled, he told Himmat it was an accident so he would stop crying.  

The man could barely speak clearly.  After I calmed Himmat down and we started eating again he began to have a conversation with us.  He said he loved the fact that Baltej was eating with his hands and he did the same when he was his age.  He asked them what sports they like to play and what other foods they liked.  I noticed Baltej begin to open up to the man and the kids were also laughing at his questions.  After a small conversation the man finally got up and started to leave.  After he left I told the boys that everyone is the same on the inside, no matter how they look we should never judge them from the outside. It’s a simple lesson but one I felt really hit home because of that man.  He really didn’t have a face but inside he was just like them and then I told them look at the table next to him nobody was sitting there he was sitting all alone, and its our job to make sure nobody feels left out.  Baltej smartly remarked is that what a good Sikh is supposed to do?  I told him yes, more importantly that’s what a good human is supposed to do.

The Right Parent at the Right Time

There are many things in life that are tough, but I have not come across anything yet that is tougher than being a parent.  This is my third time and you would think one would have things figured out, but no, there is no experience that can prepare you for different personalities.  Each child is different each unique and for that reason all the strategies that may have worked before do not apply.  You are constantly reinventing things and trying to control something that seems uncontrollable.

To add to complications you yourself are not perfect, something you are reminded of constantly as a parent.  There are expectations you have for them that even you did not fulfill yourself!  There are things you don’t really want to enforce but have to because it’s your job.  Not wanting to be the bad guy or the hated personality you take on this role just for the sake of what you think may be better for the children. 

There is no exact science, books are written parents talk about experiences, heck there are even seminars you can attend which teach you how to deal with this new role.  But nothing can really prepare you for the daily challenges internal and external you will face.   Nothing can prepare you for the love and overwhelming emotions you feel when you see them smile or cry.  Nothing can prepare you for the way you feel when you punish them even against your own desire.  Nothing can prepare you for any of this; even having this experience several times it is new every day.

Normal things you can master in one or two attempts, if you are slow it will take you three, but eventually you understand logically how to approach challenges.  This challenge is something that constantly morphs, they are changing, they are growing you are also changing, yet one thing is constant, you are the guide, you are the one responsible, and so you have the stress to make this work.

It can be difficult from the most complex to the most simple situations.  Last night I put the boys to bed, which in and of itself is like corralling a herd of unwilling mischievous and energetic creatures.  There are routine things that need to get done like the bath, brushing, flossing (or they tell the dentist I don’t help them floss!) and changing into night suits, to the unscheduled challenges like breaking up a fight on who sat on the toilet first when both of them are pants around knees half sitting on it.  

From all directions your energy gets drained, yet you have to maintain composure, you have to still have enough in your mind to come up with a bed time story that will satisfy them.  After all the pushing, pulling, begging threatening and debating how many stuffed animals they will get to sleep with,  finally they are both in bed.  I make up fake animals and give them names which sound ridiculous, and make them do human like activities, and not just a simple story will do…it needs to be a full production with character development, a challenge, and then somehow overcoming that challenge by these characters.  Oh it cannot be short either, if it’s too short it is met with “That’s it?”  “That was too short” type heckles at the end.

After the story which uses every creative cell in my brain I breathe a sigh of relief 'whew all done'.  I move the what seems like 20 stuffed animals they have in-between them and kiss them good night.  Triumphant I walk away from their room to bury myself in some mindless TV and/or very mindful conversation with the wife (yes she reads this blog too).  After about an hour and half as I am relaxing on the sofa browsing Netflix I hear some noises coming from the kids room.  Immediately I think its 9:30pm and they are STILL awake.  I get up and walk towards their room putting on my MAD Parent mindset, WHY ARE THEY AWAKE on a school night this late? 

