The Secret of Life

The lessons of life often come not in large profound situations, but small daily moments if you have the awareness to see them.  One of the most beneficial aspects of being a parent is letting your children teach you.  In small moments, some thoughtful teachings can be had, if one has the humility to recognize them.

An advantage of COVID has been that it has eliminated my commute time, this has translated in increased time with family and kids.  We have invested in some new games, card games for indoors and a badminton set which we got as a Vasakhi present for the kids.  Surprisingly, the boys love badminton we try to play a few times a week and its always a fun time.

It was during today’s evening badminton session in which Himmat taught me a wonderful secret lesson of life.  Of course, I knew this lesson but it was definitely forgotten in the responsibilities and routine of life.  If you know Himmat, you know his wonderful smile and laugh.  Most of the time you can find him enjoying any situation that he is a part of.  His smile is infectious and his laugh is contagious.  He rarely cares what others are thinking or doing, finding joys in food and fun are his talents.

Most of the time in badminton when it is the four of us, its Avtar (8) and me, vs Baltej (13) and Himmat (11).  I never take it easy on the boys, I always figure them losing to me will make them better.  There is also the realization that my window to beat them is limited.  Soon they will begin beating me in most of the sports as their bodies get faster, and my body, well let’s say gets more mature.

As always Avtar and I easily beat Baltej and Himmat.  I completely dominate in these games even taking hits away from Avtar so I can get the points.  Baltej is also very competitive and gets upset at Himmat for mistakes and misses during the game.  Baltej’s frustration leads to both of them either arguing or fighting.  Sensing that the frustration was getting high, I decided to change things up.  Why don’t we switch teams? With that Himmat became my teammate and Avtar went Baltej’s side.

As the game started it was evident that Himmat was the weakest link.  Since Avtar is younger we allow him a lot of grace in the game, during the game the person on his team takes the liberty to hit the shuttle even if its on his side.  Of course, I could not do that with Himmat, so the game started off with us getting behind fast.  At first, I was being encouraging, figuring that the frustration approach would only dishearten him.  As our score differential went to double digits, I started to get a little upset at Himmat.  Why was he not moving fast enough? Why wasn’t he anticipating where the shot would be?  Why is he not getting under the shuttle?  I started to criticize his technique; the coach mode went on in me.  Why don’t you move your feet, be ready move faster, try harder, type of things I started to tell him as we lost more points.

As I was observing him more, I started to notice something else, he kept laughing and smiling at everything.  Every point he lost, he laughed, every point he made he laughed.  It was the same joy regardless what I said, if he missed, if he was losing or winning.  I thought about it and realized he had done that not only this game but the previous game he lost, not only that I think he’s been doing that the whole summer, the whole time we have been playing badminton.

Instead of playing the game, I started to watch him.  I started to see his genuine joy his genuine happiness, and his genuine carefree nature.  I looked at my feelings, I looked over to the other team none of the players on that court had the joy he had.  Even Avtar and Baltej who were in the lead were not laughing and smiling as much as him, and in that instant, I was reminded that that is one of the most precious secrets of life.  The ability to find joy in every moment, the ability to be happy regardless of external situations.  The win and loss were not on the score, but inside us.  It’s what Gurbani teaches us, that the search is not external it is internal.

Watching Himmat that game, we lost, we lost badly but you could never tell that from his reactions.  From his sheer joy of just hitting the shuttle over the net, or even in missing he would look at me and break out in a laugh at how funny it was. 

In this hyper competitive environment/world, where winning and losing is determined by society’s expectations or our own competitive drives he made me realize in that simple yet profound way what true winning is.  It’s the ability to be joyous regardless of all external factors, nothing was affecting him, not the score, not Baltej’s frustration with him in the last game, nor my coaching and trying to get him to take the game more seriously. 

We cannot control our external factors, but we can control how much joy we allow within.  How much we want to experience and express that joy no matter what the situation or status is outside.  We can only control that which is within, will our joy be influenced, or will we protect it, will we allow it to thrive.

One day these kids will grow up and ‘mature’ and these innocent lessons I am getting will begin to dwindle.  Until then, I will try my best to notice, to observe and to remind myself of what is important. 

During our nightly routine, I spend a few minutes with each of the kids just normally telling them how much I love them, or getting them to tell me something that may be bothering them.  Tonight, I told Himmat how I think he is the best badminton player in our house, because he actually enjoys the game.  To this comment he flashed one of his big smiles and gave me a tight hug.

Thank you Himmat for this lesson and even more the joy you gave me watching you today.