As I enter the room I see they have constructed a very impressive fortress.  Using the comforters and the bunk bed they created a tent and pretty much blocked out all access to the outside except for a few small cracks between the pillows and the stuffed animals they are using as walls, light is shining into the dark room and then I see it go off as they realize I had opened the door.  There is complete silence, I go over and look inside this makeshift ‘tent’ and see both of them, the older one has laid down and tightly closing his eyes and the younger one apparently forgot to lay down and is sitting up flashlight in hand with his eyes closed, as if that would fool me!  For a second I think how awesome it is to be a kid, to enjoy this ‘tent’ and this game, they even had managed to find a flashlight from my office and sneak it in to their beds like contraband.  I admired the creativity it took to create the tent, and how painstakingly difficult it must have been to do this all in stealth, knowing a parent could walk in anytime and ‘catch’ them doing something they were not supposed to do. 

For those few seconds I want to be a kid, just like them.  I wish I could join them and sit in their tent and tell stories and joke about something gross like ‘potty’ or ‘farts’.   Then there is the parent side that turns on that tells me to make a lesson out of this, to make sure they understand that they must be in bed at a certain time or they will have a difficult time functioning in the morning.  That parent wants to punish them to make sure that this never happens again.  As I am wrestling these roles in my mind Ive found that there is no right way to respond.  I am in a space where I cannot become that kid, nor can I become that parent, I don’t want to be either because both don’t fit my exact feeling.  I am somewhere in-between, I want to teach them not to do this during bed time, but I also want them to be children to have these exciting moments and to not stifle their creative spirit, that is in essence the truest challenge for every parent. 

It is not that we don’t want to do our job, or know how to do it, it is balancing that job with some reason and logic which provides a positive landscape for developing minds.  Every parent has the same dilemma how to make a human who is better than themselves, who does not have the same weaknesses, or insecurities.  So we hide ours, we try to be or act like that person that we want our children to be yet in this act the kids just see our hypocrisy as we all did with our parents.  We saw stubbornness, and lack of reason, or ability to enjoy life.  With these thoughts I’ve come to a conclusion or somewhat of a defeat, you have three kids and you realize there is only so much one can do.   I don’t want to create a better versions of myself anymore in them, I just want them to a better version of themselves.  There is not much I can do besides provide unconditional love, I can guide but I cannot drive.  I can nudge but I cannot force, nothing positive will come out of something negative.  Of course there are moments I remember this, and there are many more moments that I forget!

So with these thoughts instead of BLASTING them for defying their bed time, being sneaky rascals and creating mischief when they should have been asleep, using an LED flashlight that could BLIND them if they look into it.  I calmly took down the comforter they were using as the tent and said, this is an awesome tent, it’s actually the RIGHT tent, just at the wrong time. 

Being a parent is easy, but being the right parent, at the right time, is probably the most difficult thing in the world.

Back home....

Certain things bring you back to perspective.  When we experience life beyond our normal routine we find how comforting our routine normally is (you like that play on words don't you!).  

I had been away for about a month, traveling India and Pakistan I came to one realization, which I always knew but seldom felt.  I am blessed beyond measure, I am given more than I ever deserved and that gratitude is what provides me to not only believe there is a god but also gives me the power to be thankful to him.

We are creatures of negativity, as in our minds it is the only way to feel driven or want more, better.  We stockpile our belongings, we create wealth which we never enjoy, we build false sense of security in things that are temporary, forgetting that which is permanent. Then we end up in depression, in strife and in constant conflict with what we need to feel full.  There is no answer in living feeling empty constantly.  The countries I visited, I can point out thousands of things that were wrong, I can point out thousands of things which annoyed me, which wanted me to come back to the United States, but I can tell you having nothing, at times even less than nothing, I have met those people who have a sense of satisfaction about life which seems to be missing even with those living in abundance in the west.

Sense of family, friendships, and relationships felt real there.  I was offered assistance from complete strangers, I was force fed out of love from those who barely knew me, and I saw service that was unparalleled. 

This made me think about many things as I was there, and even more as I have returned.  Over there I told those who I talked to that here I see an overflowing element of faith, and in the west, I see an overwhelming element logic.  Both are needed for living, but with a balance, as without balance both have some adverse effects to the human experience.

It is not fair to rationalize all the people I met and interacted with in these categories, obviously there are always exceptions but I am just talking generalizations.  In the USA we have unlimited comforts, yet the level of stress, depression and medication for mental issues is very high.  In India I noticed those in extreme circumstances, in dire states, were willing and prone to joke and laugh with me.  Having close to nothing they lived with a positive outlook, here having everything we often live with a negative outlook.  Our surroundings of ever competitive nature do not allow us to even enjoy what we have, as our thirst for more continuously fuels an uneasy desire.

In the East I experienced life in a different capacity,  the basic human needs when not fulfilled, how thankful one becomes when they are.  Having warm water, just having clean water was a luxury, that many were far beyond thankful to get.  Yet here it is part of the routine, part of the norm, and so it is not given a second thought.

It led me to understand that human nature is that of thanklessness.  Our basic default, is never to count our blessings, its always to count our short comings.  We have to force ourselves to count what we have,  why is that?  It makes me think that we are sort of driving ourselves to be negative.  We deny ourselves the bliss of living in a feeling of being full.  Yet we are full, we are full in so many scenarios, even those who have nothing are still full, their lungs are getting full of air, for free, yet nobody has thanked anyone for this.  There blood is being pumped to every part of their body for free, yet nobody has thanked anyone for this.  Each millimeter of our body can sense, can feel even a soft breeze of air, within nanoseconds this reaches the brain and provides us awareness of our surroundings, yet nobody has thanked anyone for this.  We have many around us who care, who love, unconditionally yet we do not have anyone to thank, we really did nothing to deserve this, and going into detail we can point out millions of other things in our surroundings to be thankful for, yet we fail constantly to live in fullness.

We have in fact programed ourselves to live in logic, fear and emptiness.  Our desires do not like to hear, “I have enough” , that is not something we program.  Every effort is made to strain relationships, not to appreciate what others have done for us, but to criticize what they didn’t do, or what they failed.  We do not live in a state of compassion, we live in a state of delusion, that the world did not revolve around us, that we were the victims of certain circumstances. 

It is only through disconnect, that you can begin to realize how blessed you are.  It’s not about comparison, we always see others who have less yet somehow we justify to ourselves why that person has less.  Maybe they didn’t work hard, they didn’t educate themselves, yet when we see someone above us, we only see that they may have been luckier, we seldom see what they must have sacrificed to ‘have’  more.  This is the one of the biggest tragedies of the human condition.

The sad part of this is we teach our children, who learn not from what we say but what we do the same fault.  They forget how to be happy, they forget how to laugh how to enjoy life because we put the pressures of what we think the world will give them.  We begin to fear the future, even before it happens, just the chance, just the thought drives us to insanely prepare, to stop enjoying the present, to acknowledge all we have, just to protect ourselves from something that has not even transpired into reality! If that is not living in insanity, I don’t know what is!

In my trip I connected to many things, culture, heritage, history those, were just part of the surface level.  Something deeper within me connected to a part of myself that had forgotten how to be truly grateful, not just in the sense of saying, but FEELING grateful .  I had time to contemplate away from normal family life distractions, I had time to remind myself that this is not a race for possessions but life is about the experience, it is not how many people I can change or influence, but how much I can change and influence myself. 

Life is simple, life is fun, life is not about having, life is not about worrying, life is about experiencing the reality that is in front of you at every second, it is about counting what you have and ignoring what you may not have.  To do this we have to be in check constantly about our purpose, about not only who we are but what our actions and duties towards humanity should be.  Once we numb ourselves to live as robots, running after possessions and temporary highs, we lose the constant default bliss that was always an underlining part of this human experience, sadly getting that bliss back requires more work than just giving it up! J

Day 5 Vismaad Studios

On Day 5 I visited Vismaad Studios in Chandigarh Punjab.  It is a full functioning animation/web/ and app development studio, as far as I know it is the only one dedicated to Sikh educational material in the world.

 

My first introduction to Vismaad was because I purchased a DVD called Sahibzadey for my children.  Being a Sikh parent, I often realize there is limited resources for educating children about our religion and culture.  Sure there are the same books I grew up with, same style of writing and teaching but the new generation always uses current technology.  In this regard our community is a bit behind, when I saw a cartoon version of the Sahibzadey I was so happy and excited.  My children watched it eagerly at home maybe because it was something different (Punjabi in a cartoon) or the fact that they related to the images on the screen but what followed were questions and discussions, which was exactly the thoughts I wanted them to have.  I quickly went online and tried to find out more about Vismaad, on their site I noticed they already had two more DVDs out, Rise of the Khalsa, and Sundari.  I quickly ordered a few sets of each of these.  These were met with equal interest from my children.  Some of the songs were catchy, and the animation was improved, with each new release.

 

There obviously is a challenge when you are trying to narrate historical events into something entertaining or message driven, but I found Vismaad had a good balance of both.  My children had some scenes memorized and just being able to watch Sikh history in action was something I was never able to do as a child. 

The best way to teach children is when they do not even know they are learning.  This keeps their attention span longer and they absorb information at a rapid rate while they think they are having fun.  The western education system has used this tactic very well in shows like Seasme Street, and variety of cartoons which assist kids in learning while the child thinks they are having fun watching a show.

With some good luck I was able to meet the man behind Vismaad, Sukhwinder Singh,  a few years ago when he came to do a screening in Virginia.  My first interactions/observations with him online were only reinforced when we met in person.  He is a simple, humble and motivated Sikh with lots of Chardi kala (positive outlook).  After meeting Sukhwinder Singh I felt that he was a genuine person who cared about the state of young Sikhs.  He has a passion to create media that is relevant to today’s youth. 

After many successful animated movies, he told me Vismaad is trying to launch Sikhville, an online portal where Sikh kids would have a variety of learning tools.  Also many mobile phone apps were in development.  Being cutting edge in a seva institution is very difficult, it requires dedication and beyond that motivation to tread on even if funds/outlook may look bleak.

 

Our community is not the best at recognizing such talented organizations/individuals.  We have set our priority backwards; I have seen this first hand.  When organizing screenings it is painstaking to get people to show up for these animated movies.  We make announcements, offer deep discounts in tickets, even offering free at times and still we are unable to fill halls.  There should be some thought given, if a film, documentary, or animated feature is made for a Sikh cause, how do we expect those artists to survive?  We are unwilling to pay a ticket, we are unwilling to buy a DVD we are unwilling to provide any financial assistance, and then we expect a product that is beyond our expectations.  This formula is so flawed, I know some of these film makers first hand Vismad- Sukhwinder Singh, Sach Productions- Harpreet Kaur, and I can tell you none of them is driving around in a limousine, but WHY NOT?

 If Yo yo Honey Singh, or Babbu Mann, or any other actor/singer/artist who we go to pay hundreds, even thousands of dollars for is able to profit make a decent living off what they ‘contribute’ to our culture, then why do we treat our artists as they should be living in poverty?  How can we expect anyone to WANT to do this type of seva with our attitude?

Instead these folks are forced to put majority of their time into fundraising, which I know is going to people with hands out, and ASK for help.  We reduce their work, and their invaluable seva to begging.  This is the true state of our community.  You do something wonderful and you are met with criticism, you are met with skeptics your motivations are questioned and god forbid if you make a profit you will be hung out to dry.

This went off on a tanget, but it needs to be said.  We allow all others to profit, we do not criticize anyone, we go and dance at the concerts.  We get in lines to take pictures with these celebrities, and when it comes to our panthic heros, when it comes to those who are doing seva, we reduce them to mere servants.  We make sure that they are down, they are below us, we do not treat them with admiration we only treat them with suspicion.  The only saving grace is these people are made out a different material and even through all of this, they continue on.

I made it a point to visit Vismaad Studios while I was in Chandigarh, not only was I curious, I wanted to show that there was work being done at a high level even with our neglect.  Imagine if our Gurudwara’s and institutions understood the need for this type of educational material, for these types of movies, what if each gurughar said 1% of all of its earnings would go toward, education and Sikhi development.  Where could we be?  Where would we be?

What if we APPRECIATED those who did this work, what if they came in limo’s and red carpets were laid out to show that this work is invaluable, its needed and its something we appreciate, how many more Harpreet Kaur’s , Sukhwinder Singh’s, Satdeep Singh’s, would we have?

A change of attitude is required here, the Vismad Studios is a living example how things can come to fruition, on my visit they showed me how a film is taken from conception to completion.  What efforts are put in, and how easily we take it for granted.  I encourage everyone to look at our Sikh institutions and where they are donating their money.  What is your gurudwara doing with the money you donate?  What is that or this institution doing?  Its not difficult, most of these organizations would love for you to visit.  We were treated not only to  a tour but offered coffee (which I am told is special blend) at Vismad Studios.   All I had to do was ask to see it, and my part is to share with you this experience.  The work being done there is for YOUR children, for my children, for the children of OUR community.  There is no larger investment you can make in the future.

Not a lot is required, just a small shift in attitude.  So many organizations are doing good work they just need visibility, they need support, they need a pat on the back.  Let us become a community which appreciates talent, which allows those who are pursuing seva as a dream to profit, to benefit just as much as those who are doing it for fame.  Our good Ragi’s, animators, film makers, and other artists should feel that the community is behind them, that if they fall, we will help them up, they should not be worrying about how to put food on the table so they can focus on creating better content.  They should not have to spend the majority of their time ‘funding’ a project rather than making it happen.  They should not have to constantly prove their worth to us, we should realize and provide them the respect, admiration, support, and gratitude they deserve.

Next time you are buying a ticket for a concert, movie or event, remember these folks.  Remember how difficult it was for them to get your attention, attendance, donation and how easily you open it up for others.  Make sure when you see someone doing something wonderfully special for the panth, that your hand opens just as easily, and just as much as you do to get some entertainment.  We should have many more doing such work, and the only way to get there is if we begin to realize their worth to our community.

Visit and Support :
http://www.vismaadfilms.com/
http://www.movies.sikhville.org/index.aspx
http://www.sachproductions.org/
http://www.alittlerevolution.com/

Day 2 - Bala Sahib, Damdama Sahib, Rakab Ganj and Sis Ganj, Delhi

To simplify blogging in my travels I've chosen to document this in summaries.  Due to time and technical constraints, cohesive and detail thoughts/experiences will have to come later. 

 

 

Summary of sites visited: 

 

Bala Sahib 

 

Bala Sahib is located at the place where Guru Harkirshan was taken near the end of his life, he was cremated at this location and also uttered the famous words ‘Babba Bakale ‘ which pointed the Sikhs towards the location of the ninth Guru, Guru Tegh Bahadur.  Interestingly this is also the cremation location of Guru Gobind Singh’s wives Mata Sahib Kaur and Mata Sundar Kaur.  Mata Sahib Kaur’s cremation samad memory is located inside of the Bala Sahib Gurudwara and Mata Sundar Kaur’s is located in  separate building constructed right adjacent to the Gurudwara.  

 
 

Damdama Sahib 

 

Gurudwara Damdama Sahib is located near a very famous Dehli landmark and tourist attraction Humunyu’s tomb.  It commemorates the meeting between the tenth Guru, Guru Gobind Singh and Bahadur Shah, who had captured Dehli.  The Guru made him aware of the atrocities committed by the government, army, and Kings against the Sikhs.   He made him aware of how he was forced from Anandpur Sahib only to be ambushed and to have his Sahibzadas lost.  Bahadur Shah vowed to provide justice to the perpetrators of atrocities agains the Sikhs, he is said to be very impressed by the martial display of the Khalsa.  It is also said that Bahadur Shah wanted to see a match between martial elephants, but the Guru sent in a martial buffalo instead.  The Guru’s martial buffalo was able to chase off the martial elephant of Bahadur Shah.  This made him even more impressed of the martial training and prowess of the Khalsa.

 

Rakab Ganj/Sikh Genocide Memorial 

 

 

Gurudwara Rakab Ganj is a sprawling complex right next to the Parliament and government sector area in Delhi, another note that this will also be the location of the memorial to the 1984 Genocide of Sikhs in India.  Currently there is only a board but I believe eventually this will turn into something of historical reference for what transpired in the state sponsored massacre of Sikhs in 1984. 

Rakab Ganj is the location where Lakhi Shah one of the devotees of the Guru, managed to steal his body on horse after the beheading of the Guru.  Since the atmosphere would not allow a proper cremation last rites, Lakhi Shah placed the body of the Guru and set fire to his home to be able to cremate the body.  Amazing story of scrafice and courage by Lakhi Shah who is one of the heros for Sikhs rising his life and setting his own home on fire just to be able to provide proper last rights to the body. 

Sis Ganj

 

Gurudwara Sis Ganj stands to commemorate the site of martyrdom of the Guru Tegh Bahadur.  After refusing to convert to Islam and upholding religious freedom for the Kashmiri Hindu pandit’s Guru Tegh Bahadur was beheaded on Nov. 11^th 1675.  The Gurudwara is situated at the very busy and robust Chandi Chowk bazar. 

 

Summary of  Thoughts:

 

Guru Tegh Bahadur became the first (maybe only)religious profitr to sacrifice his life not for his own religion but another.  Today in contrast I have seen Sikhs be close minded not only to other beliefs but even other Sikhs.  Guru Tegh Bahadur taught in action how tolerant we should be, how much we should uphold the freedom of choice and dignity for others.  Sikhs who have closed minds should reference this great action in history,  a true example on how to love unconditionally, Guru Tegh Bahadur should be a beacon for all Sikhs to defend those who society may not agree with, or who may not be able to defend themselves.

 

Sikhs should strive to have such a heart that another’s problem becomes their own, not because they have anything to gain, but because if even one in humanity loses, humanity is lost.  This universal message of love is echoed many times in Sikh history but unless we see the love our Guru’s had for a universal, tolerant and free society we constantly miss the point.  Fighting against each other, trying to make others fit into what we ‘believe’ maybe right, is in stark contrast to the message Guru Tegh Bahadur provided with his extreme sacrifice.

 

 

 

 

 

Day 1 - Bangla Sahib, Delhi

I visited Bangla Sahib, where Guru Harkrishan (8^th Guru of the Sikhs) provided fresh water during the small box epidemic.  The Gurudwara itself is stunning white marble with typical golden domes on top.  The well which was constructed by  Guru Harkrishan still provides water, and I noticed at the entrance a few shops selling empty plastic containers.  A sign that some believe in its healing power and take a collection of the well water back with them.   There is also a very large sarover (tank of water common in Sikh Gurudwara’s) to the right, and very large langar hall and accommodations towards the left of Bangla Sahib.

Inside the Gurudwara is a large hall, and the walls around Guru Granth Sahib are all gold plated.  I could not help but feel a little emotional as I bowed my head, realizing this was the first Gurughar of my visit.  As a Sikh these sites are bound to you and we can be as complex and scholarly about these locations, but mere faith overwhelms when you pay reverence.

Since economic divisions are so obvious here, there is a sense you feel when you sit in the langar hall that is different from the western experience.  Here when you sit down to eat langar you are literally sitting with at times the lowest economic level to those who are ultra rich/powerful.  It is truly an equalizer, in a way that humbles you.  I looked around and noticed homeless were there eating, along with tourists like myself.  We all were partaking in something as simple as breaking bread but as complicated as breaking our ego.  We are all the same, we are all one, a philosophy that is so ingrained in the tenants of Sikhism yet seldom do we feel it in our day to day life.  Here in India, at Bangla Sahib I felt it, I felt that sitting there with those who I would never cross paths with in real life, reminded me of that oneness. 

We can escape it in our real lives.  Most of our relatives and friends are from our community or same economic level, but in the langar hall that is not the case.  It is indeed an amazing concept, anyone who is hungry, thirsty, or needs rest can come to ANY Sikh Gurudwara.  I only ate langar for a few minutes but at least 300 people were eating at that time.  Statistically around 100,000  folks eat a meal at Bangla Sahib Gurudwara.  I did not see anyone shunned or denied, I only saw the sevadars serving everyone as equal, and then wondered why anyone would sleep hungry in India?

In the USA we eat langar mostly as a convenience its part of our Gurudwara ritual, somewhat of a social event.  Here it felt very different and it felt ‘right’.  It humbled me; we were sitting on the same level eating the same simple food, participating in one of the most basic human needs of nourishment of our bodies.  This feeling of equality reminded me of the purpose of my visit here, to feel something different, to feel Sikhi, and in that langar hall I felt one of the most powerful messages that the Guru’s taught, so simply yet so effectively.

 

Field Trip for the Soul

I leave my comfort zone today to experience something new.  In my heart I am an American, as I was practically born in the United States everything about me, my education my thought system is pretty much in line with the average American.  I am however very much aware of one big difference.  There is a longing, something connects me to another part of the planet called India and that connection is one of spiritual reality.  What I identify within myself, my religion my way of thought all originated there and though the location itself is not holy, there is something there for me to learn.  I want to go and see what Sikhism is at its root, closest to the epicenter of this ideology.  What similarities will I have with those Sikhs who live so close to our historic sites, what differences will I have? 

There is also the matter of trying to understand a part of myself which has never fit into the ‘American’.  The side of myself which is rooted in eastern philosophies and structure.  In a sense like every immigrant I am torn between two realities, within myself.  As I hit an age where I want to know more I find it increasingly important to investigate what causes these dualities within and how they can be tolerated and eventually mesh into one uniformed person.

The only way to do this for me was to travel back to my native land.  Away from my family and comfort zone, disconnecting almost entirely from the world I have made for myself to a world that I left behind.  The land of my ancestors and fore fathers which whom I have only met in history books and passed down stories.  It is time to go to those sites and find something a deeper understanding of who they were and what messages they have for me, what can I take back within myself and for my children. 

So with the support of my family, particularly my wife I am setting off on this quest.  Unsure and also anxious to what I may encounter, what I may learn, and most importantly what I may feel on this journey.

It will be me, my thoughts, and that historic ground from which everything I am, everything I believe and hold dear and close to my heart originated.  It will be there that I will contemplate and hopefully construct some real understanding of what this all means and what purpose it serve.

After so much dreaming and planning the day has finally arrived to depart on a very interesting journey.  I figured I would be traveling very light, but my friends and relatives ensured the meaning of ‘light’ for an Indian traveler, it means slightly light’er’ than the maximum weight limit for luggage!  It feels a little surreal as I am all packed and ready to go to but the reality is settling in.  As I was planning this trip it seemed like a dream to visit so many locations that have shaped who I am from my beliefs to and what I connect to as an individual.

When pen hit the paper I was forced to cut back and only ended up with 75% of what I originally wanted to do however, now that its on paper even that seems like a lot!  On the itinerary are locations such as Kartarpur, Anandpur, Nankana, Patna and many other historic spots. 

A few have asked if this is a pilgrimage and the answer is simply no.  As a Sikh I truly believe there is no spot that is ‘holier’ than another, we look at all people, places and things as equal in creation.  Pilgrimage infact can be had mentally from within, as a state of mind and being, it need not be physically going to a location to reflect, this can be done from anywhere.

So then what is this for?  This almost 4500 km tour to spots which historical events transpired, where a new philosophy was born and nurtured during its infancy.  This is not really a trip that I want to ‘see’ things, it is not even anything I really want to ‘do’ at these spots, the only desire is to go there and FEEL.  As learning can be done in the classroom, spirituality can be developed from within, still there are supplemental factors such as field trips organized for students, if anything I would classify this not as a pilgrimage but a field trip for the soul.  It is a supplemental factor for me to feel and understand what messages/lessons are there for me at these locations.

I am not going with any great plans or agenda, I am going as a clean slate, clean sheet of paper opening myself to whatever may happen and however it may unfold. That is the beauty of this introspection that it will have its freedom to just happen.  I will keep a camera and my tablet in which I can write for documentation and also capturing the feelings which come honestly.  What becomes of that documentation, how it may help me or others is not my real concern, it’s just about living in that moment and experience.  Wish me luck, I’m going to need it!